“But most of your book wasn’t about us at all. Everything that happens after that night is pure invention.”
“I didn’t say ‘about,’ I said ‘for,’ but let’s just leave it at that.” He scribbled his signature on the receipt, stood, and reached a hand out to me. “I’ll walk you home.”
“That’s not necessary.”
He took my hand and gently pulled me along. “Come on.”
We walked shoulder to shoulder the two blocks back to my apartment. I knew we were both thinking the same thing: how good and right it felt to be walking beside each other once again.
“How’s your mom?” I asked.
“Good. Clean. She lives in Philly. That’s where we moved after I turned Nick in.”
Nick was Cal Junior in the book. I hadn’t known that Jase had actually gone through with it. That explained the demolished house when I had returned to Ohio.
“Good for you, Jase. I’m happy to hear that.”
He followed me all the way up the steps and to the door. I turned around and leaned against it and stared at him for a long time. He didn’t look away. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I just knew I couldn’t let him go again.
“Jason?”
“Yeah?”
“I haven’t been able to say it yet, but I’m really proud of you. I’m really proud that the stuff that happened to us didn’t hold you back.”
“I’m proud of you too. I wish that you could see how amazing you are.”
“You think so?” I said, my face flooding with warmth.
“Yes, I do.”
In a way, that was all I could ask for.
“I’m angry, but I’m trying to get past it, Jase. I want you in my life—I know that now. But I’m still with Trevor.” I looked up at him as he inched closer.
He was staring down at me, wearing a small, tight smile. There was reverence in his expression and something else: resignation.
“Friends?” he whispered.
I nodded. “Will you be in San Diego long?”
“I’m heading home tomorrow and then leaving for a book tour the following day. Twelve cities.”
“That’s wonderful for you.”
“Is it?”
There was so much simmering between us, but not all of it was being said.
My voice dropped. “I was thinking about our day in the shed earlier.”
“What were you doing while you were thinking about it?”
“Stop,” I said playfully.
“I’m kidding. Isn’t it weird that we had nothing at the time . . . but somehow it felt like we had everything?”
“Yes.” He took both my hands in his, leaned in slowly with such grace and kissed my lips softly, sweetly, like he had done the very first time. My eyes were closed. I was trying to hang on to the moment, but his lips were gone too soon.
Cyndi swung the door open and shoved her hand out past me. “Hello, Jason, we’ve heard so much about you.”
“Hello. It’s nice to finally meet you. Cyndi, I’m guessing?” he said as he shook her hand.
“Yes, that’s me, and that’s my partner, Sharon.” Cyndi was giddy. It was weird. I looked over to Sharon on the couch, who was also smiling wide.
“I saw you in a lecture once, years ago,” Jase said.
I jerked my head back to look at him. “Where?”
Cyndi answered for him. “Oh yes, they used to broadcast some of my early lectures on an educational cable channel.”
That made sense; Jase was always watching TV or reading.
“Free college, how great is that?” he said. Cyndi and Sharon giggled. Impossibly, Jase’s earsplitting grin was charming the panties off my gay aunts.
“Well, ladies, I better get going.”
“Hold on.” I ran to a kitchen drawer and scribbled my email and phone number on a Post-it. I handed it to him. “Next time you’re in San Diego, give me a call.”
He took the paper while nodding and slipped it into his pocket. “I will. Have a good night, Em.” He kissed my cheek and was gone. I felt like we were fifteen again as I watched him jog down the stairs.
I heard Sharon say, “He called her ‘Em.’ How sweet is that?”
From behind me, Cyndi said, “We’re not saying anything, but I’m pretty sure you know how we feel.”
I walked aimlessly around the living room with my head down as they watched me process what had just happened.
“You want to talk, sweetie?” Sharon asked.
“No, I think I’ll go to bed.” I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
In my bed, I thought back to that day in the shed, to what had really happened.
Jase came home from school, tired and weary-eyed but smiling. I was waiting for him all day in the shed, picking at my bowl of Cheerios. When he came in I was sitting at the table, staring out the small window.
“How was your day, honey?”
He fell onto the cot like dead weight. “Longest school day ever. I couldn’t wait to get back to you.”
“How’d you do on the history exam?”
“Aced it.”
“Of course you did.”
He kicked off his shoes. “Come lie down with me.”