Nothing but my empty living room.
Relieved, I turn the lights on and go to the kitchen to pour myself something to drink. As I gulp the water down, images of my parents, of the man whose face I couldn’t see, continue to flash in my eyes. Their voices grow louder and louder. I place the glass on the counter and cover my ears to tune them out, except it’s no use. They shout like every fiber in my body is to go to them and set things right between us. It’s the last thing that I thought I’d ever want but, in a startlingly lucid instant, it becomes as essential to me as my next breath. Suddenly gripped by a choking fear the dream might be true, I decide to go in search of answers back to where it all started.
But not before I take care of a few things here …
“Thank you so much for coming. You have no idea how much it means to me.”
“Don’t mention it.” Elly wraps an arm around my shoulders as we stand in front of Lawrence’s building. There was a time when I would have flinched from the close contact, but that was a lifetime ago. And today I need her and the quiet strength that she offers me in her one embrace more than ever.
“Do you feel better now?”
I think of what just happened, and my heart breaks all over again. “I don’t, but at least he has his money back. I don’t want it.”
“His assistant was nice to you.”
When we got to Lawrence’s office, I expected to be removed from the premises immediately. Instead, Gina welcomed us and asked if there was anything she could help me with. I wanted to beg her to let me see Lawrence but I knew it was out of the question, so I’d handed her an envelope with a check for all the money he ever gave me and told her to tell Lawrence that it belonged to him.
“Thank you for everything that you’ve done for me, Gina. I really appreciate it. I know this is out of line, but can I ask you for one last favor?”
She hesitated. “Sure.”
“Could you please tell him that I meant everything I said? He’ll know what that means.”
“He was there, Elly. I could feel him in the other room. I wish I could’ve seen him. Maybe … maybe this time he would have let me explain.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, at least not now. It’s only been a couple of days. Maybe later …”
I stare dully at the cars parked by the curb in front of us. “I hurt him badly, Elly.”
I’m aware that I did the right thing by ending our relationship, but the knowledge hasn’t diminished the pain one bit. If anything, the pain has gotten worse. Now that I’ve had time to look back and think about each and every moment that led to our good-bye, I can see that I have no one other than myself to blame. I was selfish and capricious. I took the blessed oblivion that Lawrence offered and soaked it in. I used him to forget and never stopped to think about his feelings. I believed him when he said that he only wanted my body, but refused to believe what his touch, his kisses, and the way he looked at me tried to convey.
I chose to ignore it all because it was safe and comforting.
And now look at the mess I’ve created.
“Well, Blaire, I would love to say that I told you so, but I’m pretty sure you already know that, so I won’t go there. And as much as I hate that I’m about to sound like a motivational Pinterest quote, I think all you can do now is try and learn from your mistakes.”
I feel a tap on my shoulder as I’m about to reply. Glancing back, my eyes widen when I take in the form of the person standing in front of me.
“Jackie?”
She crosses her arms across her chest. “So it’s you, huh?”
“Excuse me?” I frown. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play stupid with me, Blaire. I’m not Ronan or Lawrence. I won’t fall for your innocent act.”
“Hey! Watch it,” Elly interrupts, ready to pounce.
I place a hand on her arm and silently mouth the words that I got it. Then, I turn to look at Jackie once more.
“I work here.” She nods in the direction of Lawrence’s building. “I thought I saw you leave with Laurie a couple of weeks ago. I told myself that I was imagining things. But here you are, and suddenly everything makes sense.”
“What makes sense?”
“Jesus, is this what they fell for?” She shakes her head. “Please, don’t play innocent with me. It won’t work. Tell me, how does it feel to break the heart of not only one good man but of two? Are you proud of yourself?”
As soon as the words leave her mouth, I’m punched in the face with the realization that Jackie is the same woman who Lawrence loved all those years ago. It all makes sense now. Ollie. Bradley. Jackie’s confession in the kitchen about her past. Lawrence’s description of her parents. All the pieces of the puzzle finally come together and it shakes me to the core.