“This is like the ukulele. You just want to be noticed,” Agnes says, blunt but not unkind. “I get it.”
“I feel…I don’t know, sort of invisible these days. Like, you know, except for you guys, no one would notice if I didn’t even go to this school,” Dri says, and leans back so that she’s lying down, staring up at the vast blue sky, so open there aren’t even clouds to read. I consider telling her that SN told me to befriend her, that he obviously has noticed how cool and funny she is, but for some reason, I’m embarrassed. I want her to think our friendship was totally organic.
“Honestly, I’d kill to be invisible,” I say. “Gem and Crystal won’t leave me alone.”
“Screw them,” Agnes says. “They just wish they could be as cool as you.”
“I am not cool. I am the opposite of cool,” I say.
“You are cool. I mean, now that I know you, I realize you’re actually something better than cool. But you somehow give off this badass, above-it-all vibe. And you’re hot,” Agnes says. “In Gem’s world, no one else is allowed to be hot.”
“Seriously? Who are you even talking about right now?” I ask.
“They’re just jealous because Liam likes you. Honestly? I’m jealous because Liam likes you,” Dri says.
“Liam doesn’t like me,” I say. “I just work at his mom’s store.”
“Whatever,” Dri says.
“No, seriously, we’re just coworkers. And for the record, I don’t like him. Not in that way, at least.” I hope Dri believes me. I need her to believe me.
“Then you’re crazy,” she says. “Because he’s smokin’.”
“Please do not get a pink stripe because of Liam Sandler,” Agnes says. “He’s not worth it.”
I spot Ethan crossing the lawn, coffee in hand, heading to the parking lot, even though it’s only noon. And just like every other time I’ve seen him like this, what I think of as out in the wild, I feel like I have managed to conjure him up, as if he has appeared only because I’m thinking about him. Which I was, since I pretty much think about him all the time. I can be talking pink hair or Liam Sandler, but what I’m really thinking is Ethan is Ethan is Ethan.
I wonder where he’s going and whether he’ll be back in time for English. I hope so. We don’t talk to each other much in school, but I like knowing he’s behind me, that I could turn around and smile if I had the nerve. Not that I’ve ever actually had the nerve.
Crap. He catches me watching him. I hope I’m far enough away that he can’t see the goofy grin. He throws me a fast peace sign before beeping his way into his car.
“Now, Ethan Marks, on the other hand,” I say, finally confessing my crush to my friends. I’ve told Scarlett, of course, but she hasn’t gone to school with him since kindergarten, so it didn’t really count.
Should I have peace-signed Ethan back? No, I can’t pull off a peace sign. It’s a lot like “cool beans.”
“Really? You like Ethan! We used to be friends back in junior high,” Dri squeals, and sits up to grab my hands, all girlie enthusiasm. Or maybe she’s just relieved that I don’t want Liam. She cocks her head, reconsidering. “Though, let’s be honest: he’s not the most original choice. And—”
“And he’s kind of damaged,” Agnes says.
“And he’s never dated anyone at school. Never. Ever,” Dri says, and my heart sinks a little. Not that I thought I had a chance, but still. Now it feels like a technical impossibility.
“But he’s totally a panty dropper,” Agnes says. “No doubt about that.”
SN: three things. (1) when I read your messages, I hear them in your voice. (2) if I were an animal, I’d be a lemur. okay, that’s probably not true, but I felt like using the word “lemur” today. and before you say it…yes, I know I’m weird. (3) seriously? I’d like to be a chameleon. change my colors to match my environment.
Me: (1) I’ve watched Footloose (the remake, not the original) an embarrassing number of times. But it’s so moving. A LAW AGAINST DANCING. And they fight and win. Swoon. (2) I could be a better driver. The whole turn left when the light turns red thing here freaks me out. (3) Just so you know, I take back coffee.
SN: okay, no sugar for you.
Me: What?
SN: a joke. a Seinfeld reference.
Me: It’s not funny.
SN: it’s just coffee. relax.
Me: Fine.
SN: sorry, forgot how mad you get when I tell you to relax.
Me: I don’t get mad.
SN: you’re mad right now. I can hear it in your virtual voice.
Me: When you tell someone to relax, it suggests that you think they are overly uptight. I’m not being overly uptight.
SN: wow. that’s putting a lot of pressure on my “relax.” I just meant chill. or no biggie. you forget I’m from Cali. we say shit like that here.
Me: Namaste.
SN: ah, now you’re getting the hang of it. now stop writing me and get to class. you’re going to be late.