“I’m more afraid of him breaking me, to be honest.”
“Don’t be afraid to get hurt. It’s far better than never experiencing anything earth-shattering. Even temporary joy is better than nothing at all. You’re afraid of getting hurt like I’m afraid to die. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to live every day to its fullest.”
I placed my hand over hers. “Thank you for that advice.”
Graham walked in at that exact moment. “Uh oh. I smell trouble stirring up.”
Lil’s face once again lit up when he entered the room. “While I wish you hadn’t come all the way down here, I’m really happy to have met Soraya. I hope I didn’t ruin your evening.”
“Nah. We were just…eating pasta.” He glanced over at me briefly, and we gave each other a knowing look.
“What did the doctor say about me?” Lil asked.
“He thinks you need hip surgery. They’re gonna keep you here for a couple of days then move you to a rehab center. I’m gonna work with Cambria to make sure they put you in a top-of-the-line facility.”
“I don’t want you getting stressed out over me.”
“You could have hit your head. You don’t even remember how it happened. Of course, I’m gonna worry. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse, Meme.”
“Me, too,” I said.
We sat with Lil for another hour before driving back to the city. Graham put on classical music and stayed completely quiet during the ride. When we finally entered Manhattan, I was the first to speak.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah…I’m fine. It’s just…”
“What?”
“It just hit me more than ever tonight that she’s the only family I have. My mother was an only child. My grandmother is literally…it. When she passes, I won’t have anyone left. It’s just kind of a sobering thought.”
“You’ll have a family of your own someday.”
He caught me off guard with a question I didn’t see coming. “Do you want kids, Soraya?”
I could only give him the honest answer. “I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure?”
“I can’t say that I’m one-hundred percent sure. I’m hoping I will be sure by the time I have to make a decision.”
“Are the doubts you’re having because of the situation with your father?”
“Partly. I haven’t really analyzed it too much, though. I just don’t feel absolutely certain that motherhood is in the cards for me.”
He looked pensive upon my reply. Maybe that wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but I didn’t want to lie to him. It was how I’d always felt.
Looking over at him, I asked, “Are you taking me home?”
“I wasn’t planning to.” A look of disappointment washed over his face. “Why…do you want to go home?”
“I just thought maybe with everything that happened with Lil—”
“You thought I’d want to be alone? No. I don’t want to be alone, Soraya. I’m tired of being alone. I want you in my fucking bed tonight. We don’t have to do anything. I…just want to hold you while I fall asleep. That’s what I want if that’s okay with you.”
Even though it scared me, I wanted nothing more.
“Okay. Yeah.”
Graham never had a chance to cook his pasta dish. Since it was late, we stopped for takeout Szechuan and brought it upstairs to his condo. We passed the paper containers back and forth to each other as we sat with our legs crossed on his living room floor watching General Hospital.
“I could get used to this,” he said, slurping a noodle into his mouth. An uncharacteristically boyish charm shone through his face in that moment.
My heart clenched. Tonight was the first time that it really hit me that things were getting serious between us. As much as his question about whether I wanted children had rattled me earlier, I realized there was no going back. I needed to see where the tide took us. As Lil said, it would be better to get hurt than to never know.
After we cleaned up, Graham quietly led me into his bedroom. I watched as he pulled his sweater over his head. Admiring the tattoo that Tig had inked onto Graham’s side, I licked my lips, wanting desperately to taste his skin.
He walked to the bathroom and returned with black pajama pants on then tossed a blue t-shirt at me.
“I want you to sleep in my shirt.”
He watched intently as I unbuttoned my blouse. His mouth looked like it was watering, and his eyes were glued to my chest as I threw the t-shirt over my head.
I got into his massive bed, my body immediately sinking into the plush, memory foam mattress. This bed was fit for a king—or a Morgan.
He got behind me and enveloped my body in his arms. His breathing slowed, and I realized he was falling asleep, calm as a baby. I soon followed suit.
***
IT WAS 4AM WHEN SOMETHING woke me up. Graham was turned to me with his eyes open.
“I love watching you sleep.”
My voice was groggy. “If I knew you were watching me, I wouldn’t have been able to.”
He chuckled. “What woke you up?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was just my intuition.”
“You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you wanted to peek under the blanket.”