Tears sprang to my eyes as I held my position. Every time I thought about her, my heart ached. She was the reason I wanted to study psychology in the first place. I wanted to try and understand my mother better. Her battle with depression raged for most of my life, and I watched her bounce from medication to medication without any luck. Psychiatrists would try to load her up on different concoctions without so much as hearing her story first, and it spiraled her into darkness I struggled with all through high school.
I came home after my last day as a senior in high school and found that she had taken her own life.
No child should ever have to see their mother like that. No person should ever have to go through seeing a loved one in that position. I sank to my back, holding back the tears as I closed my eyes.
My psychology degree was all about trying to understand her, to try and unpack her mind to figure out how a mother could leave their child behind that way. Together with the addiction that had taken my father away from me as well, I had a wealth of personal experience to put to good use.
It led me to the passion I now had burning in my gut.
A ding on my computer interrupted my thoughts. I pulled myself from the floor and wiped at my face, hoping no one walked by to see my reddened eyes. I navigated to my email and clicked on the letter, hoping it was the updated assignment my professor had sent us an alert about that morning. Instead, I saw I had a new P.A. offer.
I clicked on the email and read over the details. The moment I saw what was required of me, I hovered my mouse over the ‘decline’ button. The whole point of me taking this job was because it worked with my school schedule. I could work in my little cubby and remotely from my apartment on the weekends, and I could help people while still doing my schoolwork. I could flip between someone’s schedule and my school assignment without ever skipping a beat.
But this assignment would definitely require hands-on work.
This assignment required real-world work. Constant face-to-face interaction. I sat down in my chair as I read over the details, my mind swirling with all the things that would be required of me: updates to a manager named Hank, time management of this guy’s schedule, keeping tabs on his drinking?
Who the hell was this guy?
I came across the name ‘Drake Blackthorn’ and did a quick Google search. The sheer amount of information that popped up on him was startling. He was a real rock star, by all sorts of definitions. What stood out most to me were his deep blue eyes. This man was incredibly attractive.
A country music singer with a penchant for drinking on stage, for one. I flipped back to the email and read through the personal message sent by someone named ‘Hank,’ outlining his plea for someone who could help him ‘whip Drake back into shape.’
I wasn’t a fucking personal trainer. I was a personal assistant whose specialty was helping people manage their time and their mindsets. What in the world did they think I could do?
Flipping through article after article on this guy, I did my homework. According to the tabloids, he struggled with a severe drinking problem. Every picture I found of him either had him on stage with a six-pack of beer or had him in a bar throwing back something that looked like whiskey. Possibly bourbon.
But the man did enjoy his beer.
I clicked through to YouTube and started listening to snippets of his songs. A couple of them I recognized in passing, but country music wasn’t really my thing. It was nice, and I enjoyed the culture and the relaxed atmosphere that came with the country lifestyle, but I grew up on different music. I grew up with my mother listening to jazz and the blues. Men who could wail on pianos and saxophones, and women who could pick a bass as good as any man. Those were the types of tunes I enjoyed. That was the kind of music that got me swaying in a crowd.
Not twangy banjos and chewed-up words.
I continued to play his songs on YouTube and actually liked what I heard. They felt raw and real.
I clicked back over to the tabloid articles as his voice filled my little cubicle, causing people to turn their heads and look at me as I scanned through his interviews.
One of the interviewers brought up the tragic deaths of his late wife and daughter four years ago, to a drunk driver. How awful. I thought about how that could have changed him. Something like that could break a man.
So why the hell was he living the life of a play boy? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was a piece of work, a rowdy womanizer that wasn’t ashamed of it at all. He sugar-coated it nicely, but it was there. But as I looked deeper I saw there was something different about him. The sly grin on his face was indicative of a mask. His smile never reached his eyes.
Maybe he was still broken from his past.
One thing I knew for sure, he was miserable, and I could see it within the first few seconds of one of his most recent interviews.
If my goal was to help those struggling with substance abuse, then this was the perfect job for me. It was a hands-on assignment I could probably even pitch to the department for class credit, which would alleviate some of the stress I would encounter. Less time spent in class meant more time helping this guy, and then I could use the reference when trying to find jobs and sell myself as a counselor. Having the reference of someone like Drake Blackthorn could really catapult me into the field of study I wanted to work in, and I bit my lip as I weighed the pros and cons.
I found my mouse slowly moving from ‘decline’ to ‘accept,’ and squaring my shoulders, I clicked the button.
With this being my final semester of classes, it would be my busiest. Papers were going to be due, and final exams would be harder than ever. I was going to have to keep my nose to the books while I worked with this man. But if things went well with the department like I hoped they would, this could start me down a road toward success for myself.
Only seconds later, a barrage of emails began, which was normal when accepting a new job. Correspondence between my boss and this ‘Hank’ guy came up. Articles I needed to read on this guy were sent to me. Personal information, where to find him, and all of his contact information came in password-protected files. I opened up and printed everything out at my desk as I gathered everything into a folder. All of the preliminary stuff was in my hands for all the research I needed to do in order to be prepared for this job.
I wrote the day and time of my interview with Hank on the folder, then put it aside. I still wasn’t done with my stretches, and I wanted to work a few more in before my phone alarm went off signaling me to get back to work. I still had a long day ahead of me. I had schoolwork to complete as well as research to delve into. If I wanted to prove that I could help this man with his issues, then I needed to make sure I brought everything to the table. It wasn’t going to be enough to show off my studies and rattle off a few random facts from class. I was going to need to show this Hank guy that I was good at this.
My nonchalance to his celebrity status should also play in my favor.
If I could nail this interview, then I stood a real chance of helping this man.
There was always a trigger for why people delved into substance abuse, yes. But there was also always a personal reason for why they stayed in it. The first step to being able to help someone with a substance problem was getting them to admit they had one in the first place. No one could help those who couldn’t admit they needed it. If I could get Drake Blackthorn to admit he had an issue, it was easy to get him help. Fifty percent of the work of getting sober was admitting there was an issue in the first place, and I could tell by the look in his eyes in those interviews that he knew he had an issue.