“I can’t wait to see this. He’s always an entertainer, Dean. Always on. He’s got great charisma and the fans love him.”
“Well it looks like we’re getting close to kick off so let’s go down to Becky and see if we can’t get him to show us what he’s got to fuel his Sugar Rush today. Becky?”
“Oh shit,” I mutter, my stomach turning.
“What’s wrong?”
“I made what he’s about to eat.”
Rona’s eyes go big. “You did? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I forgot to. I gave it to him last night. I made him promise not to open the bag until he was ready to eat them at the stadium.”
“What is it?”
“Candies,” I answer weakly. “Chocolate candies.”
“Then what are you so worried about?”
“Colt, we’re dying to know,” Becky, a white-toothed blond is saying.
Colt is standing tall over her, his cheeks smeared with black, his body huge inside his pads. He smiles at her and the camera. It’s the model smile. The one he always gives to the lens. To the masses.
“What do you have with you today?” Becky asks.
He lifts the bag so the camera can see. The Mad Batter logo is brightly displayed in green and purple writing on the white paper.
“Holy shit!” Rona squeals excitedly. “Lilly, this is amazing. Do you know how many people are watching this?!”
I frown. “That’s what I’m worried about.”
“Why?”
“You’ll see.”
“I don’t know what it is,” Colt answers with a charming, helpless shrug. “I asked the beautiful women down at Mad Batter to surprise me. They made me promise not to open it until game time.”
“Well, we’re almost there. Can we get a sneak peek? If they’re as good as you say I might have to steal a piece.”
“You don’t want to do that,” I whisper.
Colt nods agreeably. “Sure, let’s crack it open.”
I raise the pillow slowly to my mouth. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck.”
Colt opens the bag, thrusting his hand inside. He gets ahold of a handful of candies and pulls them out. They’re hidden in his palm. The camera angles to get a look at them but he holds them back slightly, his face unreadable.
His smile is slow. It comes on him by degrees, starting at his eyes and trickling down to his mouth, to his chest until it rumbles like thunder that bursts out of him in a boisterous laugh. This is not his model smile. This is the smile I’ve come to love, the one that gets inside me and grows on my lips as well, even now as I’m dreading what’s about to happen.
“We’re dying to know,” Becky reminds him. “What are they?”
He chuckles, picking one out of his palm. He holds it up for the camera to zoom in on. The dark of the chocolate is reluctant to come into focus but when it finally does, its shape is undeniable.
It’s a dick.
The shape suddenly blurs into a pixelated mess thanks to the beauty of modern television. Colt pops it in his mouth, along with the handful of white, milk, and dark chocolate dicks that he pulled out of the bag. He chews them happily, smiling at the camera.
“Thanks, Lilly!”
Rona lifts the remote, pausing the feed on Colt’s happy, dick eating face. She turns to me slowly.
“He wanted something from the bakery to eat on national television and you chose to send him penises?” she asks slowly, softly.
“I didn’t know he’d eat them on live TV!” I protest defensively. “I figured with his Snickers endorsement he wouldn’t be able to endorse anything else.”
“Like cocks? Chocolate cocks? From our bakery?”
“I thought—“
“No, no. Not done,” she interrupts calmly. “Where did you get the molds for those? I know I’m not in the kitchen as often as you, but I’m pretty sure we don’t have cock molds laying around.”
I hide behind my pillow again. “I ordered them off Amazon.”
“Of course you did.”
“Free shipping.”
Rona sighs, tossing the remote to me. “How fucking frugal of you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
COLT
November 23rd
Mad Batter Bakery
Los Angeles, CA