“You shouldn’t want to dance with me,” she finally said. “But I’m glad you are.”
“You shouldn’t want me to dance with you either,” I agreed, “Because I’m a complete dick, but I’m glad you said yes.”
“Good thing you were staring.”
“Yeah,” I cupped her face, “Good thing.”
She leaned up. I met her halfway and kissed her.
“CUT!” Jaymeson yelled just as I was getting a taste.
Frustration crackled over my nerves. Tension settled in my jaw. One day, one day he was going to die with that damn camera shoved up his ass.
Ang pulled away, I felt it in my soul the distance she put between us, the uncertainty in her eyes. She started chewing on her thumbnail again. “You look different.”
“Yeah.” I tried and failed to shove even one hand into my pocket. “Apparently I don’t look old anymore.”
Her lips lifted into a smile. “I was going to say you finally look like you.”
We didn’t have to re-do the scene, no matter how many times I mentally begged Jay to let us re-visit the kiss, probably because I knew, at least in real life, I didn’t deserve her mouth but at least if we were acting, I could lie to myself and say it was okay.
Five hours later and we were both driving home together.
Home.
I clenched the steering wheel.
Our home.
The coffee cup sat where I’d left it in the Rover.
She saw it.
She said nothing.
But when I parked, she grabbed it like it was hers, and walked ahead of me toward the house.
“BONFIRE!” ZANE SHOUTED pounding on the door minutes after both Ang and I had gotten home.
I groaned. “Think we can hide?”
“I can hear you whispering!” Zane yelled. “Plus I saw the SUV pull up, we already got all the shit, I got the mallows, meet us all on the beach in ten. And Will, try not to look like our chaperone!”
“Try not to look naked!” I yelled back.
“No promises!” was Zane’s only reply before we were once again left alone, I’d walked off set in my old clothes and suddenly felt like a stranger in my own body, as if the parts didn’t match anymore.
“What do you say?” I eyed Ang wearily. “You too tired?”
She gave her head a shake. “Even if I was, they’d just come back and kidnap one of us… let me just grab some water and I’ll be ready.”
“I’ll get it.” I held out my hand.
She was still holding onto the coffee cup.
I purposefully pried it from her fingers, went over to the counter, washed it, and put it away all before getting her a bottle of water from the fridge. When I handed it to her, I asked. “Why did you keep it?”
“The truth?” She unscrewed the top of the bottle.
“Always.”
“Because it was a part of you, no matter how small, that was mine.”
My heart cracked. “You’ve always had me, Ang, even when you didn’t know it, you had me.”
She looked down. “We should go.”
“Wait.” I stepped in front of her. “I…” I closed my eyes; it hurt to look at her. “I’m sorry, about this last week, about the way I’ve treated you, spoken to you. I’m so damn sorry. Could you—” Yeah, it hurt more than it should. “Will you forgive me?”
Her eyes widened a fraction before she took a step back. “That depends.”
“On what?”
“Will, I say this as a human concerned for your welfare, but… you have to lose the glasses at least when you don’t need them.”
I sputtered out a laugh. “Yeah, okay.”
“And the button ups,” she added with a bright smile scrunching up her nose, “and stop covering your ass and biceps—”
“Everyone has their choice of armor,” I swallowed then quickly looked away.
“What made you think you ever needed it?” she asked in a soft voice.
I opened my mouth then closed it. Nobody had ever asked me that and I had no clue how to answer. Or maybe I Just wasn’t comfortable exploring all the reasons. So instead, I deflected. “What’s yours?”
“Oh, I’m special I didn’t have just one,” she said in a flat tone. “Let’s see… first it was this guy Will Sutherland, and when I discovered you couldn’t actually use flawed humans as armor, I switched to something that would help me stay up late on set so I wouldn’t mess up my lines anymore, and when I couldn’t sleep, I chose an armor that made me feel as warm as Will Sutherland arms used to feel before he hit it even bigger than before, and then the blanket choked me, it promised comfort — but in the end, death.” She looked away. “And then, it seemed the only choice I had, after losing all sense of comfort, purpose, identity — reputation. Was to become a bitch, that way,” She sighed heavily, “Nothing could ever get close enough to keep me warm again, not when you purposely choose the cold. Not when you choose discomfort.”
“Your first choice in armor was your first mistake,” I said.
She locked eyes with me. “The most favorite mistake I’ve ever made.”
YOU KNOW THAT feeling you get when you know you’ve said too much of the heavy things that should really never be spoken out loud in the first place? I had that feeling, in my stomach the entire time we walked down to the beach. Will didn’t seem to mind my silence, but I minded. I minded that I’d basically exposed myself to him a very vulnerable way and he’d chosen silence. Again.
And the more I thought about it the more disappointed I became.
Until Demetri’s words hit me all over again like a sense of Déjà Vu when I saw his face near the bonfire.
“He doesn’t hate you. He hates himself.”
I stumbled into the sand, Will gripped my arm and kept me from planting my face in the dirt. “You okay?”
“I don’t hate you.” I said the same thing that the guys had said to me over and over again this past week. I looked up at Will and spoke slower, with more meaning. “I could never hate you, Will. Ever. No matter what’s been said, you aren’t easy to hate. You’re just easy to miss, which means it’s easy to be sad and turn that sadness into anger, especially when I blame myself.”
“There isn’t a chance in hell I’m ever letting you believe this was all on you, Ang. Not now, not ever, I’ve been thinking and—”
“You guys made it!” Zane yelled, “Come on!”
“Later,” he whispered, gripping my hand so tight I couldn’t let go even if I wanted to. He held it the entire way to the bonfire.
And before I even felt the flames.
I felt heat.
The Sutherland Sunset folks — a real phenomenon.
“I thought you weren’t going to come.” Fallon jumped over and gave Will a side hug and handed me a bag of mallows. “Hide these just in case we run out, I’m not going back to the store again because Zane has no self-control.”
I winked. “Got it.”
“What are you going to do, sit on them?” Will asked.
“Or…” I quickly dropped them to the sand and covered them up. “I’ll just bury them.”
“I always knew I liked you.” Fallon grinned and walked off to join Zane while I made sure my marshmallow nest was covered so the greedy little rock star wouldn’t find it and steal the goods.
“All right, calm down people.” Jay raised his hands high. “I know I promised we wouldn’t talk about work—”