Healing …
Tearing us both apart so our kisses, our shared breaths, the feel of him moving deep inside me, and his heart beating against mine can put us back together for every month, and every week, and every day, and every hour, and every minute, and every second that we weren’t together. It’s the holy communion of our bodies.
“Please forgive me, Ronan.” I pull him closer to me, tightening my legs around his waist, trying to swallow him into my body, fuse his soul with mine, but it’s not close enough. It will never be. He begins to pound into me.
Hard …
Painful …
Agonizing …
He’s not making love to me. He’s trying to possess me, to brand himself in me with each thrust. And through it all, I tell him how much I love him, hoping that I can break each and every single barrier between us. Lawrence. Rachel. All the unnecessary hurt.
Jealousy …
Anger …
Betrayal …
Lies …
Deceit …
It all fades to nothing.
Throwing his head back, Ronan pulls out of me, coming on my stomach as a shout is torn from deep within him. After cleaning myself in the bathroom, I come back to bed and find him lying flat on his stomach, his hair messy and eyes closed. I go to him, my heart swelling with happiness and love. Without saying a word, he pulls me in, enveloping me in a fierce embrace, and we fall asleep. As I’m closing my eyes, drifting away, I finally understand what true happiness is.
This moment.
In his arms.
I wake up feeling exuberant and ridiculously happy. The delicious soreness between my legs reminds me of all the times Ronan took me last night with an incessant passion and need that burned so brightly I’m surprised the place didn’t crumble down to ashes. With a smile on my lips I reach for him, but my hands come back empty. I open my eyes and discover that he isn’t in bed anymore. Sitting up, I find him sitting in the same accent chair watching me closely. He’s already showered and dressed in a red plaid shirt and jeans. The moment my gaze lands on him, my heart jumpstarts again.
I cover myself with a sheet, suddenly feeling shy. “Good morning.”
Silently, Ronan stands up and comes to stand at the foot of the bed, his handsome face inscrutable. Hard. The expressionless way he’s staring at me as though I’m an unwanted vision sends a chill running down my spine, but I tell myself that it’s just my overly tired imagination. This is the same man who made me his over and over again all through the night while he held me tight and never let go.
He takes out his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, opens it, and pulls out some bills. Frowning, I’m about to ask him what that money is for when he throws it carelessly on the bed. My heart sinks as the green paper slowly floats like feathers onto the mattress.
“What’s this?” I manage to ask.
“Isn’t this how it usually goes?” He puts his wallet away while his gaze roves over me dispassionately. “I’m paying for your services. I seem to remember that you once told me that I couldn’t afford you. Well, now I can.”
No. No. No. No.
Gripping the sheet close to my chest as if it were a lifeline, I tell myself that I’m dreaming and I’ll soon wake up to find that this has been a horrible nightmare. But as I stare at the man in front of me, feeling my barely healed heart shatter all over again, I realize that last night was a beautiful dream and this is my cruel reality.
“It can’t be …” I bring my hands to my temples, feeling lightheaded. “I don’t think I heard you right.”
“But you did, Blaire. I hope you’re not na?ve enough to think that what happened last night had anything to do with love,” he says with a detached calm. “I would be a fool to fall for you again. And if I may say so, your act is getting to be quite desperate. You don’t have to pretend to love me to get me to fuck you. It’s obvious that I want you. And that you want me now because I’m no longer a nobody, my ambitious and greedy Blaire.”
I’m unraveling into nothingness. I fell in love with Ronan the same way that you watch fireworks light up the sky. It was unexpected and breathtaking. My eternal midnight was suddenly full of glittering sparks that together rivaled the brightest of stars. He filled it with his powerful light, illuminating my world in beautiful colors. And last night, the sky didn’t just glow—it burned like the most brilliant sun. But as his words slice me open and deeply, the light goes out, leaving me in total, blinding darkness once again.
“I think you should go,” I say numbly.
When he’s by the door, his back to me, I hear myself say, “Wait.”
He looks back, raising an eyebrow, appearing bored. “Yes?”