“Tanner!” I snap.
“What?” he asks, looking at me in confusion.
“First of all…you’re disgusting. Second of all…women, not little slappers. These are females who deserve your respect. I don’t care how loose they are,” I reprimand.
“All right, all right. Women,” he groans with his jaw jutted out defiantly. “Hell, they could be Kate fucking Middleton for all I care. Anyway, this gorgeous redhead is on me. Like super on me. I’m already thinking, ‘I got this in the bag.’”
My eyes close in pain over where I see this story going.
“And I was about to seal the deal, but I had to nip off to the loo because I’d been drinking a lot and needed to piss. But suddenly, before I left…I got nervous…because I could tell Camden was sniffin’ about.”
“I wasn’t sniffin’ about! Your slapper…woman…” Camden corrects when I cut my eyes at him, “…was eyeing me like she could see my package through my trousers. I can’t help that, bro! She liked what she saw.”
Tanner rolls his eyes and continues. “Anyway, I can see Camden has ideas, so I think bacon sandwich, right?”
“Bacon sandwich?” I ask, my brows puzzling.
“Yeah, like…lick my bacon sandwich and then it’s mine and no one can touch it.”
My jaw drops. “Is the bacon sandwich the woman in this story?”
“All right, you got it now!” Tanner crows proudly. “So I lean in and give my bacon sandwich a good lick. She liked it too, let me tell you. You can always tell when the flavour suits them. She was into my flavour, Vi. So I nip off to the toilet and when I come back, Camden is all over her. Like, they are practically having sex on the couch. His tongue was so far down her throat I thought she was going to need resuscitating!”
“I took her breath away, all right,” Camden jeers with a naughty twinkle in his eyes. I stare at him, clearly not impressed.
“Fuckin’ wanker,” Tanner mumbles. “He was wrong, right, Vi? I mean. Bacon sandwich rule…Clearly he was wrong!”
“All is fair in love and redheads, mate.” Camden pats Tanner on the shoulder, and Tanner swings back and shoves him away from him. This only makes Camden laugh harder.
Sighing heavily, I close my eyes shut before I say, “I am not even sure where to begin with this ridiculous story and your appalling behavior. For starters, bacon sandwich rule…not a thing!”
“What do you mean?” Tanner barks.
“I mean…that is not a thing. If you’re talking about humans, then the bacon sandwich idea is horrifying on many levels. Moreover, Camden, get your own girls and stop interfering with Tanner just to get a rise out of him.”
“I can’t help it if—” he starts, but I cut him off.
“They don’t like you better. You’re just a pig. You’re both pigs. You both need to stop looking at women like conquests and start treating them with respect. If I was that redhead and a couple of horrid blokes like you two were talking about me like this, how would you feel?”
Both their faces drop.
“Exactly. Bugger!” I snap. “This disappoints me. Like I taught you guys nothing growing up.”
“Vi, these women know what they’re getting from us. We don’t make them any promises,” Camden argues.
“I don’t care. I can’t hear any more of this. Seriously. You guys need to leave.” I push the door to my lift and it opens instantly. I point.
“But Vi,” Tanner starts, his face crestfallen.
“No…you need to go. I’m so sad to hear you talk about women like this. I won’t forget it.”
“Vi, come off it,” Camden cajoles and tries to pull me under his arm, but I resist his embrace.
“Talk to me about your women troubles when you each find someone who makes you feel something north of your damn penises.”
My phone dings in my hand and I see a text from Hayden that he’s on his way. I hustle my twin brothers out of my flat with their tails tucked properly between their legs. Good. Serves them right. I’m tired of them talking about women like they are candy to quarrel over.