“Okay.” I folded my arms across my chest while attempting to hide the ricocheting of my heart against my ribs. “Can someone please tell me what’s going on?”
Ava, who had added rhinestones to calf-high tube socks and to a bow in her hair, cleared her throat but looked down at her sneakers.
“Paize?” I said.
Paisley’s blue eyes flitted to the ceiling for a split second, then she took a small step forward. “Fine, whatever, I volunteer as tribute.” Her fingernails were painted a frosty pink and she curled them around her narrow waist. “Look, I don’t want you to make a big deal of this or anything, but some of us have been talking.”
An icy wave tingled the roots of my hair and crawled down the length of my back. “Yeah?” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. “Talking about what?”
Paisley was four inches shorter than me, but with the way she carried herself, like she was Napoleon, it always caught me off guard when I noticed how tiny she really was. “Well, to be honest, we think maybe you shouldn’t be captain anymore.”
I felt myself go still as glass, worried that if I made any sudden movements, I might shatter. Paisley was the only one on the whole squad looking at me. Was that how much the lot of them had already dismissed me or were they just too cowardly to say this to my face?
“And you … don’t want me to make a big deal of this…” My voice trailed. Not a big deal, I screamed inside. Not a big deal? “How long has this been going on?” I asked, keeping my internal monologue where it belonged. “The talking behind my back.” Well, most of it, anyway.
Ava lifted her chin and stared at me with her deep brown eyes. She, at least, looked genuinely stricken. “Not long,” she said quickly. “I—well, the last week maybe, but—”
“We think you’ve been distracted,” Paisley interrupted so that I didn’t get to hear what lay on the other end of that “but.” “Let’s face it, cheerleading doesn’t seem like your number one priority anymore.”
I held up my hand to stop her. “And whose idea was this?” Behind me, I had the distinct sensation that the basketball players were beginning to stop and stare at the confrontation going on near this side of the gymnasium. Balls bounced and then seemed to fall idle and the squeaking of sneakers slowed. I began to sweat.
“Does it matter?” she said.
Something else was beginning to brew in the pit of my stomach. Fury. “That depends,” I responded coolly. “Was it yours?”
Paisley rolled her eyes. “This is why I told you from the start not to make a big deal about it.” I felt the other girls—more than a dozen of them, girls that I’d called my friends—crowding in on us like a pack of wolves.
“I’m not. I’m asking a simple question. Am I not allowed to ask questions?”
Beside Paisley, Ava tightened the bows around her braids.
Paisley’s eyes narrowed. “You know, you’re not the only one who’s had hard stuff happen to them this year.”
The words stung. My eyes pricked as if my cheek had been slapped. Paisley Wheelwright had no idea what I’d been through. Best friend or no, she didn’t have a clue about Dearborn. I closed my eyes and for a split second, the words of the boy with the wolflike grin came barreling through time and space to haunt me. A new toy to play with, lads … How rough do you think I can be before this one breaks?
The suffocating group of girls combined with the haunting shadow of the wolf grin returned me to the headspace of the chubby girl I used to be. The shame came rushing back and it felt new and fresh and worse because I’d been so used to holding this town in my palm that I’d nearly forgotten how bad it could be at the bottom of the dog pile, especially in a place like Hollow Pines.
No. My eyes snapped open. I’d worked too hard. I’d broken too many nails clawing my way to the top and it wasn’t too late to stop the fall. Maybe I’d needed Sunshine to remind me, but I was still Cassidy Hyde and Paisley Wheelwright and everyone else that tried to stop me could suck it. I clenched my grip.
“Why do I get the feeling that the most tragic thing that’s happened to you this year was me being named Homecoming queen … instead of you?” My question came out sickly sweet, laced with something unmistakably steely.
Ava and Erica both sucked in sharp breaths. Paisley’s mouth formed a tiny o of surprise. That’s right, Paize, I’m still here and kicking.
“We’ve just been worried about you,” Ava said in a tone so sincere that I felt some of the gunmetal that had instantaneously built up around my insides soften. “But, I mean…” She fidgeted. “This weekend you seemed so much more like your old self, maybe … I don’t know … maybe you just needed a little more time.”