I turn my face away, but he pulls my chin back with a firm hand and makes me watch as he slides one hand underneath my waistband. His eyes are glued to the sight, so he doesn’t notice when I squeeze my eyes shut, but that only seems to make it worse, intensifying the light, easy, arousing brush of his fingers against me.
My chest heaves as my body betrays me, moving toward his touch instead of away. The grip on my face turns bruising as his breathing grows heavy. “You like that?” he whispers, his fingers growing more insistent. “I know you like it. Show me how much and I’ll let you go.”
I shake my head, but he’s so intent upon his actions he doesn’t seem to notice. I go somewhere else in my mind, anywhere else, as his attentions ignite a fire low in my stomach. I stop fighting, and lie there, a mindless, base creature, enjoying the touch of a monster.
When it’s over, there’s nothing left in me.
No more tears.
No more pleas.
I’m hollow, scraped raw.
Above me, he groans and bile leaps to my throat. He rolls off, breathing heavily and throws an arm over his head. “I knew you liked it,” he says after an eternity. “No one would believe that you didn’t want that just as much as I did.”
His words float away as the darkness finally, thankfully consumes me.
For days I try to call Sofie, but they all go to voicemail. The day before I’m due to fly back to South Carolina, I manage to corner her mom in their front yard.
“Mrs. Varano, I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. I’m worried about her.” Begging leaves a nasty taste in the back of my throat, but I don’t know what else to do.
Mrs. Varano pushes the screen door open. “You can try talking to her, but she’s been so very sick these past few days. She probably didn’t want you to catch whatever bug she’s got.”
“Yes, ma’am. I won’t stay long. I just have to make sure she’s okay. You and I both know she’s not the easiest sick person to be around.” I try to make my voice light, but the joke falls flat.
Sofie’s mom nudges me forward. “She’s in her room. You go on back.”
The yellow hallway light flickers as I make my way to her room. I knock, but there’s no answer, so I push the door open, my heart racing. Sofie looks up from the suitcase she’s packing, her tear-streaked face red and puffy. Her baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants nearly swallow her.
Her hand goes to her throat and her already pale face drains of color. “J-Jack, what are you doing here?”
I frown, my brows pulling together. I look back in the hallway like I’m going to find the answers there, then look back at her. “What do you mean what am I doing here? What are you doing?”
She glances down at the clothes in her hands and the suitcase in front of her knees. She places the handful of shirts inside and zips it shut. “I’m—a…nothing. I’m just packing.”
“Sure doesn’t look like nothing.” I step inside her room and close the door. “What’s going on? You said you were sick and then you didn’t answer any of my texts. I’ve been fucking worried about you, Sof.”
She jerks back as I get closer and I frown. “I’m fine. I’m sorry, I should have texted you back,” she says.
I wave that away. I want to go to her, but there’s a knot growing in my stomach that keeps me from taking another step farther into her room. Forcing my voice to remain calm, I say, “I don’t care about that, I just want to know that you’re okay.”
She lifts a shoulder and the sweater falls off baring angry red marks. “Of course I am,” she says, tugging the sweater back up her arm, her thin smile wobbling.
“Then what the hell are you doing? And what the hell happened to your shoulder.”
She sets back on her heels, gets to her feet, and tucks her trembling hands behind her back “It’s nothing. Just a scratch from moving things around. I’m fine, I promise.”
“Then why do you look like you’re about to blow chunks or run away screaming? I’m not mad. I mean I was, but I’m not really mad, baby. I was just worried.”
Pressing her lips together, she sighs, then says, “I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
My stomach clenches. “Tell me what, Sof?” My voice is rougher than I intend it to be and she shrinks back a little. I force my tone to gentle. “Tell me what?”
“I’m leaving,” she says to her feet.
The gas chamber at boot would have been easier to take. “The hell do you mean you’re leaving?”
She squares her shoulders and finally manages to meet my eyes. The emptiness in hers causes the knot in my stomach to triple. “I mean I’m going and I’m not coming back.”
My hands ball into fists by my sides. “Where are you going?”
Now that she’s confessed her secret, the words start coming more quickly. Except now I wish I hadn’t convinced her to talk. “I’m going to test out of the rest of my classes here for this semester. I’ve got enough credits to graduate early. I’ve already spoken to the counselor at Tulane and accepted their offer. I start in the fall.”
Those hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “That’s good, though, isn’t it? That’s what you wanted.” I scrub a hand through my hair. “You’re acting like this is a bad thing, Sof, and you’re really fucking starting to freak me out.”