It was a season of breakdowns. And it was Vikas’s turn.
How far they’d come from the death of their boys! His life had leapt and swallowed itself up and rolled into a ball and split open. Now—as if it were necessary for him to be trapped to grieve properly—Vikas’s true grieving began. He’d done what he always did, he realized: grabbed for the nearest middle-class solution to his problem. How could another child solve anything? How could they care for her, coddle her, bring her up—they were so old already! Depressed, destroyed!
When his wife received guests and held out Anusha to them, he imagined gunning them down.
“Can we go with you, Papa?” Tushar and Nakul asked.
Vikas stood in the drawing room on a summer day. It was hot and the air was shrieky with pressure-cooker hoots and honks. He did not want to take them on the shoot. He had no desire to be a father, had always considered himself above these things, and yet there were now these two boys filling up his drawing room, issuing commands and requests, their sullen persistence reminding him of nothing more than the members of his extended family, those disappointed creeps who pressed on and surrounded him at all times.
“Why do you keep doing that to your wrist?” Vikas asked Nakul. Nakul had been flicking his wrist donnishly, an action he seemed to have picked up from his uncle, Mukesh. “Are you a sardar? Do you have a kara there?”
Nakul’s handsome face hung.
“Yah, don’t do that,” Tushar chimed in.
“You take care of your brother, Tushar. I have to go.”
Divide and rule. It wasn’t just the British toward the Indians but all parents toward their children.
Vikas was awfully partial toward Tushar, though he would have never acknowledged it. Nakul was popular in school, good at sports, intense, competitive, moody—just like Vikas, in other words—whereas Tushar was lumpy, effeminate, eccentric, troubled, getting pushed around in school, and moseying up to his mother in the kitchen with the halting eyes of an abused animal, always eager to please, reading the newspaper and engaging his father in incessant chatter about politics, a pet topic for him, one he had honed through quiz competitions in school, the one area in which he shone.
Still, Vikas did not like the younger one. He found him entitled and bad-tempered. “All your good marks mean nothing if you don’t have a good personality,” he lectured Nakul, as if a good personality could be hammered into a child with hate.
“You’re too hard on him,” Deepa said at night. She lay next to him in the cabin of the bedroom, the walls pressed close with night, the TV on the side basting their bodies with light. They took some time to themselves before the boys jumped into bed with them.
He did not like being lectured by his wife. Whenever she told him he was being partial, he spent a few days ignoring both of the boys, and that’s what he did now, closing his eyes and sulking into sleep before the boys climbed aboard.
He dreamed fantastically. He’d always been a dreamer. In the dreams, all the parts of his life came together. Film, family, mother, father, characters, children. Life is fragmentary but dreams are not. This is why, later, he would put so much stock in the bomb dreams.
A few months before the blast, Nakul stole a toy from a friend. Vikas heard about it from his schoolteacher, Sudha Ma’am, and then from Mrs. Aggarwal, the mother of the friend. “When he came over, he took Mayank’s GI Joe,” she complained with a lazy, lecherous indifference, as if pleased that this disease of immorality was spreading. “I found it in his pocket. It’s not a problem—they’re just boys—but I wanted to tell you.” At home, Vikas confronted Nakul. “Haven’t we given you everything?” Nakul reprised his morose expression. He fiddled with the imaginary kara on his wrist. At that moment, Vikas caught sight of the satellite dish rising up from the roof of the CEO’s mansion across the street, noticed how it exaggerated the dilapidation of the Khurana complex, its hanging electric wires and busted driveway.