Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)
By: Bijou Hunter
I blamed Jodi too. At seventeen, she was too young for me, but she was too old to believe in fairytales. She looked at me as her savior. She believed love healed all wounds. That together we could defeat every obstacle. These were the fantasies of a hurt child in the dark, not the beliefs of a strong woman.
Pissed at us, I stayed awake long after Jodi dozed off next to me. I clearly saw my past and future. Fuck Jodi and fuck me and fuck life for putting us in the position to think we mattered.
Our hopes didn’t mean anything more than the dreams of the people at the Princess Farms Trailer Park. The men in my club had no chance of having something beautiful. To think I was better than them was a fucking loser move.
With Jodi, my common sense left me. So I left her.
Sneaking out just after dawn, I didn’t leave a note before riding off on my Harley.
I rode for hours. The sun warmed the day before shifting lowering in the sky that evening. I stopped to eat once, maybe twice. Nothing felt real anymore. I had to keep driving until I found the path back to a world, and a Kirk, that made sense.
Long after the sun disappeared, I raced through a foggy night on a lonely road deep in Georgia. Only when the cold and fog grew too overwhelming did I stop to sleep. The motel looked as beat-up as I felt.
I didn’t check my beeper to see if anyone contacted me. Before climbing into bed, I didn’t even take off my shoes. I collapsed face down on the bed, closed my eyes, and let the world fall away.
In the morning, I planned to return to Chesterfield and Jodi. I’d make things right by ending what I should never have started.
That night, though, I let myself dream the way Jodi often did. Love and destiny were all that mattered. Despite the beautiful lies, I knew in the morning I would give up the only beautiful thing I’d ever known.
13 - Jodi
Kirk left before I woke and he didn’t return for two days. I skipped out on school so I could stay at the apartment and wait for him. Classes didn’t matter. Nothing did until I saw Kirk again.
At first, I thought he needed time to think. When he didn’t return that evening, I worried he was hurt. Had he tried taking out his frustrations in a fight and lost? Was he in the hospital? Jail? The morgue? The last thought left me in a panic, unable to do more than sit on the couch and stare at the door.
Kirk left like a whisper, but he returned like a tornado. Tearing into the apartment, he stopped for only a second when he found me sitting on the couch where I’d been for over a day.
“New plan, kid. You’re moving out. I’m moving on.”
His words didn’t register. I was so shocked to see him. Relieved yet in disbelief, I struggled to understand what was happening. After a minute, I accepted he was alive and well. I still didn’t understand what he was saying.
“What?”
“Get packing.”
“I don’t understand. Where have you been?”
“None of your fucking business. Get your shit. I’m taking you back to your place.”
I stood up and looked around, still stunned by his sudden reappearance. I’d convinced myself he was in danger. Where had he been all this time? Did he shack up with some whore while I sat around worrying about him?
“Where were you?” I asked again.
“I want you out of the apartment.”
“No.”
“Not a request. I’m leaving,” he said, reaching for the doorknob. “When I get back, I want you out of here.”
Seeing him ready to walk out again, I ran to Kirk and slapped him across the face. I hadn’t planned to hit him, but my hand had a mind of its own. Kirk lifted his hand as a reflex, and I braced for his retaliation. Once his dark eyes registered who attacked him, he lowered his hand.
His expression made me even angrier. “So you’ll break my heart, but you won’t fight me. Do you think that makes you a good guy?”
“I know exactly what I am, Jodi. I’ve been fucking trying to tell you I’m shit since we met. I don’t have a white horse, and I can’t save you. All your fairytale lies don’t change that I stole something from you that should have been saved for a better man.”
“Stole?” I laughed bitterly. “Fuck you and your well-meaning bullshit. You didn’t have the balls to steal anything from me. I had to throw it at you. Slap you upside the head with it. Everything I gave you was forced on you. From the moment we met, I called all the damn shots because you were too scared. You might be older, but I’m smarter. I gave us what we needed. Now you’re gonna throw it all away.”
“You think you love me, don’t you? Well, darling, that ain’t smart.”
“I know I love you. I feel it in my bones,” I said, struggling to make sense of my tears. “You treat me like a child, but I know what I fucking know. You’re scared. Love comes with responsibilities, and you’ve been hiding from them your whole life. It’s why you don’t run the club or have a woman. It’s why you’d throw me away when you love me too.”