“Get to the season-ten details, you overrated stalker!” Sam yelled on behalf of everyone in the fandom.
“I don’t mean to be Frank and Beans, but I was by far the best moderator at the panel,” Kylie went on. “They paired me up with ol’ Prostate McGee from The Hollywood Reporter and Jennifer Whogivesafuck from Entertainment Weekly. She had the audacity to call out Cash Carter on his recent benders in Hollywood. I know we’ve all been concerned about it—I personally hosted a candlelight vigil on the matter in my last video—but there are certain things you just don’t bring up at WizCon! Anyway, shit got reeeaaaal uncomfortable. Luckily, Has-Beener-Zimmer put out the flames. Now let’s get to what we learned about season ten.…”
“Finally!” Joey said.
“The cast confirmed the show will stay on air as long as we watch it, so we can all just chill the fuck out about that—I’m talking to you, WizzerJane97,” Kylie said. “However, Professor Luckunckle will be absent for three episodes in the fall because Tobey Ramous is committed to Moth-Man reshoots—apparently Warner Brothers already knows the movie will need them. Also, if you don’t like the storyline on Kepler-186, that’s too damn bad. The Reptoids are sticking around until the middle of season ten.”
“The Reptoids are back? No cocking way!” Davi said, and wrapped his arms around his head.
“That’s the season-finale twist I was telling you about,” Sam said.
“Don’t talk about the season finale!” Huda begged. “The Wizzers in Turkey haven’t sent it to me yet!”
“Has-Beener-Zimmer also said there will be three surprise guest stars in season ten,” Kylie said. “He wouldn’t say who, but gave these hints: one has an Oscar, one has a Grammy, and one has a sex tape. He also promised the fans he would not write another role for himself or force another Who’s the Parent? reunion down our throats. Episode 907 was just as painful for him as it was for us—I’m paraphrasing of course. Well, that’s all the info I’ve got for you today, Wizzer sluts. Tune in tomorrow for my recap of the Wiz Kids ‘Post Production Panel.’ And if you haven’t subscribed to my channel yet—kill yourself. Peace!”
Kylie’s video concluded with another thirty seconds of her obnoxious, self-performed theme song, but thankfully Topher clicked his iPad off before it finished. All the people on his computer were quiet and motionless as they processed the information Kylie had revealed. Once it was absorbed, they erupted in contagious spurts of exhilaration, like cheap fireworks setting each other off.
“That was awesome!” Joey said. “I wonder how they’re going to write Professor Luckunckle off for three episodes.”
“Or who the surprise guest stars are going to be,” Sam said.
“I can’t believe we have to wait eighty-one days until the next season!” Mo said. “That’s practically a pregnancy!”
“Girl, please,” Huda said. “That’s a wink compared to how long I have to wait. I’ll be lucky if I’m caught up with season nine by then.”
“But Reptoids?” Davi asked, still stuck on the topic. “Are they dusting my balls? I hate the Reptoids!”
Topher was just as eager about the things his friends were pointing out, but they were overlooking the best news to come out of WizCon 2017.
“I’m just happy they confirmed the show is sticking around,” Topher said. “We were kind of counting on it.”
With graduation in their rearview mirrors, Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo would be splitting up soon to attend different colleges in the fall. Topher was staying in Downers Grove for community college, Joey was going to Oklahoma Baptist University for performing arts, Sam was headed to the Rhode Island School of Design to study interior design, and Mo would be attending Stanford to major in economics.
Regardless of their new locations, they were still very committed to their Wednesday night Wiz Kids ritual; they’d just be doing it over the Internet. Now with the certainty that Wiz Kids would continue throughout their college years, the pending good-bye was a lot easier to swallow. And since their time together was limited, Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo had big plans to make the most of it.
“Are you guys excited for your road trip?” Huda asked. “You’re leaving tomorrow, right?”
“You guys didn’t tell me you were going on a road trip!” Davi said.
“We didn’t want to brag, but it’s going to be a lot of fun,” Joey said. “Our parents helped us pay for it as graduation gifts.”
“Speak for yourself,” Sam corrected him. “I had to get a summer job to pay for my quarter of the costs.”
“Topher’s planned out the whole thing!” Mo added. “His mom is even letting us borrow her station wagon.”
“Where are you guys going? How long will you be gone for? Tell me everything!” Davi said.