We talked for a while about the move and how they were settling into Atlanta life. Then she surprised me. “How are things between you and that handsome quarterback going?”
The fight between Brody and Colin had brought my relationship with Brody into the news. I’d wondered if it had made its way to Atlanta. “Um . . . we’re not . . . ”
“Oh. I’m sorry, honey. I just thought . . . well, I saw some pictures of the two of you, and the way you looked at him . . . I just thought maybe you had found someone.”
“The way I looked at him?”
“You looked happy. I thought I saw the way you looked at Drew in your eyes. I was hopeful.”
I didn’t know what to say. “It didn’t work out.”
She was quiet for a long time. I thought maybe we’d been disconnected. “Mrs. Martin? Jana?”
“I’m here.”
“Oh. I thought I lost you for a minute.”
“Sweetheart, I could be totally out of line, but I’m going to say this anyway. Do you remember a few weeks before the draft when you broke up with Drew? Because you wanted him to be able to focus on school and football, and he didn’t want to leave you behind?”
“Yes.”
“You cared about him so much, you wanted him to succeed and be happy, even if it meant you didn’t get to be with him.”
“I remember. I told him I didn’t want to go out with him anymore. He was pissed for about ten minutes, then stormed back in, realizing what I was doing. He could always see right through me.”
“Well, he felt the same way about you, you know.”
“I know.” There had never been any doubt in my mind that Drew loved me.
“But do you understand what I’m saying? Drew would want you to meet someone. He would want you to move on. Be happy. Fall in love. Have a family someday.”
“Of course he would. I just haven’t met anyone who could replace Drew.”
“That’s what I worry about, Delilah. No one has to replace Drew. He’ll always have a place in your heart. But you can love two men at the same time. You just love them differently.”
It wasn’t lost on me that Brody had basically said the same thing.
“Thanks, Jana.”
“Don’t be afraid to love again, dear.”
I spent a long time that afternoon sitting beside Drew’s grave. Unlike other times I came to visit, my time wasn’t spent crying. Instead, I thought about what Jana had said. Was I afraid to love again? Light snow started falling before I left. Unlike most New Yorkers, I loved the winter. Hot chocolate, bright lights, warm sweaters, snow, and football.
I leaned my head back, opened my mouth, and stretched my arms wide to catch the flakes as they came down. After a few minutes, I wished Drew a Happy Birthday and headed back to my car. Reaching the sidewalk, a hundred feet from the warm confines of my Jetta, I slipped on that pretty white snow I’d just been enjoying. I wiped out, landing on my ass with both feet up in the air. For some reason, I went hysterical laughing. An elderly man walking by with his wife stopped to help me up, but I waved them off, unable to speak through my fit of laughter.
I sat there alone on the sidewalk, the snow frosting my hair white, and cackled until my laugh turned into a cry. The cry turned into a sob before I finally got up. My teeth were chattering, my lips were swollen from the bite of winter, and my body trembled. I was a mess . . . but for some reason, everything seemed to be clear all of a sudden. It wasn’t that I was afraid to fall in love. I was pretty sure I had done that already. I was afraid that if something happened again, I wouldn’t be able to get back up.
Chapter 40
Brody
“Ready to go, you damn cripple?” Grouper took his time getting up, his bones creaking as he lifted himself from a chair in the dining hall.
He wagged his bony finger at me. “You should be so lucky to be in as fine a shape as I’m in when you get to be the ripe old age of sixty.”
“Sixty? Who you kidding? You have age spots older than sixty.”
Grouper grumbled something under his breath. He lifted a box off the table. “This is the last of Marlene’s things. There’s a nice little gold cross necklace in there and some old coins—not sure if they have any value or not. Everything else is pretty much paperwork. We donated everything to Phoenix House like you asked. They were pretty excited to get all those clothes. More than half of ’em had the tags on still. You sure did spoil her.”
“She deserved it.” I took the box from Grouper and waved goodbye to Shannon at the nurses’ station as we walked to the front door.
“That place said you’d be surprised at how many of their patients aren’t young kids anymore. Drug and alcohol rehabs are more than thirty percent women over the age of fifty.” He shook his head. “Would never have guessed.”
I didn’t know the statistics, but I knew Marlene would want her stuff to go to a place where people were trying to get help. “Thanks for taking care of that for me.”