“Seriously, appreciate the pity and all that, but maybe next time?”
“Your loss,” he says, and jumps off his stool and attempts to fist-bump me. “Don’t smoke all my weed while I’m gone.”
To: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
From: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
Subject: Saturday night
Are you at Heather’s party?
To: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
From: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
Subject: almost Sunday morning, actually
Maybe. Are you?
To: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
From: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
Subject: Not really. T-2 hours.
If you were there, wouldn’t you know whether I was too?
To: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
From: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
Subject: fine. you win. Saturday night.
don’t get all sly on me. Heather’s parties are HUGE.
To: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
From: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
Subject: You gave up so easily.
You’re the one who likes to be all sly.
To: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
From: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
Subject: I like that you can have…
does this count as our first fight? ;)
To: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
From: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
Subject: ???
OMG, did you just emoji me?
To: Jessie A. Holmes ([email protected])
From: Somebody Nobody ([email protected])
Subject: …two conversations at once.
technically it was an emoticon. and you countered with an “OMG,” so i’m pretty sure we’re even. not to get all early ’00s on you, but shall we IM? this refreshing my email every two seconds is annoying. though I will miss your subject lines…
Me: Done.
SN: ahh, this is so much better.
Me: Right? Right. Though not to get too crazy futuristic on you, but we could text. That’s how normal people communicate.
SN: and give up my anonymity? no thanks. so, Saturday night. or almost Sunday morning. whatever. at the party or no?
Me: No. You?
SN: I was. not anymore. now just sitting in my car thumb-talking with you. wait, did that sound dirty? not my intention. unless you liked it.
Me: I’m just going to ignore you.
SN: please do. this whole anonymous thing makes me a little silly.
Me: The anonymous thing IS silly.
SN: is it? i’m not so sure. irregardless, that’s how it goes.
Me: Irregardless is not a word.
SN: smarty-pants. I stand corrected. actually, I sit corrected.
Me: You are a dork, and I mean that in the best way possible.
SN: things any better on your end? you were all in the bell jar earlier in the week. I was worried.
Me: Definitely better. Thanks for checking. How ’bout you? Things good?
SN: yeah, fine, I guess. not having the best year.
Me: Know how that goes.
SN: do you? hope you really don’t, but suspect you do. you have sad eyes.
Me: I do? And when have you seen my eyes?
SN: I haven’t. not really. and I mean more your brow. you have a sad brow.
Me: I have no idea what to do with that information. Botox?
SN: and the Chicago girl goes LA. but nope.
I stop writing. Feel my brow with my hands. I do have a tendency to knit my eyebrows, have always done it. My mom used to warn me that I was going to get a permanent wrinkle if I kept it up, just like she had. But hers was an exclamation point right in the middle of her forehead. It exuded enthusiasm, maybe even joy. Not worry.
Do I look sad all the time? I hope not. I don’t want to be the sad girl. That’s not who I am. Actually, that’s not true. This is truer: that’s not how I want to be known.
SN: you still there? something I said? for the record, I like your brow just the way it is.
Me: Just thinking. Sorry.
SN: ahh, don’t do that. you might hurt yourself.
Me: So tell me about the party. #vicariouspartygoer
SN: meh. it was a typical high school party, except it had some famous dj I’ve never heard of and Heather’s dad has a cool house, and everyone was pretty wasted.
Me: You?
SN: nah, I’m driving. didn’t feel like Ubering it. anyhow, knew I didn’t want to stay too long.
Me: Just made your appearance.
SN: I don’t know. I just find it all so…stupid or boring or something.
Me: I know what you mean. In Chicago, it was the same thing, but you know, instead of a super-fancy house and famous DJ, it was the bowling alley. But yeah, still…
SN: stupid and boring. but that’s not it exactly. I mean small. it all feels small and unimportant.
Me: And yet vitally important to everyone else, and, dare I say it, maybe even a tiny bit important to you, which is even more embarrassing in its own way. Am I making sense?
SN: totally. fwiw, this feels important: talking to you.
Me: Yeah?
SN: yeah.
CHAPTER 9