Go kick his ass.
Please. Give me something to think about other than him. Fuck him up for coming near me. Tell him to stay away like you’ve told all the others.
No
Traitor!
Aren’t you going to be mad about it?
You’ve been mad about all the other guys who’ve shown interest.
More grossed out. Do you want to hear about me and Dana?
Ewww.
No.
I sigh and fall onto my bed.
Unprovoked. I did it, acted first, went after him.
I’m turning into someone else, and it’s scary.
But it’s also exciting on a level I don’t even want to think about.
July 1, 2015
That itch is back, pulling at my skin, making it feel too tight.
I need her again.
It never stops.
It never will.
A shot glass is slammed down onto the table in front of me. “Drink that shit and stop fantasizing about my sister. I can only take so much.”
I grab what’s undoubtedly a shot of tequila and grumble, “How the fuck do you know what I’m thinking?”
Ryan pounds back his own shot. “You look like a starving animal.”
That’s because I am.
“It’s disgusting.”
I agree, but only because of how little control I have left.
It was bad before I had her. Now?
God help me.
“Leave him alone, babe. He’s in love.” Dana rubs her hand into Ryan’s shoulder.
“Yeah.” I pull out my phone—nothing. No text. No calls. Is she even fucking thinking about me? “Besides, you get the same damn look on your face when you think of your girl.”
“My girl isn’t your sister.”
“You’ll learn to live with it.”
“No, I won’t. Trust me. I’ve already considered investing in some long-term therapy to erase the images in my head.”
“That’s your own damn fault for being such a pervert.”
“It’s called having an overactive imagination, you asshole!”
Dana laughs at the two of us.
I offer her as much of a smile as I can, then look back down at my phone. Kira’s been opening up more to me lately, but it’s moments like this when I realize that there’s still this huge wall between us. An entire day without reaching out to me. I text her, as usual, too.
Another drink is slid in my direction. I grab it without looking up. Opening up Facebook, I go straight to Kira’s profile, needing a hit. Any kind of hit.
No posts. No new images.
I don’t know whether to be happy about that or not.
My leg starts bouncing as impatience chokes me. Where is she? What is she up to?
Why can’t she just open up to me already?
If she doesn’t reach out to me soon, I’m going to snap and hunt her down. I know myself.
“Yo, give her some space, man.”
I glare at Ryan.
“Let him be, baby. He isn’t stalking her down. That’s an improvement, I’d say.”
Dana gets a glare next.
I’m about to crawl out of my fucking skin. I know this isn’t normal. My blood is literally boiling with hunger, frustration.
Being angry with Kira isn’t an option. I have no right.
I can’t help it.
Damn it, girl, just miss me as much as I’m missing you.
Running a hand through my hair, I stand up. “I’m going to get another drink.”
Ryan eyes me warily. “You sure that’s a good idea? Maybe you shouldn’t get drunk. We all know how you get.”
I give him the finger and walk away without responding. Getting drunk tonight isn’t a part of my plan, but I do need a bit more to try and numb myself.
Making my way to the bar takes longer than it should. That’s because it’s crammed with people who came to see tonight’s game. I weave my way through the crowd, my hand in my pocket and wrapped around my phone.
I’m waiting for it to vibrate. To give me a fucking hint that what I’ve seen the last few weeks is true. That the girl does care for me. I’m starting to suspect that she’ll never move past using me for sex.
It’s sick and painful, but fuck, no, I won’t stop. Even if it is true, I have no plans of going anywhere.
I told her I was her fuckdoll. Asked her to use me. I want that, more than I can fathom.
But I’d be lying if I said the need for more than that isn’t clawing at my common sense.
I’m practically her dildo. She said so.
So why the fuck isn’t she searching me out to use me? I’ll fucking take anything at this point, but the radio silence from her end is fucking with me.
Some guy backs up a step, bumping into me. I stop in my tracks, jaw twitching. The guy turns around, chest puffed out, like he’s about to do something stupid.
One look at my face and he backs down immediately, mumbling an apology.
Thought so.
He steps out of my way, head bowed.
Before I can continue on my path, I feel someone fist the back of my T-shirt.
The fuck?
I’m yanked backwards, straight out the door leading to the back of the bar. A door I’m pretty sure is for employees only.
“Get the fuck off me.” I jerk my shoulder, releasing the person’s grip, and spin around to face them.
Hazel eyes.
Auburn hair.
The sexiest face and body this planet has ever been graced with.
My obsession.