I was wearing a lavender sweater dress that his mom, Lisa, had given to me. As I walked toward him, he removed his T-shirt. I straddled him and then caressed the muscular grooves of his sides.
He put his hands on my thighs and ran them up, pushing my dress up to my waist in the process. He tugged at the waistband of my flowered panties. “I like these, but I think we should ditch them,” he said.
We laughed, making the cot shake and squeak. “This is going to take some finesse.”
He gripped my hip with one hand. “Kiss me,” he said. When I leaned over, his other hand went between my legs, teasing me from the outside of my panties. We kissed and kissed, our tongues twisting, his hand rubbing and pressing against me, making me writhe against him. Our breaths became heavy. I could feel him hard beneath me. Jase was never frantic, always smooth, even at sixteen. I didn’t know it then, how perfectly suited we were for each other, because he was all I knew. But later I would learn that no one could ever come close to replicating how Jase had made me feel.
He tugged at my sweater. “Take this off.”
Pulling it over my head, I said, “Don’t laugh.” I wasn’t wearing a bra, so I was on full display to him, sitting atop him in the bright sunlight that was shining through the small window.
His mouth fell open. He just stared and then his hands moved up to cup my breasts. “Why on earth would I laugh? You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He leaned up and kissed my breasts, one and then the other, before moving me onto my side. I wrapped my arms fully around his neck as we lay kissing. His hands were roaming everywhere, and then my panties were off and his fingers were inside of me.
We explored each other, made out, kissed, touched everything. And then when I felt like I was going to literally catch on fire, I reached down and undid the button of his jeans. “These have to go too. Fair is fair.”
He stood up, removed a condom from his pocket, and threw it on the cot. “I stole that from my mom’s drawer. Kind of weird, huh?”
I just laughed. “Gotta do what you gotta do,” I said.
“Yeah this might be a little awkward.”
“It won’t be,” I assured him. He removed his jeans and boxers and walked toward me to where I lay on the cot. It was the first time I had seen him like that and he was beautiful. His skin was perfectly smooth and his shoulders broad for a sixteen-year-old. His longish hair was tucked behind his ears and his eyes were searching mine, looking for reassurance. I reached out and touched him.
He closed his eyes and made a strangled sound. “You might not want to do that.”
“Did I hurt you?”
“No. Not hurt at all.”
He rolled the condom on and kneeled on the bed between my open legs.
“How’d you learn to do that?” I was afraid of what he was going to say.
“I saw it on TV.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, cable.” He shrugged.
Jase sat back on his heels between my legs, waiting for something. “Come back,” I said, but he remained where he was. I didn’t feel remotely exposed to him. He knew me. I just wanted him to touch me.
“Are you sure you’re ready? It might hurt,” he said.
I nodded.
“I love you, Emiline. I loved you before I even knew what it meant.”
“I love you too, Jase . . . I’ll love you forever.”
“Swear to me.”
“I swear I want this.”
He was staring right into my eyes. “Swear that you love me and trust me,” he said.
I knew the feeling like my own name. “Jase . . .” I swallowed and then tears filled my eyes. “I swear to god on your life and my own that I love you and trust you.”
And that I’ll love you forever.
That was bigger than any promise I had ever made, but I knew it was true, even at fifteen.
“Don’t cry, please.” He thumbed the tears away, smiled, and kissed the tip of my nose. “You’re absolutely positive you want it to be me?”
I sniffled and laughed at the same time. “Jason Dean Colbertson, that is a stupid question. Have you ever done this before?”
“No.”
“Are you sure you want it to be me?”
“You’re right, that was a dumb question.”
He leaned over and kissed me and then a moment later he was inside of me and we were moving together. Neither one of us really knew what to do, but we were patient, and after a little while, we figured it out and it didn’t hurt anymore.
Afterward, Jase went back into his house and got more condoms. We spent the rest of the afternoon having fun, awkward, love-filled, responsible teenage sex.