“What is it, Jackson? Are you seeing someone at school or something?”
“No. I don’t have time for that. I don’t have a fucking life, Emerson, okay? Just stop fucking nagging me about this. I have no control over anything. I can’t just take my mom’s car when she has to work, and Junior’s a freak. I’m not asking to borrow his truck.”
“Jesus! Okay. I’m sorry.” My voice broke, and tears fell from my eyes. “I just miss you.”
“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I will fucking die, Emerson. Please just enjoy your three square meals a day and your warm bed. The only thing that’s keeping me going is knowing that you’re living in peace, finally.”
But I wasn’t. I would have taken the whiskey monster, the violent rages, and the empty refrigerator just to be able to spend time with Jax. I couldn’t be selfish, though; I had to let him think there was hope so he could believe it for himself too.
“Thank you. You’re the best person I know, Jackson Fisher.”
He laughed again, a sarcastic huff that made my stomach flip in a bad way. “Okay, Em, I gotta go.”
We hung up without saying good night. I put the phone back in the kitchen and cried myself to sleep.
What felt like five minutes later, I opened my puffy eyes to find Sophia leaning over my bed. “What’s wrong with your face?”
“Nothing.”
“Were you crying last night?” she asked. She had a look of sympathy in her eyes. “Did Jackson break up with you?”
“No, I just miss him.”
“You’ll see each other again soon.”
I rolled out of bed and patted the top of her blonde mop. “Little optimist, aren’t you?”
She smiled back at me. “It’s called faith, Emmy.”
LATER, AS I was walking out of fifth period toward my last class, I turned the corner and my eyes immediately shot to a stunning figure leaning against a tree just off the path.
“Jax!” I screamed. I ran toward him, jumped into his arms, and straddled his waist. His lips were on mine in a second. He held me to his chest as he kissed me deeply before burying his face in my neck. He sighed, a deep rumbling sound from his chest that gave me goose bumps. I shivered, but my skin was burning like I had a fever. His nose was cold against my cheek.
“Fuck, I missed you. You smell so fucking good.”
He set me down. We took each other in. I could have sworn he had gotten taller. “What are you doing here?”
“Junior let me borrow his truck. I parked it on the road. There’s a fence up there we can climb to get out of here so you don’t have to walk out the front gate.”
“Okay. But, shit, they’ll mark me absent in sixth period. I want to go with you so badly, but I don’t want the Kellers to find out . . .”
He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the ground, defeated. “I don’t want to get you in trouble, Em. I just needed to see you.”
Jackson could slay my heart with just a look. “I’m coming with you. I don’t care what happens.”
He gave me a huge smile and grabbed my hand. “C’mon.”
He helped me over the short fence and before long we were coasting down the road in the cab of Cal Junior’s cigarette-stale, beat-up Chevy.
“Where should we go?” He glanced over at me, but I couldn’t speak. I was in awe of him, driving along like he had done it all his life, with confidence and grace. “What is it, Em?”
“Nothing. You just seem so grown-up . . . different.”
“It’s still me.”
“I know, I know. I just . . . I don’t know. God . . . I don’t know what to say.”
He laughed. “I might be able to do this, like, once a week. Then it won’t feel so strange.”
“Really?” Those words changed everything. Now I had something to look forward to besides chores and homework.
“Yeah, maybe. How about here?” He pointed straight ahead to a parking lot wrapped around New Clayton’s fishing pond.
“Perfect.” It was a warm day and less humid than usual for late spring. We found a spot on a picnic bench and sat side by side, facing the water. I studied Jackson’s jean-clad legs, spread with confidence. He put his hand on my thigh and rubbed it up and down like it was so natural for us to touch each other that way.
“You didn’t go to school today, I take it. It takes at least an hour to get here.”
“I planned to. On the way into town this morning, I told Junior you were crying last night, and, well . . . he said I could take his truck to come see you.” He fixed his gaze on the road behind me.
“That was nice of him.”
He huffed. “Yeah, I guess.”
I touched my hand to his cheek. “Look at me.”
He turned, his eyes full of pain and longing. I leaned in and we kissed each other slowly. I didn’t know what Jax was going through, but everything slipped away when we were together. He was far away but close enough to touch.