But that’s not true for Karina.
It’s not just the glossy look in her eyes, the vacant smile and messy hair. She’s entrenched on the wrong side of reality. She’s been too deep for too long, and I don’t know that there is any way to get her out.
She’s rising from her shaky curtsy, her smile too bright as she exclaims, “The heir is here! The heir lives!”
“I’m … no!” I exclaim, partly because it isn’t something I like being reminded of. Partly because the last thing I need is for the rest of the world to hear her.
“Amelia—”
“No!” I snap, and grasp her by the arms. “I’m not the heir. Mrs. Volkov—Karina—I am Grace. Grace Blakely. Do you know who I am?”
Alexei’s mother goes silent and still. It’s scary how drastically she changes. She tilts her head, as if studying me. It’s like I’m a noise in a distant room, trying to pull her from a dream.
For a second, she sees me. I can tell by the tilt of her head, the look in her eye. Then her gaze shifts onto Alexei, and the curtain falls again.
“Karina,” I try, but she reaches out for both of my hands, makes me twirl around like we’re a pair of girls playing outside on the first pretty day of the year. But we’re not outside. We’re surrounded by four dirty cinder-block walls and there are bars on the windows. The sky outside is dull and gray.
But Karina doesn’t notice, doesn’t care. She just starts to sing.
“‘Hush, little princess, dead and gone. No one’s gonna know you’re coming home.’”
“Karina, please. I need to ask you about Caroline.”
“‘Hush, little princess, wait and see. No one’s gonna know that you are me!’”
“Karina!” I yell, but it’s like she doesn’t hear me. I risk looking at Alexei. I expect disappointment, maybe fear. But his face is frozen, like he’s incapable of feeling anything anymore as his mother keeps dancing.
“Karina, I need to talk to you, please. We came a long way to talk to you.”
She leans close, as if to share a secret, then sings, “‘Hush, little princess, it’s too late. The truth is locked behind the gates.’”
This stops me. I know this song. My mother used to sing it when I was a little girl. It’s the “Ring-Around-the-Rosy” of Adria—everyone knows it; all the children sing it. It is the chorus of my childhood.
There are lots of different versions with minor changes—different words used here or there. But I have never in my life heard this verse.
I stop and look at Alexei.
“‘Hush, little princess, pretty babe. The sunlight shines where the truth is laid! Hush, little—’”
“Shut up!” Alexei’s shout fills the room, and Karina stops singing. Slowly, she turns to her son, almost like she’s just now realized that he’s here.
She stands up a little taller, smiles a little brighter. “You are very handsome,” she says. Then she turns to me, whispers, “Isn’t he handsome?”
I glance at her son. There’s no denying the truth. “Yes. He is.”
“Is he yours?” Karina asks, and I can’t help myself. I look at Alexei, not quite certain of the answer. I almost miss the tear that falls from the corner of her eye as she says, “I used to have a boy who was handsome.”
Is she thinking about Alexei? About Alexei’s father? There are so many things I want to know, but I feel like answers are precious and Karina will only grant a few.
I’m just getting ready to ask about Alexei when he says, “Do you know her?” and points to me.
The dreamy smile is back. Karina starts to curtsy. “The heir has risen. The heir has returned.”
But before she dips down again, Alexei grabs her arms.
He’s being too rough, and she’s too fragile. Her mind and her body. Alexei has never really known his own strength.
“Do you know her?” he demands. “Did you talk to her mother?”
“Alexei.” I reach for his hands, try to pull his fingers free of his mother’s arms.
“Do you know her?” he asks, and Karina smiles up at him, at me.
“Of course.” She stumbles back as he lets her go. “It’s so good to see you again, Caroline. I have missed you so.”
I didn’t realize that she could move so fast, that she might be so strong. But before I can really process what she’s said, she lunges toward me, pulls me into the world’s most awkward hug.
And somehow I know it’s the first touch of kindness that she’s felt in years. I let myself sink into the hug, trying not to think about how rare they are in a place like this.
“I missed you,” Karina whispers.
“I …” I pull back and glance at Alexei. “I missed you, too. You know, I was trying to remember—when was the last time I saw you?”
Gently, Karina pulls away, like a child trying to keep from having to admit she hasn’t cleaned their room. She goes to one of the grimy windows, looks out at the gray sky and barren land.
Softly, she sings, “‘Hush, little princess …’”
I don’t want to look at Alexei. I don’t want to take the chance that seeing this might break him, too.
“Karina, I need to talk to you about the last time I was here,” I say, but she doesn’t turn.