Dammit! I don’t want to be attracted to Evan Sinclair.
Tired and let down because Liam hadn’t shown up at their meeting place, the last thing she’d needed last Friday was to literally run into Evan Sinclair as she was leaving Brew Magic.
Why him? Anybody but him.
She’d only found out after arriving home that evening that Liam had the flu. He hadn’t had her cell-phone number to contact her, and he hadn’t been able to reach Tessa. He’d sounded horrible in the message he’d left on her home phone, and she didn’t doubt for a moment that he really was sick. She’d quickly sent a text to Evan—because calling him seemed too personal—that she’d arrived home safely, and then a message via email to S. so he didn’t worry.
For the last two days, she’d been pretty much snowbound. The flakes were coming down faster than they could be cleared from the roads. She lived ten miles from town on a tranquil five acres of land that nobody really cared about. Dennis and Joan hadn’t been anywhere close to being able to afford waterfront property, but Randi hadn’t minded not living right on the beach. It was too crowded in town, too busy with tourists in the summer. She loved having her own space to breathe.
Letting the curtain she was holding fall back into place, Randi turned back toward the small living room. So much of her parents still remained in the house, but Randi liked it that way. She’d kept as many items as she could that had belonged to them, wanting to somehow keep them with her even now.
Her heart clenched as her gaze fell on a picture of all three of them, a family, huddled together on the beach soon after they’d brought her to Amesport. Dennis and Joan had been the parents she’d never had, even though they were more appropriate in age to be her grandparents. It hadn’t mattered to Randi. They’d filled up an emotional void she had carried all her life. Now, it was like the gaping dark hole was back, and nothing could ever fill it in again.
She tore her eyes from the photo, knowing that eventually the pain would ease. There would probably come a time when she felt nothing but joy looking at pictures of her saviors, but that day wasn’t today.
“I need to shower.” Her golden retriever, Lily, lifted her head off the floor to look at Randi with soulful, curious eyes. “I stink,” Randi told her dog, watching as Lily cocked her head as though she understood.
Randi had spent the morning working out and meditating, so her yoga pants and T-shirt were damply clinging to her body even though a snowstorm raged outdoors.
Lily trotted along behind her as Randi shed her clothes, throwing them all into the hamper as she arrived in the bathroom.
“We need food for both of us,” Randi announced as she turned on the shower and looked down at Lily’s prostrate body on the rug beside her.
She hadn’t stocked up enough on food, and she was hungry. Lily was down to the last of her dog food. Randi would need to clear out her driveway with the old ATV and plow in the garage, and then hope her small four-wheel drive could get through the snow on the road. Another storm had developed behind the one they were experiencing now, so the weather was only going to get worse. Even though the snow was still falling, it might be the only break she’d get for the next few days. If the weather predictions were correct, the next storm would be just as bad as the first.
Feeling less gloomy after her shower, Randi went into what used to be her parents’ bedroom. It was now a home office, since she couldn’t bear to make their room into her bedroom. Not now. Maybe not ever.
It’s only noon. I have time to check my email.
Of course, she was rationalizing. The sooner she got outside to plow, the faster she could go get food. But she hadn’t checked for a reply from S., and she’d love to know what he had to say about her email to him last Friday.
Sitting down at the small desk, she opened her laptop and waited for her email to boot up.
Dear M.,
I’m sorry you got stood up. Oh hell . . . I’m not really that sorry. I never want anything to happen that hurts you, but I really was envious of your date. Maybe he’ll stay sick for weeks so you can’t reschedule.
I did end up getting stuck in the blizzard, so I’m still in Maine. I’ll be here until the weather clears, so talk to me. What stupid thing did you do tonight if your date never showed up?
Sincerely,
S.
Randi glanced at the date on the email. He’d answered back only a short time after she’d emailed him two days ago. She’d been too restless to sit, so she’d kept herself busy and hadn’t checked her email since she’d sent her note on Friday.
She had told him it had been a long day, and that she’d done something stupid. Randi wasn’t certain she wanted to fess up to exactly what she’d done.
I kissed Evan Sinclair. Okay, he kissed me, but I kissed him back. I don’t want to want him. I don’t want to be attracted to him at all.
“I can’t stand the guy. Why did it feel so amazing?” she asked Lily, who was now on the floor next to her feet. She smiled as Lily’s head came up and she let out a huge yawn. “Human problems are boring stuff to you, huh?” Randi guessed that her problems weren’t much of an issue to a creature who lived for food, belly rubs, and playing fetch.
Toying with her computer mouse, she contemplated how much she wanted to share with her email friend. Finally, she decided to just tell him the truth.
Dear S.,
Have you been attracted to someone who you don’t even like as a person? I haven’t, at least not until recently. I didn’t think that something like that could even happen. How can you want to be intimate with someone you don’t even like?
Randi let the question hang there for a moment before pressing the “Send” button. She talked to her friend about many things, but they’d never gotten quite this personal. But she’d found that being anonymous had allowed her to talk about any number of thoughts and feelings openly. In many ways, she had developed an indescribable connection to S. over the last year. She didn’t think there was much she couldn’t tell him.
She wasn’t really surprised when a reply popped into her mailbox a few moments later.
Dear M.,
I thought your date stood you up. Who are we talking about?
She smiled and quickly typed a response. Somehow, she’d been almost certain he’d start talking to her. What else was there to do in the middle of a Northeast blizzard if you still had an Internet connection?
Dear S.,
He didn’t actually stand me up. He was sick. I’m talking about someone else I’ve known for a while. I’ve always thought he was attractive, yet I don’t like him. How does that happen?
He wrote back.
Dear M.,
I’m not certain, to be quite honest. But I do know that two people can irritate the hell out of each other and still desire each other. I’ve had the same experience myself recently.