“He played for the Arrows, right?”
I nod. “He was decent. I mean, I didn’t knock him out or anything, although I was considering it might come to that a time or two. And,” I wink, “he said to tell you that you owe him a half a bottle of Patrón.”
“Fuck that,” he laughs. He waits as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and crack open the top before continuing. “So, you and Cam are okay?”
The water is ice cold going down my throat, and at the mention of her name, it splashes into my stomach. I cough, water coming back up. Holding my head over the sink, my eyes searing with tears, I cough until I think I’m going to black out.
Once I’m righted and breathing normally, Nate furrows a brow. “Is that a yes?”
“It’s an I don’t know,” I admit.
“Why do you say that?”
“Do I really need to explain the obvious?”
“No, but you need to explain the stupid.”
Rolling my eyes, I place the water on the counter and lean against it. “I’ve always known she came from a completely different world than we do. Her life is picture-perfect. It’s like a fucking movie, man.”
“Fast forward to the part where you get to the point.”
“The point is,” I say, sucking in a breath, “I’m never going to fit into her world and I’ll never trust mine with her.”
He doesn’t respond because I’m right.
“At the risk of sounding like a pussy, I’ll admit I hate it. If she were anyone else, anyone else, I’d wife her. There wouldn’t be a second of hesitation. But she’s not just anyone else, and I can’t do that to her.”
“You make it sound like you’re an ape or something.”
“I may as well be from the jungle.” I lift the bottle again and down the rest of the water, managing to not choke this time. As I lick my lips, cool from the liquid, I toss the plastic into the garbage. “I think I’m going to need something a little stronger tonight.”
“Not while you have my kid you don’t.”
“I forgot about that little shit,” I joke. “This blows, you know it?”
“If you believe what you say, it does. I happen to think you’re full of crap.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yup.”
“Look at our mom,” I say, going to a place we don’t often. “Her parents were decent people. Good people. She got with our sperm donor and look what happened to her. It was like that Jack Nicholson movie where he’s not crazy, but they make him believe it and he kind of is at the end.”
“But—”
“Or Keeley,” I say, wincing as his features drop. “She was a hell of a mom to Ryder and a good wife to you. She loved you and that kid. Then she got hanging around with Bond’s ex-wife, took the needle in her vein, and was dead in six months.”
Nate runs his hand over his face, still not completely over the death of his ex-wife. They’d divorced when he found out she was hooked on heroin and he got custody of Ryder. He loved her, even then. There’s no doubt he always will.
“I can’t let that happen to Cam,” I say quietly. “She has the world, Nate. Everything anyone could ever want, she has it. The only direction she can go is down and she can go so fucking far down if she turns the wrong way that . . .”
My head shakes side to side, my eyes forcing closed not wanting to imagine Camilla as anything as she is right now. Happy. Bright. Lively.
“I’m afraid I can’t protect her from all that shit, Nate.”
He looks at me with the pity that I’ll only take from him. I’ll take it from him because he understands my plight. He’s been there. He knows the anguish even more than I do. “Yeah, I see what you’re saying.”
“Cam’s a hard girl to distance yourself from,” I grin. “I tell myself if I’d realized it when I met her, I would’ve stayed away. But I know that’s a lie. There’s nothing in the world that would’ve stopped me from seeing her, just like I’m having an impossible time telling myself to stop seeing her now.”
“Do you have to though? I mean, it’s not about money, and she’s not some chick from the bar or whatever. She has a house. A gate. Security if she wants it. She can kind of take care of herself.”
“Then what good am I? Why would she keep me around if I can’t even protect her?”
“The dick?”
“This isn’t funny,” I say, but find myself laughing anyway.
“To answer your question,” he says, making his way to the door, “you could love her. And be there for her. And support her. That’s what I think about when I think about the good times with Keeley. That’s what I miss. I miss seeing her eyes light up when I’d bring her home little gifts or the way she’d look at me like nothing else mattered. Like we were a team. We’d talk about what we wanted in life and how we were going to get it and dream and plot and plan and laugh at how dumb we were.”
With a little smile, he opens the door. “I gotta go or I’m going to be late. Be home later.”
“See ya.”
The door snaps shut and I’m left standing in the kitchen. The picture is crooked on the wall where Nate tried to rehang it after my tantrum yesterday. The picture itself is one from my grandmother’s kitchen. It hung in there my entire life. It reminds me of ham loaf and mashed potatoes and Gospel songs on the radio while we ate with plastic silverware in front of the television.
With a sad smile, I head down the hallway to check on Ryder.
Camilla
“THOSE ARE SUPER CUTE.” JOY points at my new yoga pants and smiles. “Where’d you get them?”
“Halcyon,” I say in reference to Ellie’s store. “She has a new line in and they’re amazing. I love them. She has these in green too.”
“I might run by there tomorrow. Cute workout clothes make me want to wear them which, in turn, gets me off my butt and into the gym. Sometimes.”
We go back to stretching after our yoga routine. I planned on skipping today, but after yesterday, my body needed the release.
I kept my phone in my pocket all evening yesterday and even took it into the bathroom while I soaked in the tub just so I wouldn’t miss his call in case one came through. I warred with myself whether or not to just call him but decided he might need the space after dealing with my brothers. Maybe I needed a little time, too, to let things marinate.
“So,” Mallory says, plopping down beside us, “Sienna said Ford and Linc met your mystery man yesterday.”
I eye my sister as she sits in between Mallory and I. “Yes. They met Dominic.”
“Oh, he has a name,” Mallory teases. “You know, I feel like I’m ostracized from information because of Graham.”
“You know, you feel right,” I laugh.
“Okay, but you guys directed me to him,” she protests. “It isn’t fair that I don’t get to be one of the girls.”
“Whoa!” Joy says, cutting in. “Did you say Dom had lunch with your brothers?” Her eyes are wide, her jaw hanging open. “I know none of you want to hear this, but that’s like alpha heaven right there—no offense, Mal.”
“That’s gross,” Sienna flinches. “Except for the Dom part. I’ll agree with you there.”