Colter stands to let me by but doesn’t follow. Did I want him to follow?
I make my way down the stairs to the bottom and pass by a lot of people wearing funny hats with balls on the top of their heads. The concession stand is next to the bleachers, so I place the order and stand around, waiting. I tap my fingers on the counter and the PTA Mom of the Year gives me a glare. I stop and search the field for Jackson and spot . . . Kirstyn heading my way.
“Hurry up, PTA lady,” I growl under my breath.
Kirstyn comes up beside me. “You didn’t tell me you were coming here. I would have asked for a Diet Coke.”
That’s because I wouldn’t have gotten it for you. “Sorry, Janie wanted some hot chocolate.”
“Oh, I see. You’re her bitch now.”
I face her. Oh, no she didn’t. “I’m no one’s bitch.”
She licks her lips like a predator ready to devour their prey. “I see how you look at Colter. I can’t believe that you’d think he’d want you.”
“I don’t look at him. You’re delusional.”
“See, I don’t think I am. I know about you, Ellery. I know all about you.”
There’s no way she could know. What does she know? Did he tell her I want to kill myself? Can she see it on me?
“No, you don’t. You don’t know me at all.”
“I live with my grandma on Mason Drive. Right in front of the cemetery. I’ve seen you.”
My whole body feels like it drops.
“I saw when Jackson carried you out of the cemetery the other day. Grandma and I like to take walks early in the morning. I was surprised to see Jackson at the cemetery. And lo and behold, he’s carrying you in his arms. Why is that, Ell?”
“Stop it.”
She gets closer to me, corners me against the side of the bleachers. “Who’s in that cemetery? Or were you and Jackson becoming more than friends? You know, I’ve always wondered why he stuck around you for so long.”
The metal rod that holds up the bleachers is jamming into my back. I can feel the bruise coming. I search for a way out. Her voice sounds like a bird shrieking. “You need to go.”
“Or maybe you were visiting your sister. Is she the one that made you this basket case?”
I need to fight it.
Don’t let her get to you. Breathe.
The rage builds in my body like the engine to a rocket. I’m bursting behind my skin, exploding into shrapnel.
“You’re batshit crazy, and you’re never going to get Colter. So just give up.”
I can feel my eyes start to tear up and I’m ashamed. I want to run, but she has me blocked. She’s hovering over me and I’m cowering and I’m weak. This is all my fault. I thought I could fit in. I thought I could have friends, but clearly I can’t.
“Does Colter know you hang out in cemeteries with Jackson at night?” she asks, her eyes widening, her body curving over my hunched one.
“Kirstyn? What the fuck are you doing?”
Kirstyn freezes at Colter’s voice.
He comes up behind her and shoves her out of the way, then grabs my shoulders and lowers his head so it’s in front of mine. “Are you okay?” he says, concern in his eyes.
He didn’t hear what she said.
I shake him off. “I’m fine.” I wipe my eyes quickly, hoping he won’t notice I’d started to cry. “Did the game start?”
He eyes me carefully. “Yeah, why don’t you go back up; I’ll get Janie’s cocoa. Do you need anything?”
I shake my head.
“Actually, I probably shouldn’t leave you alone,” he adds.
I try to give him a strong grin and straighten my posture. “It’s fine. Just girl stuff. I’ll be fine. Just go. I’ll meet you in the bleachers.”
He considers it for a moment then spins and heads toward the concession stand. Kirstyn is gone.
Instead of going back to the bleachers, I head out to the parking lot.
27
I’m almost to my car when I see Dean’s disheveled hair in the distance. What’s he doing here?
“Dean?” I yell.
He turns around and gets an annoyed look on his face. He glances side to side, then walks toward me.
I move closer to him. “What’re you doing here?”
He shuffles his feet on the gravel of the parking lot. “I left my algebra book. Had to get it.”
I study him. He’s avoiding my eyes and acting guilty of something. “What’s going on?”
He shakes his head, then shoves his hands in his pockets. He doesn’t have an algebra book with him. “Nothing. I gotta go. See you in Soc tomorrow.” He flashes a crooked smile and takes off.
“Wait. Hold on.”
He doesn’t turn back around.
? ? ?
I hold the steaming cup of coffee up to my mouth and sip it. The drive from Starbucks is short, and before I take the third sip I’m home. I pull my car into the driveway and get out. I’m almost to the door when I notice Colter sitting on the stairs of my house. He must have parked down the street.
He stands up when I get close. “You left.”
“I told you. I didn’t know anything about football.”