I feel a hand shake me. “Ell.”
Chills run through my body from the cold. My toes and hands are numb. I curl more into myself, trying to get warm. For a moment I forget where I am, but it comes back like a dagger to my skin. The dread is back, circulating through my body like it’s in my blood.
“Ell, come on. Get up,” Jackson says.
“I’m f-fine where I am, J-J-Jackson Gray,” I say through chattering teeth.
The chill feels good. I deserve to be cold. It doesn’t even bother me.
It feels right.
“It’s freezing, and you’re bleeding and covered in soil.” He grabs me under my shoulders and yanks me off Tate’s grave. I struggle in his grip, but he holds on.
I pull away from him. “Leave me alone.”
Jackson holds tight and pulls me into him. I push at his chest, trying to keep him at arm’s length. He rolls his eyes and then I’m being lifted in the air. He has me in his arms and he’s carrying me out of the graveyard.
I pound my fists on his back. “Put me down. Have you lost your mind?”
“Have you? Anything could have happened to you out here. How many times am I going to have to come rescue you from this cemetery?”
“I never asked you to.”
“Jesus, Ell. Let me help you. It’s obvious you aren’t over what happened with Ta—”
“Don’t you fucking say her name.”
We near his car and he sets me down, never letting go of me, and opens the door. He lifts me into the front seat and folds my legs into the space under the dashboard. I lean my head back on the headrest and stare at the graves. The sky is dark, but with shades of morning pinks. I have no idea what time it is and I have no energy to look.
A whoosh of cold air comes into the car and I shiver again. Jackson turns the heat on high and looks over at me with a worried, frustrated expression on his face. “Are you trying to kill yourself?”
My breath stops. Colter told him. He didn’t believe my lies. I knew I couldn’t trust him.
“It’s thirty degrees out there. You’ll get pneumonia.”
At least it would be over.
I let out a sigh of relief. He’s just talking about tonight. “I wanted to see her.”
“You have to stop blaming yourself.”
I nod like I agree. He doesn’t know. It’s all my fault.
“You should have just left me there.”
He pulls out of the cemetery and onto the road. “Don’t be so dramatic. Besides I told you I would never leave you. Just like you never left me.”
“I think you’ve repaid that debt, Jackson Gray.”
He shakes his head. “So quickly you forget our pact.”
I put my foot on his dash and hold my hands in front of the vents. I still can’t believe he’s still rescuing me, years later. “Who could forget that. You were cowering on the floor of the library.”
“I wasn’t cowering.”
“Okay. You were leaning down to get a book when large bullies materialized in front of you.” I glance at him. “Is that better?”
He rolls his eyes. “No one’s ever done something like that for me before. Even though I’d never admit a girl fought one of my battles.”
I adjust the seat belt so it’s tighter. “Get over it, Jackson Gray. I did what anyone would do.”
“No one else would have stuck up for the new kid.” He shrugs. “Is that the type of person you’d leave freezing in a cemetery?”
“You mean, you’d leave other people freezing in a cemetery?”
He sighs and nudges me in the shoulder. “Just shut up.”
14
23 Days
“Sing from your gut. Suck it in and hold out those notes,” Aunt Sue says from the front of the class.
I hold my breath and hold out the high C for as long as I can. I have to stop and take a breath and decide to just fake the rest of the note. I can’t bring myself to care about choir. Janie’s in the front row really belting it out. It must be nice to be so confident in your voice that you can belt it out in a room of thirty other people. She and Jackson are together now, and he hasn’t found an excuse to leave her yet. I sneak a glance at Colter two seats down. Something unfamiliar roils through my body. It feels like butterfl—Shit.
Impossible.
I’ve been staring at him for too long. I quickly jerk my head back to the front and watch Aunt Sue and her animated gestures. She notices me and gives me a glare. She can tell I’m not singing. I don’t start.
She waves her hands in the air to stop the music, then folds her arms across her chest. “There’s someone in this room who isn’t singing.”
“Shit,” I say under my breath.
She centers her gaze on me. “Ellery, care to share why you aren’t singing?”
Fuming, I curl my hands into fists. I don’t like caring about what other people think, but Colter’s here and Janie, and all of a sudden, I don’t want to look stupid. I hate them for that.
“I ran out of breath and couldn’t get back into it.” Sort of the truth.