He pulled away, his face still afraid. “You’re sorry?”
“Yes, Kyle, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like this had to be this big of a deal. I’m sorry that I ever let you feel like I wouldn’t love you just as much or that this would change the way I felt about you. I’m sorry, Kyle. I’ve let you down if you thought that you being gay would ever, ever, affect anything between us.” She took his face in her hands, her eyes glistening with tears. “You are my son. You’re a part of my heart, sweet boy. You’re my entire world. I love you. That is so much bigger than anything you could ever do or say or…be.” She pulled him to her, placing his head on her chest and rubbing his hair. “I love everything about you.” She laughed. “I made you. And if you’re gay, then that means I made you that way. I love you so much, Kyle. I love you more than you could ever possibly understand.” She kissed the top of his head.
“I love you too, Mom,” he told her. His voice had lost a weight that she hadn’t noticed was there. He seemed lighter somehow, the weight of his world no longer on his shoulders.
They hugged for a while longer before she let him go. He sat up, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands.
“Why didn’t you think you could come to me? Have I made you feel like you couldn’t trust me?” she asked, the tears still falling down her cheeks.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Dad didn’t want me to tell anyone,” he said softly, his eyes low.
“What?” she asked, touching her collar bone. “Your father knew?”
“I came out to him last year. I was planning on telling both of you, but Dad didn’t want me to. He said I should keep it to myself.”
“You—” She looked up to Frank, a question in her eyes.
“Todd told me,” he confirmed. “It wasn’t my place to say anything.”
Fury filled her, white hot rage bubbling in her belly. “Why would he tell you not to say anything?” she asked, trying to remain calm.
“He said that small towns are tough when you’re…like me. He told me it would be easier if I just kept it to myself until I was old enough to move away.” He paused. “Or change my mind.”
She leaned back, an evil grin filling her face. “That bastard,” she said, her vision growing blurry with anger.
“Peighton,” Frank warned.
“No,” Peighton said adamantly. “No. I’m done, Frank. I’m done with this. With all of it. That…that bastard. It was bad enough that he felt that way. It was bad enough that everyone else had to put their entire life on hold because he was so terrified. But no. Not my son. He asked him to keep quiet? Seriously? He knew that pain. He knew what it would do to him. He knew I would’ve never stood for it. That’s why he didn’t tell me, isn’t it?” She was rambling now, not really asking for answers from anyone in particular. “Because there’s no way I would’ve kept it a secret if he’d told me. There’s no way I would’ve asked that of Kyle. It was all about that damn campaign. Always. Always about the campaign. Never about the safety of our child. Our child who just came home with a bloody face because of him.” She stood up, pacing the floor. “That…oh!” she screamed, venting her frustration. “I can’t believe him. I cannot believe him. Oh, I could kill him. I could just—” she stopped, looking at her son’s face. His utter confusion and general fear broke her heart. She sank back to the ground. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I shouldn’t have done that in front of you.” She kissed his forehead. “But, Kyle, your father should have never asked you to keep any part of who you are a secret. It wasn’t fair of him.”
“It’s okay, Mom, really,” he assured her.
“It’s not, Kyle.” She took a deep breath, her eyes flickering to Frank for a millisecond.
“Peighton—” he warned, but it was too late. She’d made up her mind.
“It wasn’t okay, Kyle, for anyone to ask you to keep that piece of you a secret. But, it especially wasn’t okay for your dad. And that’s why it makes me so angry.”
“He just wanted me to be safe, Mom. That’s what he told me.”
“He was lying to you, Kyle. He was lying to you because he loved you, but also because he was scared. He’d been scared for much longer than you. He’d been hiding who he was too.”
Kyle’s eyes lit up, and behind her she heard Clay inhale a sharp breath as she revealed the secret she’d sworn to take to her grave. “Your father should’ve never asked you to hide being gay because he knew firsthand how that felt, baby. Your father was just like you.”
Thirty-Eight
PEIGHTON
The moment she’d said the words, it was as if the world grew three shades brighter. No longer carrying the huge weight of Todd’s secret, she couldn’t help but feel relief. Her son stared at her and she watched the entire image of his life shattering before his eyes.
“Dad was gay?” he asked, pure shock on his face.
“Yes, he was.”
“But…I don’t understand. You knew?”
“I did,” she said.
“Should I go?” Clay asked behind her.
She turned, shaking her head. “No, you should stay, Clay.” She looked between the three of them, the three men in her life. “I want you all to hear this.” She stood up, helping Kyle to stand, and moved them to the couch. Clay sat down on the edge of the recliner while Frank found his way to the loveseat. She held Kyle’s hand as she spoke.
“When your father and I got married, we were truly in love. We’d been dating for around a year and we were happy.” She smiled at Kyle, squeezing his hand. “We were really, really happy.” She paused. “You know about the miscarriages,” she looked around, “you all do. We lost three babies before we were blessed with you,” she told Kyle. “Which was very hard on both of us. It caused problems in our relationship.” She sighed. “And then your dad told me the truth. He’d been interested in men most of his life but had never felt brave enough to act on it. His family—you know we don’t spend much time with them—is very southern and very conservative. Your dad never felt like they would accept him if he told them the truth and so, he’d lived with his secret most of his life. I was the first person he’d told.”
“Why wouldn’t he have told me?” Kyle asked.
“Your father had gotten very good at hiding who he was. He was terrified, especially once he got into government, that coming out would ruin all that he’d worked for. I think, by the end, he’d convinced himself that he’d grown out of it or that he could forget it. That wasn’t the case, though, Kyle. And it made your father miserable trying. You were the only good thing in his life. I think he must’ve been trying to prevent you from the life he’d lived, but he did it all wrong. The only way for your life to get better was for you to do exactly what you did today. I’m so proud of you,” she told him, patting his hand.
“But why would you stay married to him?”
“Because he asked me to,” she said simply, “and despite how much him coming out hurt me at first, I loved him. Your father was my best friend. Our marriage, obvious issues aside, was pretty great. We truly did love each other, and we were partners in raising you. Things worked out well for us, sweetheart. I wouldn’t have done it any other way.”