His face remained expressionless as he answered without emotion, “It’s not for me.”
“Oh.” I didn’t move from my spot in the corner. Instead, I tightened my arms around my legs. I couldn’t move with him in here anyway. He’d seen enough to disgust him. I was scared and mortified when I used the bathroom and discovered the blood in my panties. I panicked and ripped them off, and when I touched myself, I realized what was happening. I had no idea what to do and no one to turn to so I balled myself in the corner and cried.
He dropped to his haunches in front of me and reached into the paper bag and pulled out a box. “Know how to use these?” My eyes bucked, and I shook my head. Angel holding a box of tampons was not something I ever expected to see. The blue and orange box looked out of place in his hand. It disappeared back into the bag, and then he pulled out a package of pads.
Kill. Me.
He frowned as he ripped open the packaging before pulling out a folded square wrapped in pink paper. “I was told these are easier to use.”
“Who told you that?” I blurted. I couldn’t believe he’d gotten them much less discussed the advantages of feminine products.
Oh, God. Had he cornered some poor, unsuspecting woman in a store for help?
“Trinity.”
His answer brought my musings to a screeching halt. I watched as he ripped open the pink paper and unfolded the sanitary pad. “I—I can do that.”
He didn’t respond, but he did toss the pad into the bag and stand. “The water’s going to be cold soon.”
He made for the door, but my curiosity wouldn’t just let him leave. “Who’s Trinity?”
The muscles in his back tightened and pulled against his thin t-shirt. He stood silently in the threshold for so long that I figured he wouldn’t answer and would tell me it was none of my business. But then he bit out, “My girlfriend,” and walked out.
The door slamming swallowed my inhale. I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. Fighting my trembling legs, I stood and shed my nightshirt. The water was the perfect temperature. The salt and bubbles caressed my skin and soothed the ache in my muscles the stress had caused. Pretty soon, I was asleep until a knock on the door brought me back to life. The water had gone cold and bumps covered my skin.
“Mian?”
I quickly sat up and stared at the door, hoping he wouldn’t open it. “I’m okay!” I yelled to answer his unspoken question. After three years, we were in tune with each other, and it was as if we secretly accepted the connection and silently hated each other for it.
I waited until he left to step out of the freezing water. The large towel was soft and a godsend against the cool air. It wasn’t until I finished wrapping the towel that I realized I didn’t have a change of clothes.
I’d have to leave the bathroom with only a towel to protect me. He was always disappearing and coming back hours later smelling like weed and looking like trouble. I’ve never met his friends, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have them. Maybe if I hid a little longer, he’d leave.
Or he’d realize I was hiding again, come back, and force me out.
I really only had one option.
I put my ear to the door, but it was silent on the other side. Maybe he’d gone to visit Trinity to laugh about what a stupid kid I am. My stomach cramped, but I told myself it was because of my menses and not the thought of him with another girl.
I wouldn’t dare have a crush because not only was the thought of us forbidden, it was impossible.
It would be a long time before I was old enough for him. I was only twelve, and he would be nineteen in a few months. Our fathers would forbid it, and I was sure Angel thought I was just a dumb kid. I made it to my bedroom and immediately noticed my favorite lime green sheets had been replaced with crisp white sheets. I stood frozen just inside the door until understanding dawn and dread seeped inside.
There must have been blood.
He must have seen it and changed the sheets.
Oh, God.
Could this get any more embarrassing?
“Here.”
I inhaled until my lungs were full and pivoted, feeling my heart race. He stood beyond the door holding a napkin and tall glass of water. He shoved it toward me and ordered me with his eyes to take it, so I did and found two pills inside the fold of the napkin. “What’s this for?”
“For the pain.”
I fingered the pills from the napkin and swallowed them down with half the glass of water. “Did Trinity tell you this?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” I felt awkward.
He eyed me, and I could tell he was annoyed when he said, “Problem?”
“You didn’t have to do all this,” I said even though I knew if he hadn’t, I’d still be in a ball on the bathroom floor.
“It was nothing.” He noticed me staring and added, “So don’t make it into anything.”
“You’re so confusing.”
“How so?”
I shrugged and looked down at my feet. “You’re just…” A walking, talking contradiction. “Not easy,” I finished lamely.