Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)

 

 

I believed Kirk. I knew he was on a mission to make something special for us. As much as I trusted him, I had no faith in life not to shit all over our future.

 

The day Kirk left for Ellsberg, I did nothing except cry, sleep, and eat. The next day, I considered leaving the apartment but decided against it.

 

Before leaving, Kirk bought me a used car so I could get around town. He stashed a ton of cash in hidey-holes in the apartment. If he didn’t come back, I’d be set for a good chunk of time. He’d thought of everything including having someone check on me every few days. I was safe even with him hundreds of miles away.

 

Despite all his efforts, I wasn’t happy except when he called. We talked about nothing most days. He couldn’t share what he was doing in Ellsberg. My days were spent in the apartment, watching TV and reading books I bought at the grocery store. Even with nothing to say, he called every night and helped me relax.

 

“You’re my woman, and you’re carrying my boy. When you get to feeling like shit, you just remember those two facts, Jodi.”

 

By the second week, I only left the apartment to grocery shop. I didn’t want to see anyone. When I was in the apartment, I could hold one of Kirk’s shirts and inhale his scent. I could daydream about us together in a magical place called Ellsberg.

 

A month passed. Kirk visited twice in the beginning, but then he couldn’t get away. I swore to myself that I trusted him, yet I felt my panic growing each day.

 

The one saving grace was my boy’s hard kicks. The baby was healthy. After the ultrasound, the doctor gave me a black and white picture that I studied constantly.

 

“You were right,” I told Kirk on the phone the night I found out we were having a boy. “I’m sure you’re used to hearing that.”

 

Kirk laughed, sounding closer than he had in weeks. “Have you been thinking about names?”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t have any I like. I guess I was hoping we’d have a Tiara despite your assurances.”

 

“You keep going through that baby name book and pick out the best five. When I get home, we’ll haggle over the choices.”

 

“You’re coming home soon,” I said, sounding ready to cry.

 

“Autumn is fucking gorgeous here, Jodi. You’re going to love it. I’ve been driving around and looking for a place for us to live. Soon, you’ll be driving around with me.”

 

I believed his words, but I was lonely. The baby’s kicks weren’t enough to console me when I was left with an empty apartment day in and out.

 

The school year began without me. I didn’t miss it. Not when I had books to read at the apartment.

 

During my only trip out of the house for the week, I stood at the books and magazines racks at the grocery store. I thought I heard someone say my name, but I ignored it. Sometimes people from the trailer park or school would recognize me. They’d want to make chit chat, but I wasn’t interested. I only wanted to talk to Kirk, and he felt a million miles away.

 

“Jodi,” my mother said, suddenly beside me.

 

Wearing too much eye shadow and sporting frizzy, blonde hair, Robin looked just like I remembered. She always tried too hard to be young and sexy. In reality, she was her prettiest when she first woke up with a clean face.

 

I didn’t tell her that. I didn’t say anything. I only nodded an acknowledgment while she stood in front of me.

 

“Didn’t take you long to get knocked up,” she said.

 

The hormones made me prone to take everything personally, so her nastiness hit me hard. Only my temper kept me from crying.

 

“You might want to lay off all the slutty clothes now that you’re going to be a grandma,” I said.

 

“I don’t see a ring on your finger. Has he ditched you yet?”

 

“Would you care if he did?”

 

Robin twirled her over processed hair. “I don’t want you trying to move back into my place with your bastard.”

 

“You don’t need to worry about that, Grandma. If my man leaves me like every man leaves you, I’ll raise my son without your help.”

 

“Stuck-up bitch.”

 

“Used-up hag.”

 

Robin snapped her fingers in my face like some crazed whore from The Jerry Springer Show. “I’ll try not to laugh when you show up on my doorstep after the pervert gets bored of your jailbait pussy.”

 

I opened my mouth to unleash a million insults but stopped myself. What was the point of trashing her when she did such a great job of trashing herself? I needed to be smarter. Robin would argue until the end of time. That kind of thinking led her to a miserable end. Instead, I chose to walk away and finish shopping.

 

Robin wouldn’t understand about Kirk and me. Most people couldn’t because from the outside he looked too old, and I looked too young. In their minds, we couldn’t work long term, but I knew better. Call it blind faith, but I believed in Kirk and me and the long life we had waiting for us.

 

 

 

 

 

17 - Kirk