“Yes. We learned it in sex ed.”
“Okay, well, you and Jax better keep your paws off each other.” The way she said that made me nauseous.
“We’re just friends.”
“You were friends ’cause you were just kids.” She glanced over at me. “You’re not kids anymore.”
Time to change the subject.
“Are you sad that Jax and Brian’s dad left?”
She popped her gum. “It’s been long enough. I don’t think about it anymore. Anyway, Brian and Jax don’t have the same dad. You didn’t know that?”
“No, how would I?”
“Jax never told you? Well, Brian’s dad passed away when Brian was two. Car accident.” She looked off into the distance. “He was a good man. Brian’s just like him.” She seemed choked up.
“Is Jax like his dad?”
“Jackson’s dad left, the fucking coward.” She turned and glanced at me, still chomping on her gum. “Sorry, sweetie, that was harsh. Let’s hope Jax is nothing like his dad. Some men can be real assholes when they want to be. It’d be wise of you to learn that now. I do think Brian is going to make a woman very happy someday.”
I was already getting stars in my eyes over Brian—what twelve-year-old girl wouldn’t? When I’d see him drive up in his old car, I’d run outside and sit on the fence. He’d always walk past me, carrying his guitar, and say, “Hey, cutie.” I was way too shy around him to respond. But I also felt sad for how Leila dismissed Jackson’s sweetness just because his father had left. My mother had left too. Did that make me just like her?
When we got to the end of the road, I noticed Susan’s car was parked in front of our house.
“That your dad’s girlfriend?”
“Yeah.” It was dark and no lights were on.
“I’m not working tonight. Come over. I’ll teach you how to use tampons for when you’re older.”
I hesitated. “I don’t want Jax to . . .”
“Oh, don’t worry. He won’t pay attention—he’s glued to the TV.”
I was nervous. In the two years that Jax and I had been friends, I’d never once been invited into his house. We either played outside or hung out in the shed. As I walked in behind Leila, I realized that Jax’s house was almost an exact replica of my own, except everything was on the opposite side, as if the houses were mirror images. It was dark, and only the light from the TV in the living room lit our path. The brown, outdated carpet was worn thin, and the whole house smelled of stale cigarettes and something else I couldn’t figure out.
All this time, I’d had this idea of Jax’s house as some pristine image from a Martha Stewart magazine. Now I could see that, despite the warm casseroles his mom made, his life wasn’t all that different from mine.
We walked through the living room, where Jax was watching TV on the couch with his back to us. As we passed, he turned and looked up at me. He shot me a sympathetic smile and then turned back to the TV.
Inside Leila’s messy bedroom, I sat at the end of her unmade bed. I picked up a small article of clothing that looked like a leather tube top and stared at it.
“It’s a skirt,” Leila said.
“This?” I held it up.
“For my work. I’ve been dancing. Didn’t Jax tell you?”
“No.” He was probably ashamed. I knew what she meant by “dancing,” but I wasn’t about to say anything.
She walked over to me and placed her hands on my thighs. She leaned in. “I take my clothes off for money because I got knocked up with Brian when I was sixteen. Ever since then, my life has been a shit show.”
I jerked back. “I’m sorry.”
“I take my clothes off for money, Emerson. How sad is that?” She stared into my eyes as she continued to work the same piece of gum she’d been chewing the whole night.
“Um . . . sad, I guess . . . but at least people want to see you naked?” I was always trying to be the silver-lining girl. In the months before my mom left, I’d trained myself to find a positive angle to every situation. I thought if I could be the happy-go-lucky girl, it would rub off on them. No such luck.
Leila wasn’t looking for acceptance, anyway. She was trying to teach me a lesson.
She stood up and crossed her arms. “Men will pay to see anything naked.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“It’s true.”
“Well, at least you stuck around. At least you’re here with Brian and Jax.” Leila didn’t deserve accolades for good parenting, but at least she hadn’t abandoned her kids.
Tears slipped from her eyes. I felt my own throat tighten at the thought of my mother living on some beach somewhere in paradise. Leila sat next to me on the bed without making a sound, but I knew she was crying.
“I could never leave these boys. They’re so precious to me.”
“You’re a good mom, even if you have to wear shit like this.” I held up the leather skirt.