She blinked down at her lap. So I kept going.
“I quit music, I left everything behind because it hurt too much, and I blamed you for it all, I blamed you, because I think, had I actually taken the blame, it would have sent me insane. So I took the easy way out and made it your fault when I shared more than an equal amount of blame. I said I would fight for you… but the minute you started spiraling, I resented you instead. I was so devastated that you were choosing something over me, the great Will Sutherland that I couldn’t handle it. My pride took a hit, every time you took a hit.” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “The most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my existence was walking away when all you wanted me to do was choose you, fight for you. Instead, I chose myself. And I don’t want your forgiveness for it. I can’t even bring myself to ask for something so out of reach, but I do want you to know. I’ll regret losing you for as long as I have breath.”
I let out a huge exhale as the last of my poorly erected walls crashed to the ground, and finally felt the cool breeze sweep through the windows, swirl around me with such a sense of calm that I had trouble focusing on anything but how the hell I’d been so stupid to think that the road I’d traveled had been her fault, when I was the one who took it.
I put the car in drive and drove to the beach house.
When Ang still didn’t say anything. I got out of the car with purposeful steps toward the spare room closet, grabbed the door to her room, and put it up.
Some walls are for personal safety.
Some are needed in order to keep us safe from others.
But if we’re honest.
Most are to keep us safe from ourselves.
Me: I think I messed up.
Zane didn’t answer right away.
I tucked my phone back in my front jeans pocket and reached for my beer. The sun was starting to set. Ang hadn’t left her room since we got home.
She took one look at the door, gaped at me, then slowly walked inside and shut me out.
Shut whatever had taken place between us down.
My heart cracked a bit.
But what did I expect? For her to jump up and down and say these are the words I’ve been waiting for! “Yes, take me now!”
I groaned and took another sip, then put my legs up on the balcony as the wind picked up around me.
I was still shirtless.
Still in leather, though I had no idea why. Maybe the idea of taking off these clothes meant that it was over.
The kiss.
The confessions.
The day.
The doors to the balcony opened.
I almost fell out of my chair when Ang walked out to the balcony attached to her bedroom. We were miles away from each other, not really but it felt like it, both balconies were side by side, but I was just off the kitchen, so we were at least a good five-foot jump from one another, with a nasty little fall in between.
She didn’t look at me. Instead, she leaned over the balcony like she was measuring something, then grinned.
I knew that grin.
Used to crave it.
It also meant a really bad choice was soon to follow.
Which she proved right when she started stripping down to her bra and nearly there panties, and that was when she chose to look at me and lift her chin in a challenging stare. “I dare you.”
My heart raced in my chest, pounded so hard against my ribcage that it hurt to suck in air. “What?”
“You used to dare me all the time, stupid dares, dares that could have gotten us in jail.”
“That was one hotel room,” I argued. “And we paid for damages.”
“It was a lot of shaving cream.”
“Worth it,” I said hoarsely.
“Totally.” She grinned.
Her body shivered and then she looked over the ledge again. “All right, Will, I know you’re in there.”
“Huh?” I stood and lazily walked over, “I’m right here.”
“Shh, I’m having a conversation with someone.”
I held up my hands and watched.
“Will Sutherland,” she said softly, “I know you’re there, the boy who used to catch my tears before they had a chance to fall, the boy who set a million teenage hearts on fire, my first love, my first off-screen kiss, my first sex however sloppy it was that first time.” I chuckled, remembering how fast it was over with. “My first heartache. My only forever.” She breathed as tears filled her eyes. “But now you’re a man, and I think it’s time you decide who you are, which parts of your past you are going to take to mold your future. Who are you now, Will Sutherland? Man of my dreams? Or destroyer of hearts.” She moved to stand on a chair that looked over the balcony into the pool. “Prove that you can take the leap… Prove that you’re still you.” Her eyes flashed to mine. “Prove that you’re still the Will that held my hand, that promised to fight. Now you have a chance. I fought for me, I came out scarred but alive — better. It’s your turn, to fight for you.” She pointed to the pool. “I dare you.”
I didn’t hesitate. I leapt from my balcony to hers, nearly colliding with a chair, then stripped off the leather pants and stared over the ledge. “I could die.”
“You’ve never been afraid of heights.”
“This means more than mere feet, Ang.”
“Stop running,” She locked eyes with me. “From who you are.”
Before I could stop her, she leapt off the balcony into the pool.
And without hesitation.
I jumped in after her.
HE GAVE ME my door back.
After asking for forgiveness.
He gave me the one thing back that still kept me powerless and put us back on equal ground.
I don’t know how long I stared at the stupid door. It was plain, white, nothing pretty or special about it.
Except it represented both his trust and forgiveness.
And in that moment all I wanted in life was to be worthy of more doors I could open, where he’d be standing on the other side.
I made him wait until I was ready to face him.
Until he was ready to face me.
And when I walked outside, I knew it was time.
I dropped my armor at the door, held my head high, and spoke to both past and present.
Praying for a future.
I leapt.
And he followed.
The cold air bit into my skin before the water from the heated pool swirled around me, and then warm hands pulled me against a strong chest. His mouth was on mine before I could protest, my legs wrapped around his body before he had a chance to deny me.
“I never stopped,” Will said between kisses, “loving you.”
He swallowed my surprised cry as arms and legs tangled around each other, like our bodies were finally aware that they were home, that it was okay to touch, to explore, to feel without fear of getting shoved away.
He pressed me against the pool wall, his lips on my neck, his heavy breathing our mood music as I matched him kiss for kiss, his hungry lips tasted like a mixture of the sunset and ice cold beer.
I’d always hated beer.