When I’m done, I try to find something else that requires my attention. After ten minutes of fucking around, I give up and lean back in my chair. Scrubbing my face, I mutter, “Fuck.”
I stare at my phone sitting on the desk. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve reached for it to call Callie. But I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m a stubborn bastard and as much as it pisses me off, I have to keep reminding myself this is for the best. If I’m going to have any chance at holding onto my sanity, I need to keep Callie at arm’s length.
“Luke.” Avery knocks on the office door.
“Yeah.”
She opens the door. “Have you got a minute?”
“Sure.”
I take in the hesitation in her step as she comes towards me and I know this isn’t going to be a conversation I want to have.
She doesn’t sit; rather she stands. “How are you?”
I narrow my eyes. “How do you think I am, Avery?”
“Well, I think you’re angry and moody and not coping to be honest.”
“That about covers it.”
She takes a moment before saying, “Have you thought about changing your mind?”
“Yes, but I won’t.”
“Why? If you’re this unhappy and you’ve thought about it, why won’t you take that step back to her?”
I rub the back of my neck. “Fuck. Do we really need to be having this conversation?”
She sits. “Yes.”
I shake my head. “No, we don’t.”
“God, you are so baffling.”
“Are we done here?”
“No! You need to know that Callie is hurting as much as you are. Hell, she’s consuming Harvey at a rate I’ve never seen.”
I frown. “Who the fuck is Harvey?”
“Harvey from Suits. She only binges on him when she’s dying on the inside.”
I ignore the way my heart beats faster at this information. “She knows where I am if she wants to change her mind.”
“She’s not going to change her mind. This one will be up to you to fix.”
“And you know my position, so really, this conversation was not necessary.”
She stands. “You’ll regret this, Luke. I know you will.”
“Regret and I are old friends, Avery. I moved in with him years ago.”
With one last shake of her head, she stalks out of the office, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
And my whisky.
I reach for the bottle and pour a glass. The burn as it goes down is exactly what I’m looking for. Something to concentrate on besides the misery burning through me every fucking minute of every day.
37
Callie
I stare at the television, not seeing anything besides the blur of colours on the screen. Even Harvey isn’t fixing me and he always fixes me.
Dragging my laptop off the couch, I rest it on my lap and check my emails. Hopefully, Josef has replied to my last one. Avery meeting him all those months ago was a blessing in more ways than one. The scriptwriter from Los Angeles has become my online friend along with my own personal cheerleader. He loved my book and has been encouraging me to submit it. I’ve been editing it over the past few weeks as well as working on a new book. The words have been flowing onto the page just like my tears have been. Josef has also been teaching me screenwriting. He’s spent hours going back and forth with me showing me how he works and leading me to resources to improve my craft.
I smile when I see an email waiting for me from Josef. My heart starts beating faster as I read it and I pick up my phone so I can send Avery a text.
Me: Josef says he may have a job for me in LA working on a new TV show.
Avery: Holy fuck!
Me: Right?
Avery: Would you move?
Me: I don’t know.
Avery: Oh God, I would miss you
Me: I don’t know if I could do it but what an amazing opportunity if it happens. I’m not sure I could pass it up.
Avery: I don’t think you should.
Me: I’m going to email him back now but I just had to tell you that.
Avery: Keep me up to date.
It’s not until after I reply to Josef’s email that I allow the one thought to enter my mind that I’ve been holding back—the one reason that would stop me moving overseas.
Luke.
Christmas was hard on my own. I didn’t even make my annual trek to Melbourne to see my family. They protested but not for long. Avery asked me to come to her family lunch but I said no. I didn’t want to inflict my sadness on anyone. She spent Boxing Day with me and we watched romantic comedies, drank vodka and consumed way too much cheese, dips and crackers. It was my idea of the perfect day. She wasn’t convinced watching romantic comedies was what I needed but I assured her I wanted the hope they give me.
It’s been five weeks since Luke and I broke up. Six weeks since I’ve been trying to prove Jolene’s innocence. Neither situation sits right with me and while I know the breakup needs time to get over, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever get to the bottom of Jolene’s case. I’m pretty sure she’s given up again, but I haven’t. I’m determined that losing Luke won’t be for nothing. That would kill me more than losing him has.
* * *