I hated the stairs as much as I hated the building.
It wasn’t the way a few of the boards were missing or how the ones still intact creaked. It was the constant groping and pinching I had to endure from the addicts and the dealers that chose to make the hallways their storefront.
The elevator was no longer an option.
The steel doors that were designed to keep people from falling to their death when closed were left open when it broke down, and the owners didn’t find it necessary to have it rectified.
“You’re home early.” I trudged into my third-floor apartment and found, Anna, my friend and neighbor, waiting on my tattered couch.
“Uh, yeah. I kind of got fired,” I confessed and toed off my shoes.
“Oh, no! It’s totally my fault!” She hopped up from the couch with her hands covering her mouth. “I’m so sorry I was late!”
“It’s not your fault, Anna. You’re just a kid.” Anna was seventeen years old and the most genuine person I’d ever known. After she Caylen, she volunteered to babysit for free, which I readily agreed but under the condition that I pay her anyway. So far, I’d been able to hold up my end of the bargain—until tonight.
“Yeah, but so are you,” she countered.
“I’m a nineteen-year-old single mother. I’m not a kid anymore.”
She fell silent as her face lost its normal perky hue. I kicked myself and stumbled to apologize just when her eyes brightened again. “Hey, I have a thought! In a few months, he should start walking.”
“Yeah?”
“Well, you’ll have a better chance of keeping up with him. My mom had me when she was only sixteen. She says she was lucky she was young enough to keep up with me after my father up and died and left her with a kid he forced her to keep in the first place.”
I waited for the explosion of anger and hurt that never came. “She really said that?”
She shrugged and didn’t appear bothered, which only broke my heart for her more. “Why wouldn’t she? It’s true.” Her gaze lifted from her feet and met mine. “It’s okay really,” she assured. She laughed, but even a deaf person could tell it was forced. “I’m used to being repeatedly told how I’m a burden who ruined her perfect body.”
I wasn’t a violent person. I preferred avoiding people who upset or hurt me, but her mother made me want my first taste of blood. Anna’s father died in a car accident when she was six. A drunk driver t-boned his car, killing him instantly. Since then, she’s been under the sole care of her irresponsible mother. Her father and mother’s families had long written them off thanks to Brandi.
When I moved in seven months ago, we formed an instant bond. Our friendship never felt forced because we had more in common than I’d ever had with anyone, including Erin. She’d still been around until Caylen was born and then decided a baby in the mix would cramp her style. I haven’t heard from her since, and even after twelve years of friendship, I didn’t feel any love lost.
Anna’s eyes were clouded, and as someone who shared her pain, I knew all too well the dark place she was headed. “Where is Brandi, anyway?”
She rolled her eyes, and my shoulders relaxed. Anger was sometimes less dangerous than sadness. “Off with her latest boyfriend.” She huffed. “She is so selfish! She was the reason I was late to babysit Caylen, you know?”
“It’s okay, Anna. That job wasn’t going anywhere anyway.”
She frowned. “What are you going to do for money?”
I shrugged as if I wasn’t breaking into tiny irreparable pieces. “I’ll do what I’ve always done. I’ll find another one.”
She appeared thoughtful. “Until then, don’t worry about paying me. I’ll still babysit for you when you need to look for work.”
I sighed and felt at least one of my burdens disappear. “You’re an angel, you know that? I promise to pay you as soon as I can.”
“It’s no problem. I love Caylen.” I nodded. “And he loves you, Mian.” I nodded again. “It will get better.” I didn’t react that time. She’d said the same thing each time I lost a gig or the lights were turned off. I just wasn’t sure I believed her anymore.
The sudden intrusion of Caylen’s cries filtered from the only bedroom in the apartment, which we shared. “I have to get that.”
We laughed and ignored the heaviness in the room. After seeing Anna out, I made my way to the bedroom. Across the room, in the crib I had found for a bargain, was the reason I even still tried.