There was remorse in Julian’s voice, a true sadness that made Kristin’s chest ache. “I’m sorry. But there was no way you could have predicted what happened, Julian.” Her mom might use a walker now, and she might not always feel well, but at least her father had never once thought about walking away, and Kristin still had both of her parents. MS itself wasn’t fatal. It was her mother’s quality of life rather than longevity that was affected.
“Maybe not. But I’ll always regret how seldom I went to see my parents in the decade before they were murdered. One thing I’ve learned is to never take anything for granted anymore.” He heaved a masculine sigh, then changed the subject. “So you grew up fast? You were never quite allowed to be a kid? No wonder you feel guilty about having fun.”
“I don’t . . .” Her voice trailed off as she really thought about what Julian had said. There might be just a little truth to his statement. “Fun wasn’t really an option,” she admitted sadly. “I mean, it wasn’t horrible. It’s not like my parents were abusive or neglectful. It wasn’t their fault.”
“I didn’t say they were or that it was directly their doing that you feel that way, but you do feel like your life isn’t supposed to involve time to play,” he mused.
“Maybe I’m just boring,” she snapped, irritated by how close he was to the truth.
“Nope,” he muttered in a low baritone that vibrated against Kristin’s ear. “I’d say you’re always much too worried about everyone else except yourself. Your entire life is dedicated to other people’s welfare. But then, who takes care of you?”
She snorted. “I can take care of myself.”
“I have news for you, Scarlet, you’re not doing a very good job. I can tell you’re exhausted and stressed out. I’m willing to bet the only time you’ve drunk to excess was in Vegas.” He toyed with one of her curls playfully. “Why then? Why only when you were in Vegas?”
“Because it’s the only opportunity I’ve ever had,” she answered with a squeak.
“My sweet little liar,” he rumbled. “You did it for the same reason I did. I’m not a hard drinker, but I got more than a little plastered that night.”
“Then you tell me why we did it, Dr. Freud,” she answered sarcastically, knowing Julian had a theory.
“Because trying not to touch you is like trying not to fucking breathe,” he answered forcefully.
The heat in his tone made Kristin bite back a groan. Being here, being with him was both torture and bliss. “Being drunk made everything explainable,” she admitted painfully.
Julian moved so fast that Kristin could barely track his motion, and he had her pinned beneath him on the couch before she could even protest.
His chest was heaving, his eyes stormy and tumultuous as he answered, “We aren’t drunk anymore.” He grasped her wrists and pinned her hands to the sofa. “And I still feel it, Kristin. So do you.”
Her first instinct was to deny that she still felt some inexplicable pull toward Julian, but his raw honesty wouldn’t let her. “I’m afraid,” she finally said breathlessly.
His expression softened. “And you think I’m not? You think I like having my balls tied in a knot by a gorgeous redhead who makes me fucking insane?”
The “gorgeous redhead” part got to her, as did the thought of a superstar like Julian being confused about her. “I’m just a regular woman, Hotshot. Nothing special about me.” Not even remotely.
“You can never tell me that, because I won’t believe it,” Julian denied. “Do any damn thing you want to piss me off, but I’ll still want you, Kristin.”
Feeling raw and vulnerable, she told him tearfully, “I don’t understand what you want from me.”
“Everything and nothing,” he shot back. “I want you to give us a chance. I want you to admit that we have to explore this thing or go crazy. Give us three months together to actually have fun. Give somebody a chance to actually take care of you. I’ll take care of your parents forever. Your mom will never need something she can’t afford. I promise.”
Jesus! He’s the only man who could say something like that and make it sexy!
Kristin didn’t want somebody to take care of her.
Did she?
The more Julian asked, the better it sounded. For once, she wanted something greedily, selfishly. She wanted . . . him. Not because he offered to leave her wealthy, but because she wanted to, for once, feel like she was a priority.
“That isn’t the way my life works. It never has,” she panted out.
“Then change it,” Julian growled. “Nobody needs you right now but me, and maybe I’ll ask for everything, but I sure as hell will give it back.”
He would. Kristin knew he would. For whatever reason, Julian Sinclair was focused on winning her over. But what would happen after he did?
“Stop overthinking everything, Kristin. Just decide if you want to take a chance, do something just for yourself.” He loosened his grip on her wrists, but still held her in place with his body.
It was a challenge, and she knew it. But she couldn’t stop herself from responding. “Fine. I’ll do it. We’re already married. Three months. And then you end this,” she told him wildly, for once not thinking about the consequences.