“I’m definitely going to read it.”
And that I did. I read it in one sitting as I sat in the empty living room of my apartment.
The first ten chapters were about me and Jax on the dirt road, though he used different names, of course. John and Allie. They went through all the hard parts, just like we did, but unlike Jax and me, they were never torn apart. They just lived like two lovesick kids their entire lives. They traveled the world, had children, and through all of their adventures, they had no regrets.
It made for a short book, and it was kind of boring. But I cried when I finished it.
Looking in the mirror, I studied my old face and the wrinkles worn like reminders of the hardships I’d gone through. Was the book Jax’s way of living out his dream for us? Just a big what if? What if I hadn’t led the police to us? What if I hadn’t married David? What would have happened to us? Would we have ended up like Johnny and Allie?
My life was so full of regret that I didn’t know if I could go on.
14. Learning Curve
I tossed and turned the entire night and finally fell asleep at four a.m. I couldn’t get the story out of my mind. There was one chapter left. I wondered if Emerson was going to end her life. Was that why Cara thought it was so sad? Or was it because Emerson had so many regrets? Why was everyone calling it a tragedy? I wanted to know, but I was too scared to read on.
I slept for two hours and woke up to Trevor’s ringtone. “Hello,” I said groggily.
“Why didn’t you call me last night?”
“I’m sorry, I got caught up. I went to see my father and my mother.”
“And . . .”
“I’ve just had a rough couple of days, and I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“Just stay in touch, okay, Emi? Just so I know you’re all right.”
“Okay, I will.”
After I got ready and packed up, I drove seven hours to New Clayton, where Jessie and the Bonners lived, otherwise known as Sophia and the Kellers.
The house was exactly the same: a perfectly pristine yellow Victorian with white trim. Mrs. Bonner opened the door and perked up when she realized it was me. “Well, hello, Emiline! It’s been a very long time. You look well. Come in, come in!”
“Thank you, ma’am.” Some habits were hard to break. “I just wanted to stop by for a visit and see how everyone is doing. Sorry I haven’t kept in touch.”
“Don’t worry yourself,” she said as I trailed her toward the kitchen. “The door is always open for you. Even if it has been over a decade. Would you like some tea?”
“That would be great. I also came by to see about Jessie too.”
She turned to hand me a mug. “She should be home any minute. She just ran to the library.”
My face broke into a wide smile. “How’s she doing?”
“She’s excellent. Really well. She goes to college nearby.”
“I knew she would,” I said as I took a seat at the table.
“You didn’t have to stay away, Emiline. I really thought it all worked out for the best, don’t you? I’ve raised so many foster children, and it’s so rare for them to get taken in by their families.”
I nodded. “That’s not why I stayed away, Mrs. Bonner. I’ve just had a lot to figure out.”
She smiled. “Did I hear from your aunt that you got your master’s in creative writing and you’re teaching college courses now?”
“It’s true.” I didn’t know that my aunt had contact with her, or that Mrs. Bonner had cared enough to keep tabs on me. I guessed it was just me who had been shutting the world out.
“We’re proud of you.” I couldn’t tell if it was an obligatory statement.
I heard the door open and close, and then a moment later, a still-angelic Jessie came into the kitchen. “Oh my god, Emi!” She screamed. I stood and she was in my arms a moment later.
“You’re so tall! Wow, look at you.” She was at least five seven, and several inches taller than me.
We hugged for a long time. However short-lived my time there was, I had gained something so precious: a little sister.
“I haven’t been good about keeping in touch,” I told her. “But that’s gonna change.”
“Emi, oh my gosh, you have to see my book collection.” She pulled me upstairs to the bedroom that used to be mine on the third floor. One entire wall was covered in bookshelves filled with books.
“This is amazing,” I said.
“I know, right?”
She began telling me about all of her favorite stories, and she talked about the characters like they were real.
“Jessie, this is wonderful. You’re a true bookworm.”
She laughed. “I know, Mom’s always telling me that.”
I felt my throat tighten. It made me emotional to know that Jessie had gotten to that place with the Bonners. I knew I had made the right choice pleading for Jessie to stay.
“They adopted me, didn’t you know? Like, officially.” She paused and looked closely at my face. “Are you crying, Emi? Why?”