EVELYN: Yes, I suppose you did.
JULIAN: OK. How about this one? In the beginning there were several beginnings, and they were all talking at once, because they all wanted to be heard. They talked louder and louder, their words crossing and colliding with each other so forcefully that it built up a large amount of pressure. This pressure expanded out across all the beginnings and pressed down on their ears, growing and gaining more power from all the conflicting stories until, quite suddenly, it exploded into a massive ball of fire. A fire that coiled itself into a snake. Everything was orange. And from all that energy, the world was born.
[Pause]
EVELYN: You can’t say that.
JULIAN: I can’t say what?
EVELYN: That the world was born out of conflict and hatred.
JULIAN: Plenty of good things come about because of bad things, Evelyn. That doesn’t, in turn, make them bad.
EVELYN: Well, it’s not very nice.
[Pause]
EVELYN: Julian?
JULIAN: Mmm?
EVELYN: What if this is our beginning?
JULIAN: What do you mean?
EVELYN: I mean, what if this is our beginning, right here, now, in this bed, in this room, in this house?
JULIAN: It can’t be; we’re not babies.
EVELYN: There are many different types of beginnings. And who’s to say we haven’t imagined our lives up to this point? Who’s to say we haven’t been propelled into this world from a parallel universe? One that’s just come into existence? This could be the very beginning of it, now. I mean, there’s no one else here. Listen. It’s completely quiet.
JULIAN: But—
EVELYN: No, listen.
[They both fall silent. The clock ticks in the background]
EVELYN: Can you hear that?
JULIAN: Hear what? The clock?
EVELYN: No, that’s just time. Time’s always there. What else can you hear? Listen.
JULIAN: I can’t hear anything.
EVELYN: Exactly. Nothing. We are the only people here. In this room. What’s outside of this room?
JULIAN: … Our house.
EVELYN: Is it? Have you checked recently?
JULIAN: I don’t need to look outside the bedroom door to check to see if our house is still there.
EVELYN: Then I’m not sure you understand how the world works.
JULIAN: I understand how my world works. I’m not sure what planet you’re on.
EVELYN: Our planet. Our very own. What is it John Donne said: ‘For love, all love of other sights controls. And makes one little room an everywhere.’
[JULIAN scoffs]
JULIAN: You should get that printed on a Valentine’s Day card.
EVELYN: At this rate, I won’t be sending that card to you.
JULIAN: Cards, Evelyn. Paper. That requires people to cut down trees.
EVELYN: An e-card then.
JULIAN: What is this, 1997? And, anyway, there’s no computer in this room – which is apparently our world. So I think you might be screwed. No card, no e-card, no sending of love poems to me or to anyone else.
EVELYN: Then I shall recite one to you. A one-woman show.
JULIAN: Can’t wait.
EVELYN: A show for us. The two of us. The only people in the whole wide world.
JULIAN: Like a new Adam and Eve?
EVELYN: Quite. [She clears her throat] In the beginning, it was silent …
[The phone on the bedside table starts ringing. They both look at it in disbelief]
JULIAN: Who the hell is that?
EVELYN: I know. We’re supposed to be the only ones who exist!
JULIAN: That’s not what I meant. I meant it’s three thirty in the morning.
[They stare at the ringing phone]
EVELYN: Maybe … maybe it’s God.
JULIAN: Oh, yes, all angry at us for making up different beginnings to the world. [Pause] I’m going to answer it.
EVELYN: Don’t. I should be asleep.
JULIAN: Yes, but for some miraculous reason, you’re not.
[JULIAN reaches out to pick up the receiver. EVELYN stops him]
EVELYN: Please don’t. It’s probably just my sister.
JULIAN: Your sister?
EVELYN: Yes. She’s developed an annoying habit of calling me at all hours of the day and night to see if I’m OK.
JULIAN: That’s ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you be?
EVELYN: Exactly. I’m fine.
[They both stare at the phone. It stops ringing]
EVELYN: Hopefully she’ll think I didn’t answer because I’m asleep, like a normal person.
JULIAN: You’re not a normal person.
EVELYN: I’ll take that as a compliment.
[There is a long pause]
JULIAN: Speaking of phone calls, I saw there was a voice mail, earlier, left by our dear next-door neighbour.
EVELYN: What did he want?
JULIAN: He wanted to check that you’d received the letter about ‘that blasted tree’ destroying his house.
EVELYN: Yes, well, I’ll bloody burn his letter.
JULIAN: He seems to think that you’re not taking this seriously. That grief is driving you mad.
EVELYN: Not taking this seriously? He’s trying to murder our tree; I’m taking that very seriously. He’s a moron! And I hate him. He can stick it, and his letter, and his complaint to the local council. I bet there’s nothing wrong with his house, either; he’s just bitter.
JULIAN: About what?
EVELYN: I don’t know. Life.
[Pause]
JULIAN: You really should go to sleep. It’s the middle of the night.
EVELYN: I know.
[EVELYN throws a pillow angrily, and buries her way under the duvet]
[There is a long pause]
[The ticking clock is ever so loud]
EVELYN: We met in the middle of the night, do you remember?
JULIAN [yawning]: Did we?
EVELYN: Yes. It was at a house party.
JULIAN: I thought we met at the supermarket.
EVELYN: No, it was definitely a house party.
JULIAN: Whose house party?
EVELYN: Caitlin’s.
JULIAN: I don’t know anyone called Caitlin.
EVELYN: You did, back then.
JULIAN: Back when?
EVELYN: Back when we met … Keep up!
JULIAN: Keep up with the past? I don’t remember.
EVELYN: You don’t remember our beginning?
JULIAN: Apparently not.
EVELYN: Julian! You’re so frustrating. In the beginning, there was a house. And there was a party. It was twenty years ago, and it was the end of our first term of university. Well, it was a flat, rather than a house, really, but we’d sort of sprawled out all over the stairwell so we were taking up most of the building. The neighbours weren’t all too impressed. I think they called the police on us at one point.
JULIAN: We should work on our relationship with our neighbours.
EVELYN: Ha! Anyway. It was Caitlin’s birthday, or perhaps it was her sister’s birthday. It was someone’s birthday, anyway. Caitlin was mad about Charlotte Bronte. Like, I think she actually wanted to be her. She’d kick up a fuss when we were asked to read anything written after the 1890s because she said that it shouldn’t have been invented yet. Caitlin was of another time, and she was having a party where she wanted us all to dress up like it was the 1800s, only hardly anyone did. I remember her sitting in a white dress in the middle of the kitchen surrounded by empty vodka bottles like Miss Havisham or something. One strike of a match and she’d have been alight.
JULIAN: And what were you wearing?
EVELYN: I was wearing a black dress, with ruffles.