“What do you mean? She’s the last person who wants to see you in trouble,” I said.
He was trying to catch his breath. “Not my mom. Your social worker came here looking for you this morning. My mom didn’t tell her anything at first because she didn’t know. Then Junior came to the house wondering why I hadn’t shown up in the morning. He was pissed, and when my mom started defending me, he told her that I had taken his truck to get you.”
My heart was pounding. Shit, shit, shit. “So how the hell does Paula know I’m here?”
Jax straightened and looked away. “She called Paula because she said she didn’t want you dragging me down and getting me into trouble.”
I winced. It was painful to hear Jackson say those words because part of me knew it was true. I was confused, but I knew this much: I was standing on a precipice. I could jump off with Jax, but was it fair to take him down when he had so much going for him?
“Paula reported the whole thing to the police?” I asked.
He nodded.
“Those were police officers chasing us?”
“Yes,” he said.
I nodded and walked toward him. “We have to go back.” I was surprised to hear that my voice was strong. Resolute.
“No, Em. I can’t live without you. We can’t go back.”
“Jackson, I want to be with you so badly, but we can’t stay this way. I want to see the world with you, but how can we? Like this? Running? Or trapped in Neeble? If we stay here, we’ll just be digging this hole deeper and deeper. We deserve better.”
“But it won’t get better. I’ll still be stuck here on this road with Leila. Can’t we leave together? I know we can do it, Em . . . You and me . . . we can do anything. We just have to get out of here.”
The flashlights were coming toward us again, and we could hear a man calling our names in the distance. “I’m sorry,” I said, leaning up to peck him on the lips. But it wasn’t true. I wasn’t sorry. I knew what I had to do. “We’re here!” I yelled as I stepped away from Jax. “We’re right here!”
“No,” he whispered. “Please, Em, don’t do this to me.”
He tried to run, but I held him as hard as I could. “Please let me go,” he cried. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because it’s what’s best for us,” I told him, but I knew he wouldn’t understand.
“You’re killing me, Em. Please let me go.”
He finally escaped my grip but was standing face-to-face with two police officers, one holding a nightstick in the air. “Don’t move, son. Turn around slowly and put your arms behind your back.”
“You’re handcuffing me?”
“You’re under arrest for kidnapping and fleeing law enforcement.”
The second officer grabbed me and pulled my arm in the other direction. I looked at Jackson and saw the desperation in his eyes.
“I love you,” I called out as the second officer led me away, but Jax didn’t respond. I was overwhelmed with guilt and sadness, but I couldn’t continue dragging him down. Because I did love him. I loved him too much to ruin his life.
When we got to the house, I saw that Paula was waiting for me, and that my things had already been removed from the shed and piled up in the backseat of her car. I could hardly look at Paula, but when I finally did, I didn’t see anger and judgment in her face. Instead, I saw sympathy.
I couldn’t breathe, let alone speak, but on the way to the airport, Paula said one thing that stayed with me. “You did the right thing. For him, and for yourself.”
I stared out the window and wondered if he would ever forgive me . . . if he would ever understand.
9. This Is Us
Throwing the book down on the floor of the living room, I let out a frustrated, painful sigh.
Cara was watching me from the other couch, her eyes as wide as sand dollars. “What? What is it?”
“It’s not true. That’s not how it happened.” I stood up and paced, frantically twirling my hair into a tight knot.
Cara remained silent, watching me as I tried to untangle the mess in my head. Jase had written my life story from my perspective, and up until now, it had been mostly accurate, with a little bit of fictional flair. But he had taken some serious liberties with this last chapter.
Because Jase was the one who’d actually turned us in.
I turned on my heel to face Cara, wild with anger. “Do you think all this critical attention is deserved? I mean, this isn’t some great literary novel. It’s just a straightforward book about two kids. It doesn’t make sense that it would be a bestseller.”
Cara shrugged, her eyes sympathetic. “Is this what’s really bothering you, Emi?”