I frowned. Twice in two days? “Did he say what he wanted?”
“No. He seemed insistent upon talking with you though.” Her teacup clinked against the saucer. “Has the dirty dog called you?”
Dirty dog. That was something I’d never heard her say.
“Yep. I sent him straight to voicemail.”
“Good. Although I do want you to find out what he wants so he stops bothering me.”
I wouldn’t have said one visit was a bother, but then again, this was my mom. “Sure.”
She looked up, piercing me with her gaze.
“I’ll just go call him right now...” I plucked my phone from my purse and walked into the front room. I took a deep breath before I unlocked my phone.
Lord, the woman sucked all the oxygen out of the room, didn’t she? Or maybe she just sucked my oxygen out. It was no secret she was trying to kill me.
At least it felt that way.
I tapped in the passcode for my phone and frowned. One new message from West.
West: Can you talk?
I hit Reply.
Me: No. My mother is making me call my ex-boyfriend.
I waited for a moment for his response, but when it didn’t come, I opened my contacts, scrolled down to DoucheNozzle, and hit Call. I wasn’t surprised in the slightest that Darren answered immediately.
“Hey. I thought you weren’t going to call me back.”
“I wasn’t going to,” I confirmed. “Then you bugged my mom and she bugged me. Don’t think I’m calling because I want to be.”
He was silent for a few seconds. “Mia, I just want to talk to you.”
“I can honestly say this feeling isn’t mutual.”
“Can you listen for five minutes? We need to at least be civil for the wedding next weekend.”
“You should have thought about that before you parked your car in some other chick’s garage, shouldn’t you?” I snorted. “We don’t have to be anything, Darren. You have to escort me down the aisle, take a few photos with me, and then that’s it. We don’t have to speak at all.”
“Be reasonable, babe.”
“Call me babe once more and I’m gonna march over to your house and file off your balls.”
“Be reasonable.”
“I forgot how to the moment I walked into your house and found you screwing another woman over your kitchen table.”
More silence. “That was an accident. A mistake.”
“Penises don’t slip and fall into other people’s vaginas, Darren. Especially when there are usually clothes covering said penises and vaginas. Unless they happened to fall off too.”
“Yes, well.” He coughed. “I miss you.”
“Good. I’d miss me too. I’m freakin’ awesome.” Nothing like blowing your own horn. Toot toot, motherfucker.
“You...don’t miss me?”
“Am I supposed to?”
“Well, no. Guess not. I fucked up,” he said quietly.
“Yup.”
“I just thought you’d be ready to talk. I was kind of hoping to work things out.”
“Nope.” I smacked my lips together.
Was he drunk? I hoped he was drunk. He better have been drunk.
“We’re supposed to be going to the wedding together, Mia.”
“No, we’re not. Allie added two plus-ones the day we broke up.”
“Why did she do that?”
I grinned. “I asked her to.”
“Oh. And you’re taking someone?”
Truth? Lie? Truth? Lie?
Ah, fuck it. I’d open my mouth and see what came out.
“Yep. I have a date.” That wasn’t what I had been hoping for, but it was an answer all the same.
“Right. Never mind, then.” He hung up.
I stared down at my phone. Well, that had been a little awkward. But was that really it? Did he really—the sneaky little fucker.
He had to have known we’d had our plus-ones added. He was the freakin’ best man. Of course he had. He’d just been feeling me out like the dirty little snake he was.
Ugh.
Now, I had to find someone to go with me.
The handsome face of a certain stripper flashed in my mind. I swayed on the spot. Man, that would be sweet. I could imagine it—I knew Darren. He’d have the hottest girl he could find as his date, and I’d show up with West...
No.
No, Mia.
That’s not a good idea. Not even close to a good idea.
Especially since my phone was telling me he’d texted me back.
West: No problem. Can you talk later?
Me: Around eight. I’m at my mom’s then having dinner with friends. Is something wrong?
West: No. I’m just imagining you naked.
Me: Umm. I wasn’t expecting that.
West: So I’m also really fucking hard and wondering what my chances of phone sex are.
I stared at my screen. Was it inappropriate to ask for a dick pic in this situation? I mean...he’d started it.
Me: I kind of want to ask you for a dick pic.
That had been brave. I felt...well, more empowered than I did when I logged onto Facebook and had delightful messages from strange men accompanied by pics of their peckers, that was for sure.
“Mia? Are you done?”
I turned to look at Mom. “Yeah, sorry.”