He wants to see if my head is still screwed on straight. If my self-imposed isolation has taken its toll yet. The funny thing is, I don’t mind it. Because the alternative—a life without meaningful purpose, living day to day with disgrace still hanging over me—is not one I ever want to live. I can’t tell Bentley that my life is a dream because that would be a lie, but I can say that I’m still grateful that he’s given it to me. “Thank you for continuing to trust me.”
“It’s not hard. You’ve proven yourself over and over again.” He pauses. “Do you plan on seeing your parents while you’re here?”
My parents. I still think about them on occasion, and I get the odd update from Bentley, because I asked him to keep an eye on them for me. They still live in the same small bungalow that I grew up in. I’m sure my father still flies the same American flag over the porch, a symbol of the country and his own illustrious career in the navy, although his had such a different outcome from his son’s. “No. Not likely.”
Bentley frowns. I guess that’s not the answer he wanted. “Every time I reach out to you, you’re in a different place.” He puffs on his cigar. “Have you thought of settling in one location, finding yourself a woman to give you some stability?”
“So I can lie to her every day?”
“She doesn’t need to know every detail. There is plenty that Tuuli is happy not to know about.”
I flick the last of the papers into the hearth. “I find women when I need them.”
“I’m not talking about whores. I’m talking about making a real life for yourself, with a wife. Maybe even some kids.”
“You itching for grandkids?” It was a running joke while we served together, that Bentley spoke and treated me more like a son than my own father did. In a way, he’s filled that role after my father all but abandoned it.
“I’m serious, Sebastian.” And his voice says as much.
A wife and kids. I stopped picturing myself with a wife seven years ago, when my fiancée, Sharon, stood me up at the altar. Turns out it was a smart move on her part, because we never would have lasted. I’m not husband material, not anymore, anyway. And kids?
I’ve never felt the urge to procreate, and after all the violence that I’ve seen and committed, I’m even less inclined to bring an innocent child into this world and its problems.
“If the right woman turns up, maybe I will.” I don’t even try to sound convincing.
Bentley sighs and I sense that he’s given up on that conversation. “Just move fast on this assignment. That tape is out there somewhere, and it needs to be found now. Today. Yesterday, in fact. If it comes to it, keep it quiet and clean. But make it fast.” His deep frown tells me this video is worrying him. Royce must have accused these other guys of using some highly unpleasant interrogation methods. Things that are divulged by a Medal of Honor recipient will hold sway in the court of public opinion, even if they’re not true. The media will release it and the American people will grab pitchforks and light flames.
And burn everything Bentley has worked so hard to accomplish.
I nod, hearing the directive loud and clear, checking the safety on the gun before tucking it into my boot. “I’ll call you as soon as I know something.”
FIVE
IVY
I glare at the last rusted bolt, my face damp with sweat, the socket wrench dangling from my aching hand. Black Rabbit has been open for thirty years and this leather chair has seen every last sinful day of it, stationed in the center of the worn wood floor like some sort of monument. I bugged Ned endlessly to replace it with a more modern design, but he refused.
Now I know why.
Because it is stuck to the fucking floor and is never going to move.
Ian left this morning, on a plane for Dublin via New York City, leaving me with some cash for a painter and the freedom to do whatever I want with this place. He’s already lost almost a week’s worth of business with the Fine Needle being closed and, while he’s not driven by money, he needs to pay his bills. Plus he has also missed a week of the political science doctoral program he just started.
I understand why he left and I made sure to offer him a wave when the cab pulled out of the driveway, even though inside my head I was screaming at him to stay.