We lay like that, my body covering hers until the two of us could move.
I couldn’t stop thinking about our encounter even after she left for the night. I watched her walk back over to her house with a hitch in her step, and a surge of pride filled my chest. She turned back to me and smiled, her small hand coming up to wave at me, innocently.
Like I hadn’t just reduced her to a shaking, panting mess.
I stood on my porch, allowing the wind to cool down my skin. I could still feel her touch against my body and her fingernails digging into my muscles. I opened my eyes and drew in a deep breath, smiling as her scent still lingered underneath my nose.
But a car striking up its engine caught my attention. It was parked a block up the road.
The relaxed part of me didn’t want to think anything of it, but the rest of me went on high alert. I watched as the car pulled away from the curb and then whipped a U-turn in the middle of the road. I stood there and waited until the car disappeared around the corner before I stepped back into my house.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being watched.
It was hard for me to focus the next day. The danger I had put Cindy in was obvious now. Giving myself over to someone like that and opening up the way I had was something I hadn’t expected. But what I hated was the regret and guilt I felt for indulging in another woman’s body and the anger I felt for placing her in a dangerous scenario.
What if that car had been someone watching us? What if they hadn’t come for me before because I had nothing they could leverage against me? What if they were waiting for me to slip up the way I had with Cindy the night before?
I wasn’t sure how to handle any of this. Cindy and I hadn’t spoken since our encounter yesterday. I saw her come and go with Lily to school, but neither of us had taken the initiative to talk to the other. And even though I was telling myself to back away and keep moving so I could protect this woman, I couldn't shake her from me. I couldn't shake the phantom feeling of her lips against mine, and I got the sneaking suspicion she felt the same way.
My entire workday was filled with split fingers and shitty little accidents. That was what happened when a mechanic got distracted. I got through my shift and was ready to get home so I could take a shower and try to rid my mind of Cindy and the way her body instinctively caved to me.
I walked into my house, and immediately, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I reached into the kitchen drawer and pulled out my gun, something in the air around me feeling off. I walked through the house, holding the gun in my greasy hands as I cased every corner and cleared every room.
“Hello?” I asked. “Anyone here?”
I saw a shadow move, and I went charging down the hallway. I burst into my room and held the gun in front of my body. I looked around the room, clearing the corners, and then raced to my closet and threw the door open.
But there was nothing.
No one was there.
I sighed and closed my eyes as I settled my gun at my side. I was being paranoid. That was all this was. My protective instincts were heightened because of Cindy, and I was reading into things and seeing things that weren’t there. I had given myself over to someone and now I would drive myself crazy because of it.
Tossing my gun onto my bed, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I needed to call Daniel. I needed a distraction, something to bring me back from the flashback I was obviously having. I raked my hand through my hair, leaving greasy trails on my forehead as I sat on a chair in the corner.
It was a relief to hear my friend’s voice.
“What’s crackalackin’, homeboy? I had my phone in my hand about to call you.”
“Are you high?” I asked.
“Possibly. What’s up? You sound like you just passed a kidney stone,” Daniel said.
“I gotta talk to someone.”
“If you’re admitting that, it must be serious. What did you do now? Are you having to move again? Did you blow someone up?”
“I slept with Cindy.”
The silence on his end of the line told me I’d really taken him by surprise.
“No shit! Good for you, Graham. Seriously. Was she any good?”
“You know I don’t talk like that,” I said.
“Couldn’t hurt to try.”
“I told her about Cary. And Kason. Over a fucking lunch date.”
“Which version did you tell them?” he asked.
“The version I was fed in the hospital.”
“Probably for the best. But Graham, you’re opening up to someone. You’re making a friend.”
“This is a little more than a friend, Daniel.”
“Yes, but if I categorize it as anything more, you’ll flip out on me or some shit. Trust me, this is a good thing. You’re loosening up a bit, moving on more and more each day. Cary would want that for you. You know that, right?” he asked softly.
“Don’t say that. Don’t throw that card,” I said.
“Then what do you want me to say?”
“We haven’t talked since the encounter.”
“That what we’re gonna call it? The encounter? Okay, when was it?” he asked.
“Yesterday afternoon.”
“I’ve waited four days before talking to a woman after I’ve screwed her. If it’s that weird, though, take her out to dinner. Push through the awkwardness. Be a man about it,” he said.
“What if she doesn’t wanna go to dinner?” I asked.
“Be honest with her, Graham. In the end, that’s all women really want. Tell her why you feel the way you do. She’ll be more willing to open up to you, and that honest communication will obliterate this weirdness you think is happening.”
“You know I’ve never been good at opening up to people.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s like pulling teeth from an angry tiger. But you can do this. However, I’m about to ruin the moment. You ready?” he asked.
“What?” I asked, feeling every muscle in my body tense up again.
“Those guys you got tangled up with on your last mission? You know, the ones who made you? They’re searching for you.”
I felt the blood in my veins turn to ice as my back straightened out.
“Could you not have led with that?” I asked.
“I heard the distress in your voice and figured you need to talk. But I’ve been keeping an eye on things with some contacts I kept after I left, and I’m concerned about some moves they’re making.”
“What moves?” I asked.
“One of their cars was registered on a camera thirty minutes outside of Bend.”
I thought back to the car lurking on the side of the road yesterday after I watched Cindy walk home.
“What else do you know?” I asked.
“I know they’re pissed. You quit not long after that mission was aborted. And you know these guys. They don’t mess around. They don’t leave loose ends.”
“The mob never does,” I said.
“And I know if they’re that close to Bend, it’s only a matter of time—”
“Before the CIA is, too. Shit. Is that damn case still open?”
“It never closed. They pulled you from it and debriefed you but didn’t shut it.”
“Fuck me. How stupid are these guys?”
“Very. But I wanted to let you know so you can be ready for whatever’s coming your way.”
“Is that why you asked me if I’d blown someone up earlier? You weren’t joking, were you?”
“Not really. But that’s beside the point. Has anything strange been happening? Have you noticed anything out of place?”
“Nothing that can’t be explained with other reasons, but you know how I am. Always vigilant. Can you keep tapping into your resources to figure out what the fuck’s going on?”
“Already happening,” he said. “When I know more, I’ll call you. In the meantime, keep a low profile and don’t let this deter you from Cindy. It could be nothing. The mob has dealings all up and down the West Coast.”
“Yeah, yeah. Call me once you hear something. And I mean that.”