I began shaking my head. “Fuck, man, y’all are right. I’m not doing shit for Mamma. I’m not contributing. It’s all on you and Levi, and it’s fuckin’ tearing me apart.”
Axel stepped back and, placing his hands on my cheeks, forced me to look at him. “Kid, you’re the one thing Mamma talks about. You, superstar, the football, the Tide. Her fuckin’ face lights up every Saturday when she watches you on the screen. She talks about how you’re gonna be some big success, how she can’t believe you’re her son, how talented you are. Says you remind her of her when she was young.” Axel shook his head. “Nah, kid. You’re staying at that damn fancy-ass school if I have to throw you back there myself, and you’re gonna get drafted to the NFL.”
Reaching up, I removed Axel’s hands from my face and took a step back. “You can’t deal on campus, Axe,” I said tightly. “It has to stop.”
“Got to, kid. The Kings have taken half our turf. We need to expand, branch out. I know I promised I’d never bring this shit your way, but that school of yours is a damn gold mine. Too many rich dumbass kids paying top coin for watered-down coke, E’s, weed—whatever the hell they can get their spoiled hands on.”
“Axe, you could pass for my damn twin. We look exactly the same. The dean finds out about you and the drugs on his campus, he’s gonna put that shit on me. Then we can kiss the NFL dream good-bye.”
He paused as though he were thinking shit through. “I’ll keep out of your way, keep low, no blowback for you. How ’bout that? Nothing’ll come back on you, kid. Te lo guiro.”
He swears it to me. I almost told him about the dean hauling that chick into his office tonight after he split, but fear of what he’d do to her had me holding my tongue. And I couldn’t get her tiny terrified face out of my mind.
“And Levi?” I asked, defeated. I felt drained of all my fight. If I couldn’t win this, I’d just have to put up and shut up.
Axel shrugged. “He stays with me. In the crew. I’ll watch out for him.”
“Axel, you need to get him out. This shouldn’t be his life. He’s only fourteen. He hasn’t got the guts, the mindset to live this kinda life.”
“We need the cash, kid. We all have our duties in taking care of Mamma. Yours in football, Levi and me dealing. Not ideal, but if we wanna keep the pain meds coming in, we gotta make bank somehow. That shit’s expensive. Damn sure, going straight and stacking shelves at the Piggly-Wiggly ain’t gonna cut it.”
As fucked up as it all had become, Axel was right. I couldn’t see another way out for us, and, after seeing Mamma tonight, she needed all the help she could get… even if the only way of getting it for her was corrupt.
“Look. How about Lev keeps dealing until…” Axel glanced away, holding back his sadness. Coughing, he eventually he said, “Until Mamma’s not here anymore. Then I’ll get him out.”
“How you gonna do that?”
Axel smirked. “Got you out, didn’t I?”
Exhaling, I nodded my head. Yeah he did.
Axel laid a hand on my shoulder. “Thinking it’s not gonna be too long now, kid. I know me and Lev haven’t been there as much as we should’ve, but caring for Mamma is now pretty much full time. She can barely walk, eat. Fuck, she can’t even take a shit without one of us propping her up. It’s bad, kid. Real fuckin’ bad.”
From what I saw tonight, it was painfully true. “Then we’ll take shifts. I’ll make time between school and football to do my part, sit with her some, clean her, feed her, take her to appointments. Just be there.”
Axel smirked and wrapped his thick arm around my neck. “Done. And it’ll be good to see you ’round here more. As long as you don’t swing for me again,” he said and grinned. But his humor soon dropped. “And Gio. I managed to cool the fucker down, but don’t push him too far. Last thing we need is him wanting you dead. Too many stupid fuckers in the crew wanting to earn his approval. They wouldn’t think twice about doing it. Then I’d end up killing them.”
I reluctantly agreed.
Axel chuckled at my cold, silent response and scrubbed his hand over my head. “Missed my little shit of a brother tagging along behind me and the boys. It’ll be just like old times before you ditched us for fame.”
That stopped me dead. “I won’t be going anywhere near the crew, Axe. I’m never dealing again. And when the day comes that Mamma no longer needs meds,”—I couldn’t bring myself to say “dies.” I couldn’t ever bring myself to voice those words out loud—“We’re all getting the fuck out of this life. Going legit. I don’t care how we gotta make that happen, but that’s how it’s gonna go down. Capisci?”
Axel didn’t say anything in response, so we walked back to the trailer in silence. For the first time in years, all three Carillo brothers were under one roof, making sure shit got done.
Chapter Seven
Lexi
Dear Daisy,
Weight: 97lbs
Calories: 1600
I’m terrified.
I’m not eating, sleeping, and I’m losing grip on my eating plan.