A few minutes pass and they seem to last both an eternity and a millisecond, when he says, “I’ll be seeing you around, Sofie. Real soon. Remember to tell Jack what I said.”
Tears blur his retreating back before he disappears altogether around a corner. The trembling intensifies until I collapse into a pile of unrelenting convulsions and dry heaves. Apart from the single tear he stole, I don’t cry, though it’s not for my body’s lack of trying. I’m almost certain he stole all my tears the night he took everything else away from me.
An hour later, I pull up to the school having finally regained some measure of self-control. I jam my sunglasses back on my face in spite of the weather turning overcast. Rafe and Donnie don’t need to see my bloodshot eyes and red, puffy cheeks. My fingers grip the steering wheel a little too tight and I can’t quite get my stomach to settle, but I put on a happy face for my brothers, even if it pulls around the edges.
They dive into the car, bringing with them the scent of sweat and feet—must be a teenage boy thing—still dressed in their basketball uniforms and sweating profusely from practice.
“Don’t get on my side,” Rafe growls, buckling in. “I’m sick of you getting in my space dude. You do it on the court, you do it at home.” He heaves a frustrated breath. “God, I can’t wait to get out of here.”
Donnie wilts a little, and I notice he takes extra care not to cross the center of the backseat. He stares out the window to cover his hurt, his eyes bright.
“Hey, guys,” I say with false cheerfulness.
They both grunt, neither looking up. Sighing, I give up, waiting for my turn to pull out of the car pool and onto the main street that will feed out onto the highway. My phone vibrates, and I check it absently, a text from Livvie managing to pull a genuine smile to my lips.
Livvie: Did I tell you Hank got the neighbors’ Jack Russell Terrier pregnant? They just called to let us know the last puppy is available for adoption if we want it. I’m having the hardest time convincing Ben and Cole we don’t need the last one. Save me!!!!!!
I peer at my sullen brothers in the backseat and make an impulsive decision. Ten minutes later, I pull up to Livvie’s house.
“What are we doing here?” Rafe asks. “I’m hungry and I want to go home.”
“You’ll see,” I respond, unbuckling and swinging out of the front seat. I think I need this as much as they do.
Hank, the proud father, a smush-faced Boston Terrier whose whiter in the face now than black, struts up to us and winds around my legs. I squat down to scratch behind his ears. “Hey, handsome.”
Livvie appears on the porch. “Thank God, you’re here,” she says, holding a squirming mass of fur in her arms. “They were about to riot.”
“What’s that?” Donnie asks, coming to stand beside me.
I turn to him, glancing at Rafe, who is now at full attention, and say, “We’re picking up our puppy.”
The boys’ attention snaps to me and for a moment they’re absolutely stunned silent. By this time Livvie’s reached the bottom step and placed the exuberant puppy on the ground. It bounds toward us at full speed and by the time it reaches us, Rafe and Donny are bending down and loving on it with excited sounds that remind me more of kids than two surly teenagers. Cole squeals and bounds down the stairs to join them, the three of them sporting matching smiles.
As I watch them, I soak in the scene and try to forget about everything else.
Present
I KEEP MOST of my tools and a hell of a lot of materials from Dad’s various remodels throughout the years in Ben and Livvie’s shed. Mostly because there’s no-fucking-where to store them at the gym and no point in keeping them now that I’ve set the ball in motion for reenlistment. There’ll be a bit of a waiting period while I finalize things with the gym and get paperwork and class dates settled with the Corps, then I’ll be outta here.
But until then, I have promises to keep. And I’ll damn well keep them if it’s the last thing I do, even if it’s just to make a point. Or shove my indifference in her face.
Part of me wants to see her face when I drive up. See if it shocks her that my balls are big enough to confront her after her confession. Part of me wants to see if there’ll be a chink in her armor now, something, anything that will let me see through this act she’s got going on.
But most of me just wants to punish her for it. And that’s the part of me that scares me the most.
“What are you doing out here so early?” Livvie calls from the porch, clutching an oversized coffee cup between two palms.
It’s barely dawn. The sky hasn’t even lightened with the rising sun yet. She flicks on the porch light, flooding the lawn with its yellow glow.
I shoulder the planks of wood and wipe the beads of sweat clouding my vision with my free hand. “Got some work to do on Sofie’s house.”
A smile curls behind the lip of the coffee cup. “Is that so?”