I went out into the hallway and knocked on her door furiously. No answer. I knocked again. When there was still no answer, I pushed it open. It was empty. There was a deep throb in my joints as I saw the pink satin blanket she’d slept with since she was a kid peeking out from underneath her pillow.
I felt like two people living in one body. I wanted to rage and scream and cry and hide underneath my desk all at once. It hadn’t been my sister that night in Dearborn but here she was in our hometown of Hollow Pines and she, too, would be an object for their consumption. And somebody had to pay.
I put on the first clothes I could find and threw my hair into a messy knot on top of my head. The team should be arriving any minute to start warm-ups. I was shaky on the drive over. I kept losing my focus and nearly missing a stop sign or a red light.
My heart beat hard against my ribs. As I was getting out, I noticed a ticket stub in the center cup holder. I pulled it out and read the event details. It was for a baseball game. A baseball game that happened last night.
Of all the things that may or may not have happened in the wee hours of the night, this seemed like the most innocent. I tucked the ticket into the pocket of the driver’s side door.
My chest was already an emotional wasteland and the reminder of yet another missing memory hardly registered. It was like the bruise the hypnotist explained to me, the source of which would never be remembered. It wasn’t important enough. Not right now anyway because the only thing that mattered right now was Honor, and the world and everyone in it could strip away everything I had, but they couldn’t take away the fact that she was my little sister.
As I walked toward the gym of Hollow Pines High, I felt the universe slow down around me. My lungs tightened. I had to force my feet across the parking lot to the double doors where I’d just been the cause of a disaster of unnatural proportions. There was a flyer pinned to the doors that warned of a new county curfew from the Department of Health and Safety. I barely paid attention. The county had done the same thing last year and, as far as I’d been able to tell, it hadn’t kept anyone safe. Maybe there wasn’t even such a thing as safety. After all, nobody had protected me.
The moments ticked by and I could hear only my breath. Then I was inside the gym where the scoreboard was still blank, the bleachers had yet to fill. Liam glanced over at me, did a short double take. He was still dressed in his warm-up sweat suit as was most of the rest of the team.
Paisley’s face was unreadable the moment that she saw me. She’d dashed sparkles on her cheeks and fastened a ribbon to her hair. She nudged Erica and Molly. They both turned. A look of disappointment and sadness flooded out the friendship we’d shared and a gulf opened up between us.
Paisley separated from the group. I wasn’t even interested in her. My eyes searched for Teddy Marks, a do-nothing boy from the sophomore class that I knew only by his mop of black hair, olive skin, and giraffe-like stature.
“I can’t believe you showed up.” Paisley arrived like a bucket of ice water.
“Get over yourself,” I said, trying to move past her.
“No way.” She put her hand to my chest to stop me. “We need to talk.”
“Don’t worry. I’m resigning.” She stared at me as if she didn’t believe me.
“As captain?”
I rolled my eyes. It was the last lame thing I had in my repertoire from my numbered days as an Oilerette. “From the squad,” I said.
“But—then what are you even doing here?”
Deep in the pit of my stomach I knew that this wasn’t all her fault. I hadn’t told her about the night in Dearborn. I’d been the one to clam up, shut down, scared that no one would believe Cassidy the good-time party girl. But maybe it shouldn’t have been up to me. Maybe I should have at least given Paisley the chance.
But there were things in life I’d never know, I was coming to realize. What might have been if Paisley was more of a real friend and less of a partner in popularity was one of them.
She followed the path of my gaze to where it had landed on Teddy Marks, who was emerging from the locker room, pulling a sweatshirt over his head. My palms instantly went slick with sweat. I lost all feeling in my legs. I was worried that my throat would close up.
“Cass…” Paisley started. “He’s not worth it.”
But I was already walking toward him. The closer I got to him, the shorter I felt. When he saw me coming toward him, he glanced away. Just like that. A quick once-over and then he turned his attention from me.
“Hey.” I stopped him as he was picking up a basketball from the rack. My voice squeaked. I didn’t sound like a badass older sister at all. “What—what—” I stuttered. I didn’t want to stutter. “What did you think you were doing?”
He smirked and my cheeks went flaming hot. “What are you talking about?”