“I just need to feel something, Jack,” she says, her hands balled up on my chest. “After the hell I've been through, all the confusion and not knowing who I am or who you are, I just – I just want to feel good. To not hurt anymore. To feel good, even if for only a few minutes. I just want to have my mind taken off of the shitshow that is my life right now.”
I lick my lips, tasting her upon them. My body is telling me to go for it, to have my way with her. But, would it be right? She doesn't remember what I've done to her. Doesn't remember anything about me. To sleep with her right now will be taking advantage of her situation – and I'm not cool with that. I'm not that kind of a man. I have morals and although my body might be fighting like hell to go for it, my mind is telling me to keep it in my pants. That doing anything with and to her right now would be wrong on so many levels.
She continues, “Please, Jack. Maybe if we – you know -- maybe it would help me remember? Or at the very least let me forget everything for a bit.”
She's begging me. Literally begging me and I feel my resolve weakening. The large brick wall of morality I hold myself to is being chipped away and torn down, piece by piece, as I look into her eyes and let my gaze wander up and down her body, recalling how she used to feel underneath me all those years ago.
My body aches with a raw, animalistic need that runs thick through my blood. My heart races and my head is swimming with images of her naked, and memories of how she feels and tastes. God, I want to throw her down on the bed and take her, to feel her from the inside. I want to, but I refuse to give in to my base wants and desires. She deserves more than that.
“You're a good man, Jack,” she says, her voice sounding defeated. Her gaze falls, and her smile falls right along with it. “I may not remember our past, but the man you are now – I can see that you're good. Honorable. Kind. I'm sorry I tried to come on to you – ”
Before she finishes, I pull her to me and kiss her again, this time lifting her off her feet and holding her in my arms. Carefully, I carry her over to the bed and lay her down upon the thick, heavy down comforter. This is everything I've wanted for so long. Everything I've fantasized and dreamed about, and I need to make sure it's right. I can't rush it.
Sydney is shaking, her hands fumbling with my belt as we make out on my bed. As she removes my belt and tosses it to the floor, I pull back and look her in the eye again.
“Are you sure, Sydney?” I ask, my voice barely more than a whisper.
“Yes,” she groans, her body arching to meet mine. “Yes, please, Jack. Just make me feel good.”
I'm not about to deny the woman her request. I move lower, kissing her neck as I try to remove her pants. Finding no zipper or anything, I move down between her legs.
Damn jeggings, I think. They slide off like leggings though, and once I know what I'm doing, they come off easily. Sydney helps me along the way, sliding them down over the curve of her hips. It's only a matter of moments before I'm tossing them across the room. Next, I lift her sweater enough to dot kisses along her belly. Then to her thighs. Her back arches and her hands reach for me.
“Yes, yes,” she groans.
She's trim and neat, just a small tuft of light brown hair around her opening. I gently spread her thighs open and press my mouth into her, savoring the sweet, musky scent of her pussy. I flick my tongue and get a taste of her, making her body shudder beneath me. Turning my gaze up to see her, our eyes lock. She stares down at me and I stare up at her from between her legs, and the look in her eyes tells me all I need to know.
She wants this. She needs this.
With a renewed vigor, I dive between her lips, sucking and licking her sweet spots. Sydney moans and cries out, her body lifting up toward me. I slide a finger inside of her and find that she's deliciously wet and warm. My balls ache from the pressure building up inside of them, but I focus on her.
It's about making her feel good. Not me. My needs can wait a little while longer.
I continue licking and finger fucking her, as she writhes beneath me on the bed. Her hands latch onto my head and pull me into her, the muscles in her thighs clenching around me. Her breathing grows ragged, as do the sounds coming from her throat. She's crying out for me.
She's screaming my name. “Jack!” over and over again, which only serves to inflame the passions already burning bright within me. I keep licking and sucking, plunging my fingers into her tight, wet little hole over and over again. Her body is trembling and when her voice is coming out in ragged, stuttering gasps.
Then I hear the words I'm dying to hear, “I'm coming. Oh God, Jack, I'm--”
Her voice cuts off and is a mix between a groan and a scream. I continue moving my fingers deep inside of her, exploring her body with my mouth and hands as her pussy clenches around my fingers and tongue. Her body quivers for me as she comes, and I'm in heaven.
Sydney let's out a long, shuddering breath and her entire body relaxes. It's like she's suddenly a dead weight on the bed. Her eyes are closed, and I'm staring up at her, seeing a look of pure bliss on her beautiful face. When her eyes open, she looks down at me and smiles. I can't help but smile back at her, feeling her juices running down my face.
“Come here,” she whispers, motioning for me to climb on top of her.
I rise up, but instead, curl up beside her. She looks confused for a moment, but I pull her into me and kiss her forehead. There's a chill in the air, the fire needs to be built, so I wrap the blanket around her and make sure she's warm.
“Your turn,” she murmurs, though her voice is heavy with exhaustion.
“Later,” I tell her.
I know there may never be a later in all reality. I may have missed my only opportunity to be with the woman I love again. But, this isn't the way I want it. I want her to know who I am when we make love. I want her to be with me because she's forgiven me of all of my sins – not just the ones she knows about. Until then, I don't deserve to have her. I won't taint the beautiful thing that exists between us with lies and deception.
Until I can work up the nerve to ask for her forgiveness for everything that happened in the past, I won't sully what I feel for her or our lovemaking.
Maybe I'm an idiot and am overthinking the whole thing. Who knows? I'm a hopeless romantic, sure, but only for her. I've never been one to care about other women. I could fuck them and leave them, no questions asked. Sydney is different though. She's always been different.
When we make love, I want her to not only know who I am, I want her to want me. The real me. The one who fucked up royally as a kid and who's paid his dues over the years.
There's no fight in her right now. Her breathing is steady and heavy, her body relaxed into mine. She's already sleep. Hell, I don't blame her after everything she's been through.
I stay with her for a long time, just stroking her hair and looking at her beautiful face, our bodies together and warm. I glance at the alarm clock and curse to myself. I have a woodworking job lined up for today. It's only some cabinets in a nearby house and probably wouldn't take all that long, but there's no way I'm leaving Sydney.
I guess that's one of the benefits of working for myself and being able to retire at my age. I climb from the bed and pull my phone from my back pocket, then quietly leave the room, dialing the number only after I'm back on the main level. My erection is showing no sign of going away anytime soon and it's getting more painful with each passing moment.
“Down boy,” I say, which makes Gunner to look up at me from his spot in front of the fireplace.
“Not you, my – ” I cut myself off as the client picks up the phone.
“Hello Mr. Williams,” I say. “It's Jack Bronson. I'm sorry to say that I'll have to reschedule our appointment today, something has come up.”
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