She pursed her lips. “Kava. It’s good for anxiety and depression. Just in case you’re experiencing one of those things.”
I took a cautious sip. The tea tasted better than it smelled. “Cardamom, cinnamon … ” I took another sip. “Maybe some licorice.”
“Charlie.” Manda tilted her head, her eyes large and penetrating. “Tell me how you are.”
I shrugged. My fingers drew warmth from the ceramic in my hands. “I’m all right. Getting my head back on straight, I guess.” My whole body felt tired. “It’s taking some time.”
“Have you talked with anyone at the restaurant?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I still grant phone interviews to keep Margot and Vic happy, but mostly, I’m out of the picture.” I took a long pull of my tea and shuddered when it scalded my tongue. “Tova and Avery have been hitting the media circuit, which turns out to be better for everyone.”
“I saw them talking with Kelly Ripa yesterday.” Manda couldn’t help looking guilty. “Sorry. They did great. Avery did a cooking spot, and Tova had everyone eating out of her hand with her self-deprecating comments and perky boobs.”
I searched my heart of hearts but could not summon even a spark of jealousy. “I’m happy for them. They’re getting exactly what they wanted.”
Manda adjusted the blanket to cover her legs, too. “And what do you want, Char?”
I stared out the wall of windows that soared just beyond where we were sitting. After all my months in Seattle, the vista from my couch still took my breath away. I inhaled slowly, then exhaled in a rush. Pulling my gaze away from the mountains, the Sound, the clouds that seemed to be floating just beyond my fingertips, I looked at my best friend.
“I’m moving back to New York.”
She swallowed, and I could see her trying to control her reaction. “Why?” She fingered the fringe on the blanket. “I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that question, but I think it would be good for me to hear you say it. Closure. You know? Like an open casket.”
My eyebrows arched. “Nice comparison. I’m moving to Manhattan, not to the morgue. Though some have made comparisons.”
Manda pressed on. “But why are you moving back? You finally have the top spot in the pastry kitchen at Thrill. Can’t you just go to work and not be a part of the second season? Or take a sabbatical whenever they’re shooting?”
I smiled. “Sounds reasonable. But I’m afraid it’s totally impractical. Margot and Vic would never go for it, not to mention how Avery would feel about it.” I shook my head. “I can’t go back there.”
We were quiet for a moment until Manda spoke again, likely knowing the answer before she’d even finished her question. “What about working somewhere else? We have lots of restaurants in this city, you know.”
“I know.” I smoothed my wet hair with one hand, avoiding her gaze. “I think it would be better to make a clean break. New York is a great place to become anonymous again.”
Manda nodded, and I could see it pained her.
I cleared my throat and tried for a cheery tone. “But listen. I have great news. Alain called from L’Ombre, and he offered me Felix’s job.”
Some of the gloom lifted from Manda’s eyes. “Seriously? That’s fantastic, Char. So Alain finally made good on his promise, eh?”
I threw the blanket off my legs, suddenly feeling too warm. “Can you believe it? Felix actually retired and they’re holding the position open for me.” I walked to the window and cranked a handle off to one side. “Look at this,” I said as the window creaked. “I found this a few days ago when I burned a batch of madeleines and the exhaust fan wasn’t keeping up. This window opens.” I looked back at Manda, victorious.
She frowned. “Charlie, that is the smallest crack of fresh air I have ever seen. It’s pathetic.”
I frowned. “Well, at least it’s something.” I leaned into the crack and took a deep, long sniff. “Pretty soon I’ll be back in the city where my only choices will be recycled indoor air pollution or outside air pollution. I’ll be yearning for a breathful of this.”
Manda came to stand next to me and tugged me into a hug. We stood, arms around each other, friends through school dramas, birthed babies, heartbreak, lost jobs, lost loves, gained weight, lost weight, and many, many years of days all piled up into a big ball of affection and friendship and fidelity.
“Are you sad you moved out here in the first place?” Manda’s voice sounded small.
I kept my cheek on her shoulder. “Not at all,” I said. “I’ve loved living close to you, even if we never saw each other as much as we wanted.”
She sighed but kept me in her grasp for a while longer. Just when I thought she had no more to say, she reminded me of the man who, for better or worse, had come to represent Seattle to me. “I liked you two together.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to tease out a platitude or a wise, accepting response. It was no use.
“I did, too,” I said.
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