I’d never let anyone in like I had Avery, and now I’d let her down. I knew going to Doc Rose’s had been a dick move, and that was exactly why I hadn’t told her what I’d done. But that didn’t make it okay for her to just walk out on me. That wasn’t what love was about. At least, that’s what I thought.
I picked up the table and her necklace. I decided to try to distract myself with housework, but I kept running across things that reminded me of Avery. One of my pillows smelled like her shampoo, her razor was in the shower, her toothbrush in the holder, even the dish soap, which I changed because she preferred the green kind over the blue. I scrubbed harder and moved faster, but nothing worked. I kept thinking about the hurt in her eyes before she walked out, and guilt consumed me.
My apartment was cleaner than it had ever been, but it had never felt lonelier. Dax was sniffing at my feet, sensing something was wrong. I dug my phone from my pocket as I pushed to my feet and began pacing the floor, careful not to trip over Dax, who was anxious to get my attention. I hovered my finger over the screen, trying to decide who to call. If I called Avery and she didn’t answer, I knew I just may lose my fucking mind.
I dialed Quinn’s number instead. Being alone with my thoughts was never a good idea.
He answered after three rings.
“I fucked up, man.” I ran my hand over my messy hair and continued to pace.
He groaned, and I could tell I’d woken him. “What did ya do now, dumb fuck?” he asked during a drawn-out yawn.
“She left me. Avery fucking left me.”
“What?” he yelled. I could hear a female’s voice grumbling in the background.
“That Deb?”
After a scuffle, Deb’s voice was crystal clear on the other end of the line. “It better be Deb or your friend here would be two apples short of a picnic if you smell what I’m stepping in.”
I closed my eyes, keeping my voice low and even. “Please put Quinn back on the phone.”
With an exasperated sigh, there was some muffled noise before Quinn was back on the line.
“I went to the doc’s house, Quinn.”
Quinn chuckled. “You did what? Because if I heard you right, that was idiotic, brother, even for you.”
“I know,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck, pacing while I spoke. “But he’s married. His fucking wife answered the door.”
“Whoa, Josh. You need to think about this. Doc Rose’s family is none of your business. I love you, man, but you crossed the line.”
“He crossed the fucking line!” I snapped.
“Josh,” Quinn said, keeping his voice calm. “You have to trust Avery to handle it. You can’t control everything.”
“I know,” I said. My lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen, and I sat, struggling to breathe as Dax pawed at my leg.
“It’s going to be okay,” Quinn promised. “She’s mad now, but she’ll forgive you. Deb is nodding her head. She agrees with me. She loves you.”
“Yeah?” I said. I covered my face, unsure whether he was placating me or being sincere.
“Yeah, man. Get some rest. It’ll be better tomorrow.”
We hung up, and I trudged to the bedroom, falling onto the mattress fully dressed. The coils squeaked, and I groaned. Something else to remind me of Avery: her sighs when we were naked about where I was lying now. I stared at the ceiling, praying to fall asleep, and then glanced through the doorway at the hutch in the living room. I promised myself never to drink for any other purpose than entertainment, but getting just drunk enough to sleep was very fucking tempting.
I sat up and looked at the clock. Both hands were on the eleven. I looked at the hutch again and then pulled out my phone, dialing Avery’s number. It rang several times before her voicemail picked up. “Please call me back. I don’t wanna fight, I just want to … I’d like to at least apologize. You can do whatever you want with it.”
I hung up and looked at my watch for the dozenth time since she’d left. She wasn’t at work. There were very few places she could be at that time of night.