And it’s probably only a matter of time before he comes to the conclusion that I still feel something for him.
I fall back on my door and slide down to the floor, staring off into space, wondering what the hell I’m going to do now.
April 25th, 2015
Saturday is not going how I wanted it to. I’m alone and bored.
Ashley and Marilyn are at a family reunion, while Jenna is grounded at home for missing curfew. Mom and Steve went to some event downtown and are probably going to be gone all day.
I could go shopping, or to the gym, or half a dozen other things, but instead I’m sitting in front of the TV with Netflix up, trying to decide on what series I’m going to dive into.
And keeping my mind off everything that happened last weekend.
School helped distract me all week, but now I’m at home with silence, and I feel it. The itching in my chest, the tightness, the growing . . . despair? No, that’s not the right feeling.
It’s all jumbled, disorienting. I don’t know how or what I feel. It’s all a big freaking mess.
After deciding on breaking down and watching Vampire Diaries, I hop up to grab something to munch on from the kitchen. Staring into the pantry leaves me with multiple options: chips, crackers, popcorn, trail mix, and cereal.
Fruit Loops sounds like the perfect moody munchy, and I grab the box and plop back down on the couch.
I hit play with the remote and reach in for some fruity, crunchy goodness when the doorbell chimes. I contemplate ignoring it, but instead hit pause and go to find out who’s here.
The moment I have the door open I want to shut it again. I want to slam it hard in his face.
“What do you want, Austin?” I cross my arms over my chest.
He looks nervous, which he should be. “Can we talk?”
I turn from him and walk into the living room.
“What?”
“I want to talk about what happened last weekend,” he says. I can hear him step forward. “Kira, please look at me.”
With a huff I swivel around and glare up at him. “I don’t want to hear about how good of a fuck Jennifer is.”
He shakes his head. “I made a mistake, a huge one. I like you, and—”
I push against Austin’s chest. “All you motherfuckers are the same!”
“Kira—”
“No. I don’t want your lame ass excuse. Every time a guy tells me he wants to be with me, the next second he’s fucking that slut. Why?”
He stares at me, fear in his eyes. “I was drunk and . . . Fuck . . .”
“Drunk? That’s your excuse for sticking your dick in that clap trap?”
His lips form a thin line and his expression hardens. “Yeah, an excuse, but I know you don’t want to hear the reason.”
“Try me.”
His jaw twitches again and he looks away, then back. “I saw it.”
“Saw what?” I ask with a huff.
“The way you looked at him. The way he looked at you.”
I shake my head. “What are you talking about?”
“Brayden.”
My eyes widen and I stare at him as my once boiling blood turns to ice.
No. Brayden is not a subject I want to talk about.
“When you told him to leave . . . That wasn’t the way you act with a brother or a even a friend. It felt like I was the one intruding on some intimate scene between lovers.”
I take a step back and shake my head. “It’s not like that.”
“Then tell me what it’s like.” He steps forward, staying in my personal space, suffocating me with his interrogation.
“It’s complicated.”
He lets out a strained laugh and lifts my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Complicated? Screw complicated, then. I want you. I’ve wanted you for years, but him and your brother were always there, blocking everyone. Then I finally get the chance to be close.” His jaw ticks and he looks around. “I’m laying myself out here—I like you, a lot. I want you to be my girl. Do you feel anything for me?”
The blood in my veins heats up again to a raging boil. “Really? You’re asking me out after having sex with her?” I can’t even say Jennifer’s name. I want to rip her hair out, slam her face into the ground, and kick the shit out of her.
He shakes his head, but I don’t know if it’s at me or at himself. “I’m sorry.”
No. Not that. “Fuck your sorry! I’m fucking tired of that word!”
His head hangs. “Please, Kira, I’ll do anything for a chance with you.”
“Another thing I’m tired of hearing,” I hiss. “I thought about it, you and me. I really did. I wanted to give you a chance, to see if we could be something.” He looks up, eyes meeting mine, a mixed look of happiness and horror. “Then you stuck your dick back in that slut. So tell me, what the fuck is so great about her * that it always seems to win out over feelings for me? Why am I not enough to win out over an easy, well-worn *?”
His expression morphs, eyes narrow on me. “You seem to think I’ve been with sleeping with Jenn this entire time. The last time we were together was years ago, Kira. Years ago.”
I blink back at him, my hands shaking. Oh, no.