I shouldn’t be upset. I should be used to this. Lies. Lies. And more lies.
I scan the area around us and notice that we’re standing close to the sleek grey marble kitchen island. I walk to the edge of it and sit on top of the flat surface, spreading my legs open invitingly. Wantonly. Because why not? This is what I am—who I am.
“How about now? Why wait until I’m done with Lawrence?” I reply, surprised to sound so calm. Our gazes locked, I lift a hand and deliberately bring it between my legs, rubbing my * through my jeans. “Is this what you want?”
His eyes leave mine briefly to follow the motion of my fingers, flaring with lust, and I realize that I’ve never felt this cheap before. He moves, coming to stand between my legs. This close, I grab his jaw and pull his face toward mine, fooling him into thinking that I’m going to kiss him.
When our lips almost touch, I slightly draw back and look at him in the eye. “Even if Lawrence dumped me, I would never fuck you.” I smile. “I don’t fuck the working class.”
I push him to the side and get off the counter, my feet landing softly on the wooden floors, and leave the apartment behind me. As soon as I’m standing outside, I rush toward the elevator. Pressing the button for my floor repeatedly—urgently—I realize that it isn’t coming anytime soon. Not wanting to spend another minute here, I search for the fire stairwell. I locate the door to my right and sprint in its direction, slamming it open, and running down the stairs as fast as my feet will allow me. The pace frantic, I miss a few steps and fall down on my knees at the foot of the stairs. Stunned inside out, I recline my back against the wall and raise my hands, watching them tremble uncontrollably. The emotions that have threatened to spill over from the moment Ronan dropped me off finally let loose and come crashing down on me, making the room swirl around me.
“That’s because I was a fucking idiot too blinded by your beauty and your lies to see that there wasn’t anything worthy underneath your flawless exterior other than just a good fuck, Blaire.”
As my vision begins to blur, I whisper to myself, “You’re right, Ronan. You’re so right.” I cover my face with my hands as a sob escapes my lips.
And I begin to cry.
“BLAIRE?” I HEAR LAWRENCE ask as he opens the door.
I’m in the bathtub. The water has grown cold, but I can’t bring myself to move. I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been here. Naked and with my arms wrapped around my knees, I stare at the silver faucet, its curves and grooves blurring to one grey mass. I avoid meeting his gaze, look down at my body, and notice that it’s covered in tiny bumps.
“Hope you don’t mind that I’m here.”
“Not at all. I’m glad you came. Seeing you is the first thing that has brought me pleasure today.”
“You shouldn’t be, and you shouldn’t say those things to me.”
“Why not?”
“Because you of all people shouldn’t lie to me.” Finally, I turn to look at him and our gazes instantly collide. “You want to know why I’m here? I’m here because I don’t want to be alone, not because I want to be with you.”
His eyes never leaving mine, he watches me as though he can see all the way to my core, to every broken, sharp piece inside of me. “What happened between the time I left you this morning and right now?”
Lawrence closes the space between us and kneels next to the tub. He lifts a hand and reaches for me. I flinch when he touches me, making him withdraw. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that same hand tighten into a fist.
I lean forward, resting my chin on my knees. “I sat on a bench and watched this little girl playing by herself. She was chasing her own shadow, trying to catch it. She seemed so ... happy, you know? I saw her laughing, heard her laughter, and I thought to myself that there was a time when chasing my own shadow was exciting, too. When I was naive enough to believe that life couldn’t get better than spending a day at the park. When I was good, and worthy, and innocent …” My voice breaks.
“I wanted to run to her and wrap her in my arms. I wanted to tell her to hold on to that moment for as long as she could because the world is cruel. Because the world is unkind, and eventually, it will swallow you whole, turning your hopes into shattered dreams, and your dreams into nightmares. Until one day you wake up and no longer recognize yourself in the mirror. That the little girl who chased shadows is gone, and in her stead is someone you hate, someone who disgusts you. Someone like me. So to answer your question, nothing happened. Nothing except a daily reminder of who I am.”
“Look at me,” he orders in that strong voice of his.
I won’t.
“Look at me, Blaire.”
I won’t.