CHAPTER 19
Xander came home a day before Kristin and Julian’s big reception. Micah had brought his younger brother home, and Julian had planned to spend the day with Xander before attending the reception.
Kristin made it home from work before her husband got back from his brother’s house, hoping that the two would have a happy reunion. Since Julian wasn’t home yet, she’d seen it as a good sign.
However, judging by the look on Julian’s face when he did arrive home, it was fairly obvious that things hadn’t gone all that well on his visit to Xander’s house.
Julian didn’t say much as he walked into the kitchen from the garage. Kristin watched as he hung up his leather jacket and then tossed the keys on the counter.
“Everything go okay?” she asked curiously.
“He hates it here. He hates his house. He hates the snow. He basically fucking hates life right at the moment. He’s clean, but it won’t take him long to go right back to where he was before, because of his shitty attitude.”
As Julian turned to face her, Kristin couldn’t help but notice how defeated he looked. She reached for a beer in the refrigerator, screwed off the top, and handed it to Julian. He looked like he could use it. “I’m sorry. I know you were hoping he’d be better once he was dried out. But he still needs counseling.”
Julian nodded as he took a slug of the beer straight from the bottle. “I know. Micah and I will just have to keep an eye on him for now and see what happens. He doesn’t want to continue his counseling here.”
Kristin looked at his worried face, and her heart broke. If Xander wasn’t willing to continue to fight his battle with drugs and alcohol, nobody could help him. He had to at least want to stay clean. “Do you want to skip the reception?”
“Oh, hell no,” Julian answered with a grin. “I’m not missing my own party. Your parents put a lot of planning into this celebration. I still have plenty to be happy about,” he declared as he set his beer down on the counter. “Xander was invited. If he wants to show up, he will.”
“Are you angry with him?” Kristin asked, wondering how Julian really felt. Sometimes it was hard to tell.
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned a hip against the cupboard. “Angry? Yeah, I guess I am. But probably more pissed off at myself than him. Before this happened, we drifted apart. Now I can’t get through to him. I don’t know what he’s thinking. Christ! I don’t know how he feels or what he’s not telling me. We used to be close when we were younger. Now he’s like a damn stranger to me, and he’s my fucking brother.”
The anguish in his voice ripped Kristin’s heart out. “You can’t understand him if he won’t reach out,” she told him sternly, hating Xander at that moment for putting his brothers through so much pain. “It’s his move. If he wants to get to know you again, if he wants your support, he needs to reach out after he’s pushed you and Micah out of his life. It sounds like he pushed anybody who loves him away.”
“There’s something wrong. Hell, I know he’s hurting, but I don’t understand why. He still has his talent, but he won’t touch an instrument. Anything he connected to the time before the murders happened, he doesn’t seem to want to remember. There’s more than just losing our parents. I wish to hell I knew what really happened that night.”
Kristin frowned. “What do you mean? Didn’t he tell you?”
“The basics. It was a home invasion. Mom and Dad died. They were both shot multiple times. But for some reason, Xander was not only shot, but he was stabbed and sliced all to hell. I’ve tried to ask him more, but he won’t talk about it, and I’ve never wanted to push him. It had to be a nightmare for him to be there when our parents died. The perp was shot and killed. The case was closed. But I think there was something else that fucked him up.”
Kristin couldn’t imagine anything worse than watching her parents die. But Julian was right. There was something weird about the fact that Xander had been sliced up. Robbers, even evil ones, went in to get what they wanted and leave as quickly as they could. “It is weird,” she contemplated aloud. “Maybe the robber ran out of bullets?”
Julian shrugged. “I suppose it’s possible. Maybe he was trying to make sure Xander was going to die so there were no witnesses.”
Really, there was only one person who knew everything that happened the night that Julian’s parents had died. After looking through all of Julian’s family photos and listening to stories, she knew that all of the brothers had loved their parents.
“Let’s go get dressed,” he insisted, holding out his hand.
Kristin grasped his extended palm and squeezed, wanting to somehow let Julian know that she understood his frustration and pain.
He squeezed her fingers in acknowledgment, his eyes flashing with unspoken gratitude before he turned and led her upstairs.