It's going to take her some time to get used to it all, but she will, just like she did before. I know I am a lucky man to have her, and I'll make sure she never regrets it. I wasn't lying about the promise I made. I don't need to hunt anymore. I've gotten my prize. I had to show her my commitment, even if it meant she heard my flaws. I wouldn't know until I spoke, whether I would sound like a babbling incoherent idiot or not, but living in truth truly is the greatest remedy. It'll only get better, speaking to her, the way it did around my mother. Though the night will always be my home, I finally have a place in the sun with Vesp.
It's funny how I can finally speak to her, but we spend most of the afternoon in bed, staring at each other. I wipe the tears from her glowing cheeks. I watch her settle into the decision she made. As each minute passes, she seems easier. This is what she wanted. She just needed permission to want it. Vesper is good. I needed to make her feel like this was a good thing. That by putting that gun down, she was still protecting people.
I've decided, with Vesper's approval, of course, that I'll be grilling up some burgers for dinner tonight. God, I feel good. I feel…happy. It was a long shot, this whole thing, but in the end, it all paid off. Planning and focus always does.
I fumble around with the charcoal so that it perfectly frames the box. For so long, it was my only way to feel connected to the thrill of those moments. But they weren't real, now that I have something that is, I know this. Every time I used to open that box, the memories got a little foggier, the emotional connection a little weaker.
I squirt an obscene amount of lighter fluid on the thing and the surrounding charcoals, and throw a match in. I jump back as the flames shoot up. I keep the fire going, sweat pouring over my brow as I use a grill fork to open the box and add fuel to the contents. A smiling picture of a couple I don't even remember curls as the flames overtake it.
I look over at Vesper, sitting on a chair on the back patio. She looks troubled for a moment, and I get it. She's a sweet thing. That's what I saw in her that day. She was the embodiment of I had always dreamed of: a person--a spirit--kind enough for both of us. I'll help her reconcile it all in time.
I wave at her and it breaks her distant stare. She gives me a smile that lets me know her mind is in a million places, but she's here, and that's all that matters.
I said I would do it. Piece by piece. Break her down, and build her up again. Until she was rid of all the things holding her back from me. I never lost sight of that, even when things looked dire.
I'm not a killer. Not really. Not unless I have to.
But if there was anything I knew would finally push her to make a choice, the hard choice, to commit instead of wavering, it was that.
I didn't have her at the ranch. I didn't have her until I let her go. Until I bloomed into the monster that she felt only she could save.
I meant what I said. You're all safe now. You can thank Vesper for that.
“Look at him out there, playing with Johnny,” mom says, glancing out of her kitchen window. It's not the house we used to live in. She decided to sell it. Too many bad memories.
“Yeah, he's so good with him,” I add wistfully. It always tugs on my heart in a painful way, in the way something can be both beautiful and sad, watching Sam with my little brother.
I look back at my mother and she's looking at me with a smile—you know—that smile. The one where they want you to see they are happy to watch you in the moment.
“What?” I ask sheepishly.
“Oh, it's just, I'm happy for you is all.” She folds her arms and takes a breath. “Listen, I know I haven't been the greatest—”
“Mom, don't.”
“Let me finish, Vesp.” She places a hand on my forearm as my arms cross my chest. “I know I haven't been the greatest mother, but I have always wanted the best for you. I just wanted you to be happy. When you left like that—I worried so much about you. That I had lost you forever. But I understood you needed to get away from that house, and even Carter. Hell, probably mostly me. I'm just so glad you're feeling better. And I am happy that you found a nice guy like Sam.”
“Thanks mom. He likes you, too.”
I couldn't stay away from home forever. I love my brother, and even though my mother has decided to keep him at the home, he still needs his family. Sam understood that, and he was in total agreement.