I reached for her and pulled her onto my lap and claimed her mouth.
When she pressed her wet, bare * over my semihard cock, I had to break the kiss to move her back. If she did that, I’d end up fucking her right here in the backseat, and we’d be in this truck all night. That wasn’t where I wanted us to be the first time we slept together again. She deserved more. I’d already let her suck me off. I had to control myself. She wasn’t some slut. She was my Addy.
“No. Not here. Not like this.” My voice was affected. The needing ache was impossible to miss. Addy scooted closer as I set her back. Pushing her away went against every instinct I had, but I wasn’t letting it happen this way. I’d hate myself for it. “Addy, baby, not in this damn truck. At least, not the first time.”
“This isn’t the first time, or did you forget?” she asked, tilting her head to the side with a teasing grin.
“I never forgot that. Never will,” I replied, reaching up to cup the side of her face. “Always this face.” I didn’t say more. She knew what I meant. Neither of us needed me to explain.
She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch. “OK,” she whispered.
Needing this woman had never changed for me. When she was a girl, I’d needed her to complete me. So I could survive. Now that I had her in my arms again, I still needed her. This was how it felt to be whole. It had been so long since I had this feeling that I’d forgotten what it was like.
Addy slid off my lap and sat on the seat beside me. “I need to go back inside in case Franny wakes up,” she explained, and reached for the door handle.
“I’ll walk you inside,” I said, opening the truck door on my side and hopping out, then reaching inside to take her hand.
She slid her hand into mine, and I wanted to keep it there forever. Holding on to this. Part of me feared I’d wake up soon and this would all be a dream. That I wouldn’t have Addy or Franny. That my life would still be devoid of emotion. Devoid of need.
“What’s that look for?” she asked.
I shook off those thoughts and tightened my hold on her hand as I started walking toward her door. “Nothing.”
That wasn’t enough for her, though. She stopped walking and tugged on my arm to get my attention. “Don’t say nothing. I know that frown. It’s the ‘River is thinking unhappy thoughts’ frown. What are you thinking?”
Once, I had been able to tell her everything. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do that now. I had darkness in my life that she’d never understand. I couldn’t share those things, not if I wanted to keep her in my life. I had to be worthy of her and Franny. My past was something that would have to stay a secret.
“Just don’t want to wake up and find out this is all a dream,” I replied finally. Every truth I could tell her, I would. It would make up for the lies I would also have to tell.
Her small hand squeezed mine. “Me, too.”
“I’ve got a lot to make up for. I’ve changed, but not when it comes to you. Being with you takes me back to the me I thought I’d lost.”
I just hoped she believed me and saw that, too. Walking away tonight scared me. Once she had time to think about the asshole I’d been since she arrived, she might regret this.
I wasn’t losing her. Not again.
Addy
How did you know you liked to gag?
I covered my face with my hands and groaned in embarrassment. Last night, I’d been so worked up from being in River’s arms again I hadn’t even thought about what I was doing. In the light of day, I replayed everything in my head. I didn’t even know that girl I’d become.
I heard Franny in the kitchen and pushed thoughts of River out of my head. I had to focus on today. Last night meant something to me. I just wasn’t sure what it meant to him. Especially after he had time to sleep on it. This afternoon at work would answer my questions. How he acted toward me would tell me if I’d been an idiot or if he had felt what I had felt. The way he had looked at me before he left made me want to believe he was where I was.
“Mommy, you want a waffle?” Franny asked, turning to smile at me as she stood waiting for the toaster to pop out her breakfast.
I shook my head. “No thanks, baby. I think coffee is enough for right now.”
“I figured, but I thought I’d ask.”
Smiling, I walked over and started a pot.
“When will I see Dad again?”
Good question. We hadn’t really discussed that last night. “Soon, I’m sure. He enjoyed being with you as much as you enjoyed being with him,” I assured her.
She grinned and sat down at the table. “I think he enjoyed being with you, too. He looks at you a lot.”