I suck in a breath when he takes off without even idling for a few minutes to get a feel for the choppy water. No, Captain Carlos hammers down on the throttle and we fly out across the ocean. Without thinking, I lean into Dane.
He looks down at me, surprise flashing across his face before he wraps his arm around my shoulders. “You can swim, Kat.”
The wind tries to steal his words, but I hear them anyway and yell my response. “I know.”
“You’re going to be fine.”
“If I drown, I will never forgive you.”
He presses his lips against my temple. “If you think I’m going to let you drown, then you don’t know me very well.”
I flick my gaze up to meet his.
You don’t know me very well.
My best friend’s words before I left to elope echo in my head.
*
Two years ago
“How well do you really even know him?”
“It’s been six months, Ben. I think I know him.”
He dropped a hand on each of my shoulders. “One weekend a month and two weeks in the summer is the kind of commitment you give the Army Reserve, Kat, not a relationship.”
I hated that he had a point.
“At least go live together before you get married. Maybe he has some double life you know nothing about. Or maybe he leaves the seat up. Or doesn’t rinse the sink after he shaves. There could be a million things you hate about each other within a couple weeks.”
“But we’ve lived together for a couple weeks, and—”
“And you were on vacation. Yes, I know you’re going to say you were working too, but it was completely different. I’m not trying to be an asshole. I’m saying this because I love you. I know it’s been hard since your mom died, and I love that he’s been an escape for you. You needed it. But think about this, Kat. You’re the smartest woman I know. Your relationship with him has been a vacation. It’s not real.”
The words were like a slap in the face. I pulled away from Benjie’s grip.
“Why are you trying to shit on this? Is it because you’re jealous that I finally have something good in my life that’s not work?”
Benjie’s dark blond eyebrows knitted together. “Listen to yourself, Kat. You’re so fucking scared about what you’re doing that you’re taking swipes at me and sounding like a total bitch. Don’t do this. Just . . . please, go live with him first. You don’t have to marry him. What if he has another family he’s hiding from you?”
“Why would you even say that?” My words came out sounding hysterical, and I spun around and headed for the door of Benjie’s apartment.
“Kat, wait. I know you need someone in your life other than me, but—”
I paused at the door and interrupted him. “But what if this is my only chance? What if . . . what if it happens to me too?”
Apology and sympathy were etched into Benjie’s features. “Kitty Kat, you have to stop living your life with your head buried in the sand some days, and other days like an adrenaline junkie. You’re letting a tiny possibility fuck you up, and it’s not healthy. You need to find out for sure.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “I don’t want to know.”
Benjie shook his head. “For the smartest girl I know, you do some pretty dumb shit. Go live with him. Make sure you want to be together. And tell him the truth.”
“I can’t.”
“I don’t want to say I told you so. Don’t make me that friend.”
“I love you, Benjie.”
“I love you too, Kitty Kat.” He yanked me into a hug, and tears rushed down my face. “I just want you to be happy.”
“He makes me happy.”
“Then so be it.” Benjie pulled back. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
*
Present day
Maybe Benjie was right to be scared for my future. Maybe when you have nothing to lose, it allows you to see things more clearly.
Water splashes me across the face like a cold reminder of reality.
“Sorry ’bout that, ma’am. I’m trying to miss the waves,” Carlos yells.
Dane looks at me, as though expecting me to raise holy hell over getting a little wet, but I don’t.
“It’s fine. No worries.” I wipe the water from my face with my hand, squinting at the burn of the salt.
Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me to quit dwelling in the past and live more in the present.
Working as many hours as humanly possible was the only way I knew how to cope. All I could control. I’m letting fear of the unknown terrify me into forgetting how to live.
The sun begins to set behind us, turning the clouds in the sky ahead pink and purple. By dwelling in the past, I’m missing all of the beauty in front of me.
Another good reminder. Be present or you never know the beauty of everything you’ve missed.
“Wow.” My voice carries over the salt-tinged wind.
Dane lifts his arm from around my shoulders. “Look at the sunset behind us. It’s even better.”
I crane my neck and, sure enough, beyond Carlos the sky is a wall of brilliant color. It doesn’t look like the sun is setting, but flaming out in a burst of orange and yellow, strengthening into red at the edges. I’m surprised I can’t feel heat on my face coming from the intensity of the hues.
“Wow.” This time I whisper the word like a prayer.
“It’s amazing what you can see when you’re not staring down at a phone or laptop.”
The dig isn’t subtle, and it’s definitely not lost on me. Instead of getting defensive, I agree.
“You’re right.”
We both go quiet, and eventually my awe at the vivid colors painting the sky fades away as the land behind us becomes more and more distant, and there’s nothing but water ahead of us.
Nowhere to swim to if something happens.
I’m not ready to die. Especially not now.
I promise I’ll change.
Concentrating on breathing in and out, I relax into the seat as little islands pop up, dotting the ocean in front of us. A new feeling, something resembling excitement, curls through me.
This is beautiful.
Clear Caribbean-blue water. Islands. Palm trees. Gorgeous.
And I’m blessed to be alive and experiencing it.
Ten days.
One marriage to save.
We can do this.
Chapter 7
Kat